Am I too naive for friendship?

**Nina** · 01-27-2003, 09:40 AM

Today when I opened my e-mail account I found an e-mail from my friend Elena. We know each other for almost one year and from the very start we felt like soul-mates. We had the same opinions, had made the same experiences - everything seemed perfect. Although she lives far away we wrote loong letters, e-mails and SMS several times a week and whenever something good or bad happened in our lives the other one was there to listen.

But this e-mail today really stunned me!! She told me that she doesn't feel good at the moment and has no intention to be in contact with me for an unparticular time now. She wouldn't feel like writing to me anymore at the moment, because she would have no inspirations.
She couldn't explain it to me any clearer, but said she hopes I wouldn't be angry with her.

Well, I am not angry, but I am very dissapointed! I really thought we would have a good friendship and that I can count on her. This came so suddenly! Last week everything was still normal and nothing seemed to bother her. I am not sure if she said the truth, but maybe there is something I did wrong or maybe I got on her nerves with my problems (like some of you know I am going through a hard time at the moment). I just don't know!!!

If she has problems in her life she shouldn't stop contact with me but let me be there for her and listen to her problems. I always thought that is what friends are for. Maybe she never has been a real friend, but I am too naive to see???

That really makes me sad and I cannot stop thinking that I maybe have been so wrong about her all that time!!

**heaven** · 01-27-2003, 09:58 AM

I don't think you did anything wrong. Sounds like you were are great friend. Sounds like maybe she is just depressed or there is something going on she isn't telling you about. Hang in there.

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**mommy2three** · 01-27-2003, 10:14 AM

i agree with heaven. have you emailed her to let her know how you feel?? have you told her the things you are telling us? i really don't think it is something you have done, but something on her end. sometimes when things happen, we tend to push away those that mean the most to us!

i would tell her how you feel and then give her a little space. hopefully she will come around!

**SewCrafty** · 01-27-2003, 10:52 AM

Well said ladies, I agree. Best of luck Nina, keep trying I hope she comes around for you.

**Nina** · 01-27-2003, 11:07 AM

Thanks for your support.

Yes, I told her about my feelings and she replied that she cannot forget something I said month before. It was actually a missunderstanding and i thought we had worked it out already. She admitted that she knows I didn't mean it, but it seems like she lost some trust in me. She also said it wouldn't be my fault but she would need some time for a break till she feels like being in contact with me again, because at the moment she would feel like writing to someone who doesn't care although she knows it is not true (that's what she said).

I have never thought that this misunderstanding would cause such a problem. I know she is having a bad time at the moment and I hope everything will be okay soon. Our friendship is very important for me so I suggested her to have a break for 3 month or so and then see if she feels like being in contact with me again. Then we could start from the beginning once again.

I hope everything will work out, because she is really important to me!

**babynurse** · 01-27-2003, 11:30 AM

Wow, Nina, I know how much it hurts when things like this happen. I had a friend like you describe...the soulmate connection...unfortunately she started dating my brother, and it became apparent that she had problems and hurt my brother very badly. We tried to not let it come between us, but it has. I cannot forgive her for dumping my brother (they were engaged and I was so happy we would be sisters in law) and then didn't give back the ring (among other things she did, like promise to be my bridesmaid then cancel and decide to not even come). It still hurts though, I miss her very much. The best thing to do is just give her the time she needs. If she comes back to you, then your friendship may be able to become even stronger, if not, then you will have your answer as to whether she is a real friend or not. But, no I don't think you are naive, if we don't have trust in our friends, then what's the point?

**captclearance** · 01-27-2003, 01:06 PM

There are moments in peoples lives where little things can be blown way out of proportion. Just give her some space and let her come around..

**Darlene** · 01-27-2003, 01:59 PM

Originally posted by captclearance
There are moments in peoples lives where little things can be blown way out of proportion. Just give her some space and let her come around..

I agree. Give yourself a hug and don't dwell on what might have been said.
You can't change the past, you can only go on.

**KathiS** · 01-28-2003, 03:58 AM

She is just having a tough time. Don't beat yourself up over this. Just see what happens in three months and make some new friends in the meantime.

Mommyof2lildivas · 02-07-2003, 05:14 PM

Nina, this really sounds like some emotional turbulence she is going through and has not a thing to do with you. I'm sorry you are hurting so badly. Take KathiS's advice and take the next three months and relax and get to know some new people.