Friends?

**lucy979** · 02-03-2003, 03:13 AM

I was just thinking yesterday and it hit me that I have no real friends. I have lots of online friends. I just don't know why that is. Why is it so hard to make new friends? I know I move around alot and I'm sure that has something to do with it. I hurt my last really good friend and I am scared of hurting anyone else. Plus no one here is my age or has anything in common with me. DH gets out to work everyday and gets to talk to people. Even if it is jsut work. I don't talk to other adults. I find myself talking to people that I'm standing in line with at the store or I talk to the cashier just to have some form of communication in the real world. I never thought I would be this way. Wow! I guess I am complaining alot here. Sorry!

I just wanted to know if you all had a hard time making new friends, too. I really didn't mean to go on and on about all that! Sorry!

**KathiS** · 02-03-2003, 03:59 AM

I understand totally! I have found that since I retired, I don't meet many people. Most of the friends I have are still teaching and don't have much time to socialize. It can be really hard to make friends when you don't work. I have started volunteering at my Granddaughter's preschool. It really helps me to get out those two afternoons a week and talk to adults. Maybe you could find a playgroup for you children(if you have any) or volunteer somewhere. At least that way, you might have a chance to talk to other adults and maybe even make some friends. We are glad you are here in the Village!

**scrappycat** · 02-03-2003, 06:31 AM

I was just going to post this same kind of message! When I was 30 my husband and I moved to Chattanooga, TN from St. Louis, MO. I grew up in St. Louis, and I left all of my friends. After we moved, when I was working, I made some friends at work, but they were mostly just at work. We sometimes went out after work. But, since I've been a SAHM, I really have no friends. I've slowly lost touch with my St. Louis friends, and I don't have that much in common with my work friends here any more. So, all of a sudden at 44, I realize that I'm pretty lonely. Most of the time, I only talk to the people at the post office and the grocery store. I sell full time on Ebay so I keep really busy. My kids are teenagers, so they pretty much have their own lives! It's sad to realize that this is how it is, at this point in my life.

**heavensent_7** · 02-03-2003, 08:36 AM

I'd actually like to Thank you for this post.

I have not had ANY friends for years. When my eldest children were babies I had a friend that had kids the same age, but she went back to having a career and I carried on having babies, so we don't really have anything in common anymore

I don't really go out at all and I'm not very sociable anyway, I have panic attacks if I have to talk to anybody LOL. So the only people I really see are my family occaisionally.

I am also a single parent so I don't even have adult company at night time. I really thought that it was only me that felt this way and that there was something wrong with me!

**Nina** · 02-03-2003, 09:52 AM

I absolutely know what you are talking about. Since my fiance and I have moved out of our home village two years ago we lost contact to most of our former friends. In the beginning we tried to stay in touch with them, but after some time it seemed like they were not really interested in us anymore - quite frustrating because we realized that we are exchangeable and our "good" friends didn't care as much for us as we thought.

In the town we live now we know absolutely nobody, yet! We don't even know the people who live in the same house as we do (it's a huge housing area), just say "Hi" and "Good-bye".
I met some new people at work, but it seems they have already their friends at home and are not interested in making new ones. So we get along well at work, but there are no intentions to meet after work etc.
I cannot go to the supermarket and ask the next best person "Will you be my friend?"

I sometimes feel very lonely - but at least I have my dear fiance Michael with me and that's all that counts (he is my best friend!

). I sometimes wish I had some friends like in the TV serie "Sex and the City"

but I am not sure if such friends really exist!?

**heaven** · 02-03-2003, 10:22 AM

Me too all of my friends are on here. I have like 2 people i know well here in town and talk to maybe once or twice a month. *my old boss and the other one that does my job.* so they are always busy. I have no life either. Sad isn't it.

**sunshine** · 02-03-2003, 11:30 AM

I don't have many friends either- my best friend and I have drifted apart since Oct. (she's separated from her husband and doesn't feel comfortable around me now).

I don't have any friends at work- lots of accquaintances, but no real friends- I don't drink and all that, so I don't go with them to after work parties and such.

I have a couple of "friends" at church, but our schedules don't mesh well enough for us to have a real relationship.

Mommyof2lildivas · 02-03-2003, 12:17 PM

Wow, I thought I was the only one feeling this way. Besides my best friend, I really don't have a lot of friends. 2 people I considered good friends have let me know in certain terms that I don't mean that much to them, so I feel very lonely. Especially, since I'm a SAHM and can't seem to meet anyone who is as well, or at least anyone who is looking for friends. I've got hubby, but he's only here for a few hours a night and weekends, and we're trying to balance a lot right now. Okay, off my pity pot now. Thank you everyone for sharing.

**Dixie** · 02-03-2003, 12:47 PM

I think it's harder to make and maintain friendships in this day and age, than ever before. People lead such hectic, fast paced lives now. I've heard several women talk about much the same thing. There just isn't time in their lives for friendships. They are so spent from jobs, kids and every day life, there just isn't room for friends.
I long to go back to a slower paced life, where we had (or made time) for friendships. Women of yesteryear had more opportunites for a social life. I remember my mom going to sewing circle meetings, prayer groups, women's groups in the church etc. To my knowledge, none of that is popular now. I'm glad we have the internet, and thank you Sara for the Village!!

It's a bright spot in my day. Thanks you ladies for your friendship!

**nealy** · 02-03-2003, 01:59 PM

I know where you are coming from, and I wanted to let you know it isn't impossible to make new friends. Some would say I am too young to understand I am 27, But I haven't had a real friend since high school 10 years ago. I started having babies early and I grew up and left my old group of party friends, then we moved out of state where I knew no one. I was lonely for a long time, excpet for the meaningless banter between co workers. I longed for a true friend that I could call and cry with, be happy for when wonderful things happen to us, and just care about. I thought it would never happen, but..... there is a happy ending. After giving up hope of finding anyone I would share anything remotely personal with we moved back to our old complex and I struck up a conversation with my Ds friends mom. It was hard talking to someone I barely knew. But we were both preggo, and we liked to read the same historical novels so I took the plunge and opened my mouth to say hello. I am happy to say that I consider her my best friend in the whole world and she is on this forum too. Thanks Kimbee for being there for our family, and offering your friendship to me, I needed a kindred spirit and you are she.

Nealy

p.s. Don't give up trying, there are many wierd people out there but you just may find a great person to share your day with.

**baronmom** · 02-03-2003, 07:16 PM

I thought that I was the only one that felt this way as well. I know a lot of people, but I have very few true friends. Most of the people that we do get together with were my dh's friends before we got married. I hardly ever go out with anyone, and I can honestly say that if I have anything to talk to someone about, it would be my dh that I would tell first. He is truely my best friend. It always seems that you have people say call me and we will get together and do something, but no one bothers to call me or sometimes when I do call them, they don't return the calls, and that makes me mad. Nothing worse than being the one to call all the time. You can imagine how nuts I have been going since my dh has been in Germany for 7 months. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times that I have been out with a friend. I am not a very outgoing person, and it does take me a while to get to know someone, but when I become friends with someone I am a loyal friend. It just seems that everyone else is busy with their lives and I seem to get pushed aside. Oh well, I will survive. Didn't mean to rant and rave. I guess I am just more content to stay at home with the kids. I never thought I would consider myself a homebody.

**babynurse** · 02-03-2003, 07:24 PM

I feel the same way, but I am always afraid of sounding like a loser when I complain about it...sigh. I too moved around a lot when I was a kid and as a young adult. My best friend was my fiance and then he left me. So here I am, trying to make a new life for myself and I have the people at work....idle chit chat, empty promises to "get together"..etc. Not only am I afraid I'll never make "real" friends, but in finding a boyfriend again someday. I sometimes (actually often) wish that we lived in the times when everybody in the neighbourhood knew each other and women had real friendships. But, at least I do have you all here at the Village and although you may not be present physically in my life, you still all hold the same emotional attachment to me that any other friend would in my heart. Thanks to you all for being my friend.

**Phaedrae** · 02-03-2003, 08:32 PM

I feel the same way. I haven't really met anyone since moving back to CO. I spend most weekends out with my sister. But other then that I haven't really met any new people that I would actually go and hang out wi th or even go to movies with or what not.... It's been almost a year since I moved into the complex I now live in and in the last 3 months I've said more to my neighbors then I ever have..of course it's just "HI, how are you..etc"

I know a huge part of my problem is that I'm not very comfortable meeting new people. I feel out of my element whenever this happens...

**lucy979** · 02-04-2003, 03:47 AM

WOW! Who knew we all felt this way!? I am so glad that we can all share here and not be embarassed. I know that someday we will all meet someone to be friends with. It is just so hard until then. But we do have each other, right!? So thanks for all your responses. It is nice knowing that I am not alone!

**faith17** · 02-06-2003, 01:19 AM

I have one real friend and I really am glad to have her . WAIT , WAIT , WAIT . Just kidding no but sometimes we can argue like real sisters but you know what is even better we can always talk it out like sisters to.