I just don't know what to do!

**heavensent_7** · 03-03-2003, 04:08 PM

I'm sure you won't either, but I don't even know who to tell? So here I am!

My husband and I have had an on/off relationship right from day one and it's been going on 7 years!!!

I guess it will never work and I don't know the reason I keep going back for more?

Anyway this time round I begged him to make it work with me if only for the kids and I used every reason, excuse, emotional blackmail and EVERYTHING nice and horrible I could think of - all to no avail. He was totally single minded about it finishing and was really cold about it all (you probably remember me raving at the time?)

Then he said perhaps we could 'try' and work things out? And when I first came to look at this new house I was thinking of it as a family house and a new start. THEN... on the morning he came to see it, he had been offered a really good job but it meant moving away and he was 'buzzing'.

He 'expected' me to move away with him, but I decided under the circumstances it was too much of a risk and he chose the Job over us and was going with or without us. So I accepted the house here anyway, still as a new start for the kids and myself. Somewhere where I could collect my thoughts and start another new life with them.

NOW - He loves me and want's us to work and he'll never let us down again and he's been an ass and he can see that now and he would give up everything to have us back - yadda, yadda, yadda.!!!!!!!

I am so confused and so hurt this keeps happening! I don't honestly think after 7 years of on/off it has much chance of ever working and I'd just, for the first time bent my mind round starting over again and looking towards the future and how I could change things for us. Just as I was feeling strong in myself he hits me with this!!!!!

I can't see it myself, but because I have his children I also don't want to make a terrible mistake that will deprive them of their Daddy. And I don't know why I keep on and on and on going back?? I'm sooooooo angry with him and myself! And just as I thought I'd picked myself up again, I feel like I'm right back where I started before I came to this house for a 'fresh start'!!! lmao!!! NOT!

Oh I'm sorry to rant on and on, I'm just so sick of being HERE! I don't mean in the village lol I mean HERE (in my life!) Sorry

**heaven** · 03-03-2003, 04:15 PM

BEV {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{

}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} you are moving on. you have your new place and your doing great!!!!!!! hang in there. Don't push anything, if he really wants to be with you and the children he will find a way. I think you did the best thing for you and the children.
(btw I know about wanting to go back i have this wonderful fantasy that my first husband will stop drinking and that we will live happily ever after (remember this a dream that i have when i am totally bored) and I know it will never work. It is normal to wonder. but it sounds like your moving forward with your life, and maybe he is jelous to see that you can do it on your own. Sorry now i am rambling, Hang in there we are all here when you need to vent. Hev. XXXXXX

**heavensent_7** · 03-03-2003, 04:24 PM

Oh Heaven

I love you so much!

I'm really sorry to whine. But he came round to see the kids the other day and he's ill, so he was groaning and whinging and I was thinking what an idiot he was LOL and how I was so much better off without him now!

And then he springs this crap on me! (sorry am I allowed to say that? I apologise if it offends anyone, I don't mean to do that!) I can't concentrate and I honestly can't think of another word!

So I don't really want him - and I don't really not want him either!!!

I feel like for the first time in 7 years I moved forward 10 steps and got stronger and more 'me' again and now he's come along and tripped me up!!

I'm SO mad!

And I'm not really sure if I'm mad with him or mad with ME!

Sorry I'm doing it again aren't I? I'll shut up!

**MJsLady** · 03-03-2003, 04:46 PM

Bev,
Honey it seems to me he wants you now because he has figured out he is NOT needed for your happiness and he cant stand the thought that you CAN make it (quite well apparently!) with out him!
Give the goose his egg and be done with him.
He can still see the kiddies, but he won't be able to hold your heart hostage like he wants to.

**mommy2three** · 03-03-2003, 04:49 PM

i totally agree with heaven!! i think he sees how well off you are now without him and he's jealous! leave him hangin' for a while and see how he likes it!!!!

**heavensent_7** · 03-03-2003, 04:53 PM

Gosh I think that too!

<<< That's me still confused LOL.

I don't really want him anymore (I don't think?) But it's so sad to see ANOTHER relationship die when you had such great plans.

I really wanted it to work once and I think I'm hanging on to the fantasy

**heaven** · 03-03-2003, 04:59 PM

Bev, hon it is totally normal to hang on to those thoughts. You are doing so wonderfully alone though. I wish you could see you as we see you. YOUR so STRONG!!!!!!! don't let him play with your feelings like that. YES It is sad to see it go but you will be so much better off. and you said you are starting to find BEV again. *I am finding Heaven again.* you can do this alone. you are going to be so happy. these are all normal feelings so let them come you will be so much better when your though all of this. (it is like what you have to go though with a death.) your though the denile. good for you. but you have to mourn the loss too. Hang in there sorry to ramble.

**heavensent_7** · 03-03-2003, 05:13 PM

I'm trying to think of something wonderful to say - but I can't

I'm finding it really hard to concentrate tonight.

I REALLY love you guys and I'm so grateful that you are here to be my friends and adopted family. Thank you xxxx

**SewCrafty** · 03-04-2003, 01:10 AM

Bev, no advice here but we have plenty of

to share with you whenever you need us!

**KathiS** · 03-04-2003, 06:03 AM

Bev, I don't know what to say that would help but, I wanted you to know, I am hoping everything will work out for the best for you.

**justjenn** · 03-04-2003, 06:54 AM

Hugs.

**Darlene** · 03-04-2003, 07:34 AM

You are doing a wonderful job of starting over. This move has been so positive in so many ways. We can see it in your posts, everyday you are getting stronger & happier. Let the guy who can't make up his mind to be a constant positive influence in you & your kids life go do his thing. He's had plenty of chances already with you. Not an easy thing but these emotional games don't do anyone any good. Keep doing what you have been and you will be doing just what you and your kids need. You are a strong smart woman with a whole wonderful life ahead of her, you deserve much more than he can or will ever give.
Big hug to you, Bev.

**guest2** · 03-04-2003, 01:24 PM

((BEV)),
You are an incredible woman, stronger than you know! You take care of your needs and those of your children first and don't worry about your husband. IF he has changed (as he claims), then he will prove that through his actions and behavior over time, if not, then that will show too. Continue to be good to yourself and your kids and do what is right for you!!!!

**milach** · 03-04-2003, 03:59 PM

I agree with the other ladies- he can't stand to see you making it on your own without a man and it's making him crazy.

Personally, I think he's doing this just to manipulate you and bring you down. It is probably kills him to see that you're better off without him. Don't let him bring you down like this.

You can't let him toy with you like this. He needs to either s*it or get off the pot. After 7 years, it sounds like it's time.

Big hugs to you! Just remember- you're a strong woman and you need and can do what's right for you- not what he wants you to do.

Laura

**heavensent_7** · 03-04-2003, 04:55 PM

I just love you gals for the support your always giving me.

I really do appreciate you all - it's hard to remember how I coped before I had you all?

I just LOVE that saying!!!!!!!! LMAO imagining him either well you know. I can see the real thing and not what it stands for

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