My mother and I aren't speaking anymore...long vent

**babynurse** · 03-03-2003, 10:25 PM

My mother came to visit me for 4 days...I drove her here and back for a total of 14 hrs...no thank you for that. I bought $30.00 worth of cat food and litter so her cat wouldn't starve...no thank you for that. I ordered $70.00 worth of Avon products to help her make money as she is on disability.....no thank you for that. I brought her 2 bags of food (bread, chicken, sausage, peanut butter, spaghetti sauce etc) because she states she hasn't eaten anything but toast in a month because she is too poor...no thank you for that, I gave her $200 as a "birthday" present even though I can't really afford it because her teeth are rotting and needed to go to the dentist...no thank you for that. do we see a pattern here? Well, on the way to her home, we stopped at a Subway shop for lunch and her and my brother have a huge blowout in public and she walks out saying she is walking home....and to basically go jump in the lake...and left! So my brother and I dropped her stuff off and said that was it...we (I am ) tired of being manipulated and used and unappreciated. I got an email from her saying how I humiliated her and made her feel unwelcome (she stayed in my small apartment for 4 days when she told me she would be staying at a friends house the whole time...never did) and yada yada yada. I haven't had a real mother in years about 12 yrs actually, but now I am starting to realize I don't want her as a mother anymore...I would rather tell everyone I am an orphan as that is how I have felt for a long time. I am tired of feeling like crap when I am around her...I don't deserve to be treated like this....

**Ellise** · 03-03-2003, 10:39 PM

You are absolutely correct! you don't need to feel that way. My mother and I didn't speak for about 6 years, it was the hardest time in my life!!!! I know you can't see it now, but hon, she's your Mother. I understand totally what you are saying about feeling unappreciated! honest I do, but give her time, maybe she feels the same way? I know you give & give & give till there's nothing left to give. But remember when you feel like theres NOTHING left, there's always LOVE in your heart. It may be covered up by emotions right now, but it's still there.

Hey, You can't be an Oprhan, I'll adopt you! Captnclearance can do the paperwork right?

**captclearance** · 03-03-2003, 10:46 PM

I'll get the paperwork going Ellise !!!!!!
{{{{HUGS}}}} sweetie, relationships are somethimes difficult between Mother and Daughter, don't loose hope, it may improve......

**Katybird** · 03-03-2003, 10:57 PM

Awww Theresa,

I am so sorry that you are going through this

. I wish I some great words of wisdom but I don't so I am just sending you big (((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))). I will keep you in my prayer sweetie. Remember we love you and appreciate you!!! You are a very special person and a special part of our village.

Blessings,
Kathy

**mylittle4** · 03-03-2003, 10:58 PM

She is your mother. Like it or not. So vent here and keep some type of relationship with her. Maybe just an over the phone relationship. Iam there too. I know it is hard. (((HUGS)))

**heaven** · 03-03-2003, 11:03 PM

My mother and I didn't talk for seven year. it was hard, but I Personally think that mothers and daughter have a very hard relationship anyway. Hang in there. I know it isn't the same but we apprecate so much.

**voodidit** · 03-03-2003, 11:55 PM

Hugs Theresa! Sometimes I wish I didn't have to speak to mom either, but then I realize what I would miss if she wasn't around. But you may need some time apart, some people just don't have that maternal spark, even if they have kids. But we are here for you!

**bamamomto4** · 03-04-2003, 12:03 AM

I'm in the same boat as you are....I just posted something about my mom,so I have no encouragement or anything to give but I'm here if you'd like to pm me. We can share the paddling

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 03-04-2003, 12:32 AM

My mom and I get along fine--it's my DAD I have problems with! Hang in there kiddo. You can't pick your relatives (unfortunately!). Don't talk to her for awhile. It will get some of the bitterness out of your system and maybe you can be polite the next time you talk to her (instead of wanting to yank her through the phone!

)

**lucy979** · 03-04-2003, 01:11 AM

Oh, Theresa! I'm sorry you and your mother are having problems. I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. I'll be thinking of you!

**heavensent_7** · 03-04-2003, 05:30 AM

I know this is going to sound like crap because I have been where you are and I wouldn't have wanted to hear it LOL.

But the girls are right - She IS your mother.

We have to learn to let go of our resentments (because WE are the only people that it eats) And if you are going to give to her always do it without expectiing any return.

I hope this makes sense? Don't give her anything out of your own NEED to be accepted by her, but just because you WANT to.

Life and families are REALLY hard and I'm not trying to belittle that AT ALL.

But my Father nearly died with my brother not speaking to him and life is very short and fragile. One thing I have learnt (if I've learnt anything!) Is the people that hurt you and make you a victim are nearly always hurt victims themselves or their own pain. People do the best that they can with the knowledge that they have at the time and that's all they can do.

My other gem (LOL) that I've learnt since I've had kids is: Your mother is human and she makes mistakes and she isn't perfect. I know that's hard and unbelieveable but it IS true.

Hang in there - Whatever the problem is - LOVE is always the answer!

Thinking of you xxxxxxx

**KathiS** · 03-04-2003, 05:42 AM

Hugs and prayers coming your way. My mother almost drove me crazy the last years of her life. I know what you are going through. Been there and done that. Put this situation in God's hands and he will help you.

**Daphne** · 03-04-2003, 09:05 AM

Theresa...I wish I had some great advice for you. I will keep you in my prayers and you know you can email or PM me anytime you need to talk. Sending many hugs your way!!!!!!!

**Michelle** · 03-04-2003, 09:26 AM

Theresa....

**Darlene** · 03-04-2003, 10:08 AM

Originally posted by Lori Biever-Launder
My mom and I get along fine--it's my DAD I have problems with! Hang in there kiddo. You can't pick your relatives (unfortunately!). Don't talk to her for awhile. It will get some of the bitterness out of your system and maybe you can be polite the next time you talk to her (instead of wanting to yank her through the phone! )

I'm with you on this one Lori. You can't pick your relatives but I think they do have to be polite to you. If she starts up just say I can see you are having a bad day and then go about your business. Try again and again until she sees how you want her to treat you. She'll get it or she'll be mighty lonely. Sorry if I sound mean, I just think people should be polite and respectful to each other. That includes family, friends, butcher, baker, candlestick maker...