Just gonna pour my heart out.....long
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  1. #1
    TammyBob bamamomto4's Avatar
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    Default Just gonna pour my heart out.....long

    My mother had a stroke in 1995 and since has never been the same. She talks rude to me,cusses me out,and then expects me to drop everything and be at her becking call. She lives over an hour from me and doesn't really have anyone to help her out because she run everyone off. She started with my dad and then her 3 kids and one sister. She's in the hospital and nearly died several times and I'll tell ya.... It would literally kill me if she died and we weren;t speaking. I've bit my tongue and went to see her.I knew she'd start talking about my dad and sure enough she did.She kept saying "I know thats your dad and I'm only speaking the truth of him". I told her many many times I would rather not hear her talk about him.What wrong he did or whatever they argue about is between them and I don't want to hear about it and be forced to take sides. She wouldn't say anything for awhile and then just something in conversation would make her think of something else to complain about and then she goes " I know thats your dad and I'm only speaking the truth of him".
    Then we go round and round about the whole thing again.
    She is determined to make us (her kids) choose sides and it's killing me. I haven't really talked to her since Sept except when she called to tell me my brothers house burnt down. It's hard.My mom and I were close when I was growing up and now,since her stroke,she's not the same.It's like this woman looks like my mom,but she doesn't act like my mom.Alot of times I feel my mom is gone and man oh man it hurts. I cry alot over the whole situation and hate that we don't have a better relationship but I just can't sit and let her chew me out from no good reason other than because she just wants to.
    Then I have my aunts calling me and saying I shouldn't be like this,I should just not pay attention to her and go see her etc...But I can't make myself.All she does is B_tch and I'm not going to listen to my mother talk to me like that.

    I do feel bad for her. She lives alone, on a fixed income and my dad doesn't give her much money. She says she's taking him to court to make him pay and then getting a divorce. I wish my dad would just give her the money and be done with it.But telling him that would like talking to the wall. He tells her he's broke and then turns around and sends my sister $300 because she's in FL and don't have money to get back home on.Why on earth she even went down there broke,I have no clue!
    He's gave my brother $1500 (that I know of) to help buy a new place to live. Why he's treating her like this I don't know. It's one of those he said she said situations and I don't know who to believe anymore. But all this mess is total stressing me out and I'm tired of it.

    I don't know why I'm posting this.I'm not the type to air my dirty laundry so to speak but holding all this in is killing me! I've cried so much tonight I've made myself sick twice. I just needed to let it all out.............



    Sorry so long....but thanks for reading

  2. #2
    Master Dollar Stretcher MJsLady's Avatar
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    Tammy, I wish I could help.
    First your moms stroke changed her personality. Been there done that with my own mom. The only suggestion I can think of is to change the subject when ever your dad comes up. Don't let her drag you down. You dont deserve it.
    Some say that after a stroke a persons true personality is revealed. I do not know if that true or not, I just know a stroke changes a person.
    Feel free to vent here or to me in private. I was a kid when my moms stroke happened but I remember it like yesterday.
    My prayers and thoughts are with you. I just wish I could do more

  3. #3
    Registered User captclearance's Avatar
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    Your writting it because you among friends and family that love you Tammy !!!!! You can come here and get it all out !!! Have a good cry, I hope it helps.... I am so sad to hear all of this and how it's stressing you...Please take care of yourself and our baby.... Families are so complex, you wonder why it is that family are often the ones that hurt you the most... Realize that is it family that we can burden or hurt and they love us anyway... I'm not saying it's right to hurt family, I'm just saying that people are in their comfort zones with family and often take their relationships for granted....... Take a deep breath and take care of yourself and that miracle were all waiting on ......... {{{{HUGS}}}}

  4. #4
    FV Buddy babynurse's Avatar
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    I am going almost the same thing as you, except my mother has a psychiatric illness, eating disorder, fibromyalgia and is also on a fixed income and blames everybody else for her problems...no advice here, I need some myself but ((((((hugs)))))), I understand completely how torn you feel....

  5. #5
    Master Dollar Stretcher aka LaciBob lucy979's Avatar
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    No advice here. Just want to send big ((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) your way!

  6. #6
    Registered User heavensent_7's Avatar
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    Dearest Tammy - first

    Lori said alot of what I was thinking beautifully!!!

    My 15 year old daughter has had 3 major strokes, the whole of the left side of her brain is dead and bits of the right. Basically if she strokes again she will die. I posted something recently and shared that there have been times I wish she had! I really LOVE my daughter dearly, she's been my life but things are so painful now for us and mostly for her.

    You are so right when you say your mum is a different person - yes she is! My daughter is also abusive, physically and verbally, she swears, smokes, drinks and is sexually uninhibited (basically she would walk down the street naked without a thought and will sleep with anybody!!!)

    Life can be hard and unfair and hurtful and sometimes I think it stretched me beyond all my limits of endurance but SLOW DOWN, take a deep breath, keep it all simple and in just this day (or minute whatever you can handle) and keep on keeping on.

    We can only do what we can do and if this is making you ill then you have to step back and take time for yourself without any guilt as you are no good to anybody sick. But if you can stick in there then Great. (these alone are hard decisions and only you can make them )

    Try and keep things as simple as poss under the circumstances, for example your Dad and his money are his business, let it go - let God. Forget about it. Let him worry about what he does or doesn't do with his money, that's up to him and you can't control it anyway.

    But your Mum: She is a different person, she isn't the mum you had when you were a child, her brain is damaged and changed and although we can't make excuses for some of their behaviour, they often act out of frustration and hurt also. (sometimes they don't their just bloody minded lol)

    There aren't any easy answers Tammy, life is cruel - you lost your mum (as you knew her in 1995) and I lost my beautiful daughter too. I'm sorry if that sounds hard - I guess I got kinda bitter myself somewhere along the line, but it IS true and the more that we can come to some kind of acceptance and love and support the people the way they are now the more peace we can find with it all.

    It would be a great shame if you didn't talk to your mum anymore, because life is very short and precious and it would hurt her but more importantly YOU are the person that would have to go on living with your own feelings and thoughts and that is the HARDEST thing to do in the world. Love the people in your life while you can. When the time has passed, it is gone forever. Although I DO understand that you HAVE to love yourself first and foremost. (that is why I can not live with my daughter anymore and she lives with her father - A decision I had to make for ME and my other children and I have to live with) But do what you can, when you can.

    My father also died of a brain tumour in 2000 and he changed as a person too - I do understand this hell, I live with it daily.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this pain and if you ever want to sound off please mail me.

    I'm also sorry that I ranted on for so long! But I do care and it's something that touches me deeply.

    Remember to:
    God grant me the serenity, to ACCEPT the things I can not change.
    The STRENGTH to change the things I can.
    And the WISDOM to know the difference.

    I am thinking of you - Take care of yourself.
    Love
    Bev. xxxx

  7. #7
    Registered User heavensent_7's Avatar
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    I believe thats - The COURAGE to change the things I can. (sorry!)

  8. #8
    FV Buddy aka KathiBob KathiS's Avatar
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    My mother had a brain tumor that changed her entire personality, the last few years of her life. She has been dead for years and I still cry for the mother I lost to that brain tumor. The last few years of my mother's life were so difficult for her and those around her. I am so sorry you are going through this and I wish there was some words I could say to help you. God bless you and your mom and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. #9
    Registered User justjenn's Avatar
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    I have no advice, but lots of hugs and prayers, sweetie.

  10. #10
    Registered User Daphne's Avatar
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    I don't have any great advice for you but I am sending you lots of hugs and many prayers!!!!

  11. #11
    TammyBob bamamomto4's Avatar
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    Thanks ladies! It means alot that I can come here and pour my heart out and you all come to my 'rescue'.

    I had a rough night. I felt sick to my stomach and didn't sleep maybe 4 hours.
    My mom is suppose to be released today and I'm sure someone (one of her sisters) will call wanting me to go take her home.
    First of all I'm pregnant and can't lift her (she's in a wheelchair) and Steve pulled a muscle in his back last week,so there's noway I'm asking him to.But I already dread the phone call from whoever it'll be to call and say what I should do. If I were any kind of a daughter I'd go get her and take her home....yada yada.
    I'm so sick of people calling me and telling me what I should do when they never do anything for her.
    I think I just won't answer the phone today.

  12. #12
    Super Moderator Darlene's Avatar
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    Lori & Bev really put into words what I could not. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please step back from it all when you need to. Please don't feel guilty as you have been a kind & loving daughter. You have to take care of your health (physical & mental) so you can be the best Mom & wife for your family. This is way too much stress for a Mom who is going to have another little one soon. Tammy, I wish you comfort as you find your way through this. Big hug to you.

  13. #13
    Master Dollar Stretcher
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    (((HUGS))), praying for you!

  14. #14
    Heather Bob
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    Oh Tammy, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am saying prayers for you and your family and sending you (((HUGS))), please take care of yourself and your wee one inside!!!

  15. #15
    Registered User voodidit's Avatar
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    I wish I had some advice for you too, but I think Bev and Lori covered most of it, I have mini-strokes thanks to all the migraines I have and I can tell differences in how I act aftereward but it isn't lasting with me because the damage isn't as major as a large stroke. With you being pregnant you don't need the extra stress and you need to remind all your family members of that, let them take up some slack for a while.

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