how to keep romance alive: HELP!

**melina123** · 03-08-2003, 07:31 PM

Hi eveyone!

We have a 8.5 month old baby and have been on a grand total of two dates since she was born: one was to canadian tire in Canada to get a new wiper for our car when we went to visit family in montreal and the other was to get hot chocolate in barnes and nobles and have a little chat while mom was visiting and offered to babysit sophia.

W need help! I see that communication is fading and I get irrated with him a lot...try not to show it. I need to spend time with him alone and act like a WOMEN instead of a MOM.

What do you guys do to keep things alive?

Melina

**Katybird** · 03-08-2003, 09:34 PM

Hi! It is really hard to find time to spend together when you have a baby. DH and I found that when our kids were younger that we had to make definate "plans" to spend time together alone. Sometimes we hired a sitter and had a special night out and other times we just had time together after the kid were in bed for the night. I would plan a special meal for us with candlelight and wine and soft music. It did not have to be anything expensive but it gave us time together and we really enjoyed it. It is really important to have time together where you can concentrate on each other, it keeps you from taking each other for granted.

I hope this helps a little.

Blessings,
Kathy

**graci42** · 03-08-2003, 09:51 PM

We don't have SMALL children...the youngest being 7. However, my dh and I make time for each other even if it's only 30 seconds as we pass down the hall. A touch...a smile...laughter shared...small when looked at individually, but they add up.

We occassionally (perhaps twice a year) find ourselves childless. Usually an aunt or Grandparent has confiscated the kids for the night or OMG an entire weekend. We make the most of that time. We stay home, enjoy the peace and commune with each other (graci wiggles eyebrows suggestively). Nothing like getting back to the basics...giggle!

This is a second marriage for both of us. That in itself may make the difference in our attitudes toward it. We BOTH work dilegently at NOT taking one another for granted.

Let me make one suggestion...

http:www.flylady.net

If you haven't heard of her, she is WONDERFUL. She will help bring order from chaos. This will enable you to let go of the resentment you feel toward dh...how...go check out the site and you will understand!

**Daphne** · 03-09-2003, 04:52 AM

I found this website and I hope it can give you some ideas:

http://archive.christianwomentoday.c...g/romance.html

I hope this link shows up....It never works for me!! anyway...

I also would recommend this webiste:
www.lovingyou.com there are a lot of great ideas on this site!!!

**sixfreds** · 03-09-2003, 06:59 AM

We have 4 kids and I remeber those baby days BUT find time you you as a couple, maybe somenight after the baby is asleep make a nice dinner and sit and eat togeher, rent a movie snuggle up and watch it...
It is hard we have triplets and when they were babies it was all about them, all day all night (we had no help) BUT find a way to just sit and spned time doing something you both enjoy..
Maybe even once a month (or week) if it possible find a sitter and be alone together, doesn't have to be anything big or expensive just something..

Eileen

**Ellise** · 03-09-2003, 11:07 AM

You have to MAKE time for each other!! If but for 30 minutes. Maybe you could get up with him in the mornings, fix breakfast and eat together and talk before the baby gets up.

I think the key is to let you both know that the other is still intrested!!!
insted of getting mad, let some of it roll off your back,
DON"T yell at each other, it only makes it worse for everyone involved (easier said than done most times) Talk it out after both have had time to think it over and cool down.
dh and I always make time for one another. get involved in some of the things he enjoys, sports, NASCAR,fishing,tinkering ith cars etc... then invite him into the things you enjoy, gardening is a great way for a couple to spend time together, and the end result is you both get to sit and watch the beauty grow!! Just a few things we've done. HTH

**guest2** · 03-10-2003, 02:41 PM

I think you have gotten some excellent suggestions and advice from all the lovely ladies here!

My husband and I had 3 babies in 22 months (twins the second time) with no family around to help at all. We did however have a good friend that would take the boys off our hands so we could take a nap (LOL) or have a quiet dinner together. We also had a wonderful lady, Grandma Pat, who would come and spent the night at our home and take care of the bys so we could have a night away once a year. She was a Godsend and we really miss her!
You have to work at making time for each other. One of the things that my husband loved was when I would write him a love note and leave it on the mirror or on his pillow. I used to sneak them into his lunchbag also. We would also have romantic dinners at home in front of the fire after I got the boys down to bed and I'd "dress romantically" for him. it reminded him and I both that we were also a couple and not just Mom and Dad. One more suggestion,and I hope it doesn't make you blush, is taking a shower together while the baby sleeps.

**aylasmommy** · 03-10-2003, 03:19 PM

Dress up, throw on an extra special application of makeup, fix up your hair a little extra special....and then don't wait for your husband to make the first move, make one on him

I never thought about it, but my husband told me he really likes it when I make the first move instead of him.

And like the others said you just have to make the time

oh, some things I try to do...

big long passionate kisses before he leaves for work
greeting him with a great big hug and kiss when he gets back.
We talk to each other on the phone during the day

Doing the small things, like making him a grilled cheese, having freshly baked cookies when he gets home, doing the chores he usually does just to do them. Have myself in the 'un mommy' clothes when he gets home, curl my hair and have eye makeup on. (since he always comments when I wear it)

If you find yourselves just sitting in front of the tv, start giving him a foot massage...turn of the tube and just talk...

Have fun!

I remember how hard it was back when ayla was really small, it'll get better

**melina123** · 03-10-2003, 04:51 PM

Thanks for the replies!

We have role reversal issues I think.

I'm the one with the high sex drive (TMI sorry

), I'm the one who wants to look nice and go out on dates.

DH is all about getting into sweat pants and having "family time". Which is great....but I'm more than mom....I'm his wife.

We are communicating though and have a date this saturday planned....woohoooo!!!

Thanks for your advice and links to those websites. THey were useful.

**Daphne** · 03-10-2003, 05:01 PM

I'm so glad ya'll planned a date for this weekend!!

What do you plan to do?

I'm also glad you two are communicating and working it all out!!!

Have fun!

**aylasmommy** · 03-10-2003, 05:05 PM

I'm the one with the high sex drive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sounds like he needs to be emailed all these tips anonymously then

uhhh, minus the makeup

Maybe he could just do a few benchpresses instead

**melina123** · 03-13-2003, 08:10 AM

Daphne:

We don't know what we are doing yet! Maybe disco bowling, hiking or a movie....it is up it the air

Aylasmommy:

I agree

This should be sent to him...oh well....what can I do but communicate. He does not spontagnously kiss me but yestaurday he spontaniously vaccuumed the apartment...what does that mean??

I'm not complaining the house is clean, we are healthy and happy and have a date for sat...woohooo!!!

Thanks for responding.

Melina