DD thinks I hate her.

**MANDERS** · 07-10-2003, 12:38 AM

Ok I have never ever had this happen and its freaking me out.Lauren came down stairs tonight and said I have something to ask you and daddy can't know,so I'm like ok how bad can this be.Then she whispers in my ear"do you hate me and bubba"I almost cried.I had no idea what would ever make her think that.I asked her why she thinks I hate her and she says cause I ground her and yell at her and bubba.I felt awful,I don't like yelling at the kids,but when they are screaming at the top of their lungs its all I can do,I don't like to ground her but I do believe she should learn that she has consequences for her actions.Like when she hit her brother the gameboy was mine for a week(THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO HITTING ALOUD IN MY HOME)

But on the other hand I can see where she might think that,I know if I was 5 I might too.Cause it does seem all I ever do is yell at them,bubba is constantly smacking,punching kicking pushing and I don't know how to stop it(we've tried everything but spanking,cause um hello 2 wrongs don't make a right and what kind of example is it if i smack his butt for smacking his sister)He has also gotten into throwing tantrums all the time,last week he pounded his head on the ground because he was mad,he'l growl at you ,throw things.And it doesn't matter how many times I tell him to get out of my stinking cabinets and stop spraying bleach everywhere he still does it.No one wants their kid around him cause he is so mean.And now when I yell at both of them its because they are fighting and I tell them both to go to their rooms.I have been so stressed out because of this.I know he's only 2 but my goodness,how can someone who can be so sweet be so mean?I just don't get it,he never once cried until he was 20 mo old and I never had a problem with giving him instructiions or putting him to bed but now he is crying all the time,not listening(trait of a 2yr old i know) and will not sleep in his bed.And I feel like I'm taking it out on Lauren too,but she's been doing some of the same things too.

I really need some advice,Lauren was obviously not like this or I would've remembered how to deal with it.Cannon has hit Terrible 2's and doesn't want to come back.

**mrscornbread** · 07-10-2003, 12:50 AM

Amanda, the first bit of advice I would give you from past experience is, stick to your guns. If those are your rules, then they are your rules period. Talk to Lauren and explain that it is a mommy's job to help her children learn right and wrong and that it is part of loving her not a part of hating her. I am a yeller too Amanda, my kids all make fun of me when i am really Pi$$ed off i yell ALOT, but I do try to be fair. I am so sure that you are too or it wouldn't even bother you about what the kids think. The biggest problem I had with my kids was wavering when it came to rules and that is when I started to lose control of my oldest daughter.

Stay consistant with Bubba too, he will work out of his meanness when he has no one to play with he will figure it out too. I dont know how many kids in about first grade that begin to learn the hard way when they spend lots of time alone at recess because they are so mean and demanding that no one wants to play. This will work it self out. Try counting to ten, and see if that helps YOU. the rest will happen on its own. Here's a hug

you need one. pm me if you ever need to yell at someone!!!

**Missy** · 07-10-2003, 01:01 AM

I have no advise, just hugs!

**frugalmel** · 07-10-2003, 01:02 AM

{{hugs}} Sweetie! Hang in there!

**heavensent_7** · 07-10-2003, 05:42 AM

I think Robin has very good advice!

I caught my two eldest kids when they were little planning how to kill me

They also both chose to leave home at very young ages (I thought) which didn't help. But sometimes something happens and I know they still love me.

When DD (16) was 2 she hit her head on furniture and walls and held her breath until she went black! The first time she ever did that I smacked her face to make her breath, I was SO frightened. I spoke to my health visitor and she calmly told me the 'worst' she would do is pass out!!!!

and to ignore her! She always frightened me when she did it but I did ignore her and things improved. If she was banging her head I used to 'try' and ignore her but she sometimes got so uncontrolable I thought she may hurt herself, so I used to hold her tightly and ignore her (if that makes sense) until she stopped.

You have to be consistent - Your DD 'may' temporarily feel this way OR she may be 'trying' to make you feel bad? Kids are good at that lol. Either way if you are consistent, (and you obviously DO love your kids) They KNOW it. Maybe not today - I still have days where I'm the wicked witch (most days LOL) My kids go from 3 - 17 and I have problems like this with all of them in different ways but they DO know I love them, even on days it doesn't feel that way. And sometimes I don't 'like' them and they know that too.

We are all human and kids don't come with instruction books, but things are constantly changing and they do work out. It seems a long way off now but one day you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about and be worrying about something different with them instead LOL.

I can see that now with hindsight - I've listened to other parents, one was talking about her child not eating, my child almost starved himself for 18 months when his sibling was born and I worried he would die, he felt left out and would be mentally damaged for life etc. etc. etc. He's now 17 and he eats like a horse!!!!! But he drinks too much

Good Luck - Don't sweat it - This too shall pass (it REALLY will)

**Darlene** · 07-10-2003, 07:06 AM

Robin & Bev just about coveredit and I just want to send you a I'm a Mom & I understand hug.

**sixfreds** · 07-10-2003, 08:10 AM

take a deep breathe, my daughter asked me that before and I make me feel so guilty like I was doing a horrible job as a parent but we have rules and it has to be that way, stick to your guns! She will understand as he grows up that you are doing everything so she and her brother will grow to be respectable, good people, they need rules and don't feel bad because you displine them..

As long as you give them love they will understand over time... Just give her and Bubba some hugs and try to expain that even thought you love them you have rules they need to follow.

Eileen

**captclearance** · 07-10-2003, 08:20 AM

You just have to keep being the Mom, it's not always such a great job....... We often have to be the bad guy..... Hang in there !
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

**simplemom** · 07-10-2003, 08:53 AM

Lori's right...being a mom is not easy...our children don't always apreciate us when they are young...

On my own experience, though, when I find myself yelling a little too much, I notice it, also because I am tired or have not taken care of myself, enough. I tend to react more calmly to my children's misbehaviour when I am more rested. But, hey...saying it is easier then doing it...especially when we are trying stop two kids from fighting....lol...

((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))))))))) to you, Amanda.

Hang in there. And don't feel bad. My boys have all told me this at least once in their life...being a mom is tough, sometimes...

**graci42** · 07-10-2003, 09:06 AM

ALL OF THE ABOVE AND THEN SOME!

It doesn't get any easier! Great Big Graci Hugs!!

**MANDERS** · 07-10-2003, 09:35 AM

You guys are so awesome!I woke up with a new outlook today.I think it has been a lot of things.I just had a huge fight with my best friend who I might not ever be friends with again.Its rained so much here that we have had standing water on our hill for a week(and its supposed to rain today too)dh has been working at his reg job during the week and all weekend on a side job so its been just me and the kids.I know I do need a break and got a lil one last night when we closed on our refinancing.Woke up this morning realizing that bubba is only 2 and is dealing with becoming a big boy and is having a harder time than Lauren did.Thank you gals so much.

**homesteadmamma** · 07-10-2003, 10:13 AM

Amanda, have you ever had Bubba tested? It seems he is overly aggressive for his age and there may be something else going on that he can't explain to you. I'm concerned with the head banging, growling type of behavior. It may not just be because he is 2.

Just a thought.

**Katybird** · 07-10-2003, 12:04 PM

Big

Amanda! I will be thinking of you.

**guest2** · 07-10-2003, 08:48 PM

Amanda
All mothers feel guilty at times and kids learn very quickly how to push our buttons. I used to be a huge yeller (I've toned it down now, but I still ground them). One thing that I finally learned was to tell my kids that I was very angry about their behavior and didn't like it one bit, but that I would always love them. This helped them to see that no matter what, Mommy would always love them, but I could still be upset with their behavior. That was a huge turning point in my relationship with my kids.
I also am a bit concerned with Bubba's behavior. I'd hate to see him hurt himself or someone else. I think I'd get that checked out. At 2 years of age, it would be really hard for him to tell you "why" he is doing it.

big HUG!