Raising tean agers....who has been through that experience?

**simplemom** · 08-08-2003, 03:11 PM

Help me someone! Maybe some of you older moms, who have raised your children and are now adults---Tell me how did you you do it???

It has happened....

My 14 1/2 yr. old, my 12 yr. old and even my 10 yr. old, no longer want the regular sneakers, at a *normal* price...*sigh*

---now it has to come from the Skateboard store*Empire* and they HAVE to be the brand that so-and-so skateboarder WEARS...

I have said that I am paying the price I always paid for shoes and they pay the difference. But Daniel has no money....he's 10...He spent all his money in gripping his skate, candies in vending machines(without my persmission) and buying a new skate a few weeks ago...

Francois, the oldest, now wants the 35 $ snow hat, the $250 $ snow pants and 66$ gloves---it's for snowboarding this winter. Everything was 40 % off from these prices. I paid half for everything and he pays the other half...but still, it cost me almost $100 for snow pants and gloves...the hat, I said he could wait...

I told the 2 oldest boys to start thinking about babysitting or having a newspaper run---I am not paying for their luxeries and *brands*

Geez...I buy all my clothes and my dh clothes second hand...I even deprive myself for them, but I'm not going to ruin our budget for them!

...Thanks for reading and I would REALLY love to hear how you coped when your teenagers were groing up and DID IT WORK? Or have they so much rebelled that you were cheap and bad and turned away from you...

Lucie,who is shocked about the changes about her boys, who now think they need to pay high prices for stuff...

**heavensent_7** · 08-08-2003, 03:34 PM

I felt awful because I didn't have the money and I KNEW they had to keep up an image with their friends or they would be ridiculed.

Still it didn't change the fact we didn't HAVE the money!

They HAD to help - get jobs, save their own pocket money, ask for money for Christmas and Birthdays and learn to go without 'other' things that were less important to them. I don't think it hurt them?

I did try to go the extra mile occaisionally because I couldn't live with the thought they were being bullied or something LOL. And a few times their father stepped in and just bought for them, but that always made me mad!

There's a fine line IMO - because they do have to belong, but I still don't believe it does them any favours to think when they WANT something it is automatically there!

At the end of the day my parents would just say NO and I don't think any badly of them NOW

My eldest kids also know that I love them and I do my best and that's all I can do.

I don't think it's right to just say NO - because I said NO! But to at least try and explain WHY. They don't understand at the time, I've been a witch, don't love them, they hope I'll die etc LOL - but it DOES sink in - I know that now.

It's hard either way - but then, hey that's their job LOL.

Good Luck and LOTS of hugs. xxxxx

**heavensent_7** · 08-08-2003, 03:36 PM

Hehe - I didn't see Carolyns post while I was gassing but I agree!

**simplemom** · 08-08-2003, 04:40 PM

Thank-you Carolyn and Bev. It certainly does help to hear you. I feel reassured Carolyn about knowing your kids turned out just fine and still talk to you, today. I'm worried, because my dh's brother has stop speaking to his parents 17 years ago and has wanted to be disowned(I don't know if that sounds right) because he said his parents have not given him wanted he needed in life...(I know his wife kind of brainwashed him...)

But that's why I'm worried...I can't give them everything and I don't want to either...I think it can get ridiculous and we would only be teaching them to consume and buy and buy, but I don't want to have my boys hate me for it later in life...

...and you know what? Pierre's parents have given very much to their own 4 boys-They went to private school-the best one in Quebec-(We couldn't afford that)

They had expensive gifts compared to what I had when I was growing up.

They had a big house, played sports and even spent theirs summers in a very nice camping with a very nice camper...etc..etc..but they did wear some hand- me down clothes, shared their toys, etc...

Anyhow, hearing your stories and hopefully others' stories with their own teen-agers will secure me that I am on the right track(or trying to be)

Thanks

**gemmbp** · 08-08-2003, 05:30 PM

I agree with everyone so far. My DS is the only one who rebelled at all. Now he's 19 and has a job-and he checks the clearance racks if he wants from the "right" stores! All the girls grumble occasionally,but they know the situation and we all do just fine.

**guest2** · 08-08-2003, 06:00 PM

Lucie,
I'm right in the middle of raising teens myself. My boys know that we can only afford so much and that if they want the "special extras", they have to buy it themselves. I'm always amazed at how they don't seem to "need" something when it's their own hard earned money that they are spending!