I need help & I need lots of prayers.....

**Guest1** · 09-14-2003, 12:03 AM

Jeepers - where to begin....so many starting points....trying not to cry....

My best friend (Kristine) invited me to a "Creative Memories" party the other day and told me to bring some pictures to scrap - I love this type of thing & decided that now was the time to bring out my Daddy's pictures & do a book of "My Daddy & Me"....he died 14 April 2000 - I miss him terribly....

After he died, my mom *literally* tosses an envelope of pictures at me & stated very matter-of-factly, "These were your Granny Kirkland's [my dad's mom] and you may want them. If not, throw them away, I don't want them."

I put them in a box with other stuff of my Dad's that she was getting rid of...by the way - this was the evening of the day he died - he passed at 3:41pm and this was at like 8:00pm....

Gosh - I'm so sorry - this is going to be long....

For a bit of background:
- I look absolutely nothing like my mother....
- no pictures exist of my mother pregnant with me....
- when I was pregnant with Katie, I asked why - my g'ma (hateful gal) told me that maybe it was because my mother was never pregnant....
- every single time I've ever asked if I was adopted, my mom would *always* reply, "are you nuts, look at your ears & look at your dad's and you tell me..."
- my Dad always said that if he were aloud to name me, I'd have been "Theresa Dawn" but my mom hated that name...
- my Dad had a tattoo on the fleshy web by his thumb - "OD" - would never tell me what the heck that meant....

Okay ~ well to make a long story even longer.....
Today was the day of the CM party - because I'm soooo together, I forgot to pick out my pictures until about 45 minutes before I was to leave!! In desperation, I grabbed the envelope of pictures that were once tossed at me and began to go through them....whew - this is tough....I found lots of pictures of my Daddy - him in his ARMY uniform, pictures before he left the states, pictures of him & his friends at the war...in these pictures, I also found a picture of my dad & his *WIFE* in Korea - her name according to the back of the pic is "Odessa Dawn" (OD) - she's obviously Korean-American and quite attractive, very young, long dark hair, distinct features...okay - you all are pretty bright - yes, I look EXACTLY like her....

I showed these pictures to GW, Katie, & Kristine - they all think I'm the "spitting image" of this woman....my "mother" would never tell me the truth....unfortunately, the only person who could've told me anything about this gal is gone now - up there singing "Ring of Fire" with Johnny Cash!

How do I go about finding out more about this woman?? Does anyone know what I can do when I have absolutely zilch to start with?? All I have is a name and a picture...I'm so much more emotional about this than I ever thought I would've been....I've cried almost all afternoon...Somebody please tell me where to turn, what to do - or - tell me that there's no sense even worrying about it & to just let it go....GW doesn't understand why this is bothering me so badly - to be honest, I don't even know....What am I going to do??

**PrairieRose** · 09-14-2003, 12:14 AM

Aaaww, I'm sorry Debbie.

I don't have any suggestions but surely there is a msg. board somewhere that can offer suggestions. Try doing a google search on finding birth parents. Also the other thought that comes to mind is a private investigator. Are you sure your Mom wouldn't talk to you about it now that you have your suspicions?

**KKCondrey** · 09-14-2003, 12:37 AM

OMG, Deb. I am so sorry you are going thru this right now. If your mom won't give you any information do you think there is another relative that might be able to point you in the right direction or tell you why your parents never told you any of this?

As for now I would have to agree with Lisa. Try doing a search on that name and see if you come up with anything, plus the PI is a good ID if you don't find out anything from your mom.

**Missy** · 09-14-2003, 01:32 AM

OMG Debbie! I am so sorry, this must be incredibily hard on you. I can only imagine. Big hugs!

I would try what the other ladies have suggested. Or can you go to a relative with that picture and perhaps ask them to help you clear up some questions?

I wish you the very best of luck. and again

**lucy979** · 09-14-2003, 02:57 AM

Wow, Debbie. I wish I had better advice for you. I agree with the other ladies about doing a search. Someone out there knows how you can find some info. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but we are all here for you!

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 09-14-2003, 03:43 AM

Debbie, this is a horrible way to learn something about yourself. Do you know where your dad was stationed? You might be able to start there along with a web search. Good luck!

**coco2** · 09-14-2003, 06:47 AM

First talk to your mother and then go see your uncle or aunt on your dad side they might have some information. You might also find a friend of your father that was stationed with him someone must know something. I wish you all the best.

P.S.: With a picture of this women you should be able to find something.

**Daphne** · 09-14-2003, 07:25 AM

I'm so sorry you found this out! I would also suggest what the other ladies mentioned...a search on the internet or maybe speaking to other family members or friends. Sending many hugs to you and if you need anything let us know.

**Darlene** · 09-14-2003, 08:29 AM

What an emotional rollercoaster ride! I hate family secrets, they usually end up hurting someone and protect noone.

Nothing more I can add to what the other kind ladies have said but want to wish you well in your search. Big hug to you Debbie

**dz_blonde_girl** · 09-14-2003, 08:59 AM

Wow! What a blow. Sorry I don't have any advice.

It reminds me of one of our patients who actually has 4 children. Her daughter, however, is confident that she is an only child. It's a very complicated situation, especially when you are trying to help someone deal with end of life issues.

You're not alone. I hope you are able to find the information you need and that it brings you peace.

**AmyMCGS** · 09-14-2003, 09:30 AM

Big hugs.

I'd agree with everyone else, maybe you can do a search on birth parents. Or maybe you dad's military records... if she was his wife then there would be a record somewhere of that.

Any chance your mom will talk about this now that you have figured things out? She had to know when she gave you that envelope of pictures that you were going to have questions.

Best wishes... we're all here for you. :hugs:

**homesteadmamma** · 09-14-2003, 10:48 AM

I absolutely hate family secrets. We found out through old papers in an attic that my grandfather was married twice, had a family with both wives and was never divorced from the first wife when he married the second wife.

Its horrible to find out these secrets. My heart goes out to you.

I too would do a search on finding adoptive parents, but even doing that you may not find anything out if you weren't legally adopted.

You said the one person who could help you out is gone now, singing with Johnny Cash. Does she have family that might be able to help you. You might trying there first.

Many

**MJsLady** · 09-14-2003, 12:07 PM

The first place i would go would be to your mom. I would also file a request with the army for your dad's service records. I am not sure how to do this and I need to do the same. I am sure my step mom would help but she is a major procrastinator! (Still have no copies of my dads Dc or obit that she promised me the night he died!)
I do know about family secrets mine has several and I truly doubt I will ever know the truth of any of them.
Hugs and prayers for you sweetie, ya know where I am if ya need me!

**Mom23boys** · 09-14-2003, 12:34 PM

Debbie, I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I think the ladies have offered great advice. I think I would start with where your dad was stationed at when he was married to OD. I would also talk to his relatives. Show them the picture and tell them your suspicions.

Good luck in your search for answers.

**Heather** · 09-14-2003, 12:40 PM

Oh Debbie, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Wonderful advice from the ladies about finding out some answers. Definitely asking family would be the first thing I would do and I don't know why but I immediately thought to get more copies of that one picture in case something happens to it. Debbie I am praying for you that you find the answers you want and for peace in your heart!!