Priorities in our relationships

**guest2** · 09-25-2003, 07:05 PM

Hi Ladies,
Recently God has put it on my heart to write down the areas that He is dealing with me in my life and possibly write a devotional for women. Here is what He was dealing with me on today and having me write about. Please let me know what you think.

Prioritizing our Relationships, Is Someone Getting Lost in the Process?

Dear Sisters,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this. We, as women, have so many roles to fill and so much to fit into our busy lives. The demands on us are overwhelming at times as we try to juggle all of our responsibilities. Some days it seems as if there are not enough hours in the day to do all that it is that we feel we must do. We try to "fit in" our devotions, caring for our homes, running errands, church activities, taking our children to all their sports, lessons, etc. . Some of us work outside of our homes, some of us homeschool, some do volunteer work within our communities, others work from their homes and some of us try to do any number of these things all at once. We think we are doing so well, but upon examining things more closely, we find that there is something missing here. It should be our second priority, right after our relationship with God. No, it's not the kids, it's our husbands.
Recently, this was brought home to me on a very personal level. Our family has been so busy lately, running from one thing to the next. One day I looked at my "to do" list and realized that there was nothing there that pertained to my husband. It was loaded with chores, errands, outside commitments, teaching the children, taking the children to their activities, but nowhere was there anything on it about spending time with my husband or blessing him. I realized that I was putting a priority on everything and everyone else but him. Ouch! I decided right there and then that I needed to do some serious soul searching, repent before God and make some drastic changes.
The day that my husband and I married, I vowed to love, honor and cherish him. Somehow in our daily life, I had forgotten what that means. Yes, I do love him, but was I demonstrating that love?. Was I willing to sacrifice for him as he does daily for me? He works long hours in order for me to be able to stay home with our children and homeschool them. That is a sacrifice on his part. He also will go without things that he desires or may even need to make sure the kids and I have what we need and also desire. I have to admit that I had gotten very selfish. The next area was honoring my husband. Was I asking his opinion on things? Was I checking with him before making plans for our family or children? Was I asking him what He thought and then honoring and supporting his decision even if I did not like it? There are times that I forget that God has put my husband over me as a covering to protect my children and I and that he can see things that I cannot or am not willing to. The next area is cherishing my husband. Do I truely cherish him? Do my actions show him that he is precious to me, or do they show otherwise? Am I willing to make our relationship a priority above everyone and everything else but God? How do I demonstrate this to him?
First I needed to repent before God for my selfish attitude and wrong priorities. Next I needed to make some changes in my life and put my relationship with my husband back where it belonged. I also needed to confess my sin to him and ask for his forgiveness. I needed to lay everything out before him and ask him for his opinion on things. What are our goals for our family and did they line up with each other and with the word of God? We discussed our children's activities and what he felt would be not only good for them, but also for our family. We got out the calendar and scheduled in time for each other and for our family and wrote it on with ink! We also took time to get away, just the two of us. Some times we just take walks together and talk, other times we get away for the day or overnight. After all that time of neglecting our relationship, we needed to come back together and nurture it once more. I'm learning to sacrifice my wants and make sure that my husband gets some of his. The wonderful thing about all of this is that I get more excited about being able to bless him than getting something for myself. One day I pray that I will be able to bless him in a big way by getting him another truck. He gave his up when the twins were born so we could get a second car that would fit all of our growing family. He gave up something he loved for something he loved even more....us.

Debbie Gilbertson 9/25/03

**mustang80** · 09-25-2003, 10:11 PM

Debbie, that is just wonderful. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I feel that the past few weeks, my DH has been neglected as well.

We always take time together without the kids whether it be going to yard sales, out for a bite to eat with some friends, or just a ride to the Home Depot. I'm thankful I can leave the baby home with the girls so we can continue these things.

Lately (actually since school started) I've been so busy with the children and their activities, hubby is starting to get pushed aside. I will work on this, now. Thanks Deb!

**guest2** · 09-26-2003, 11:17 AM

Danielle
Thank you for sharing with me also. Now, go and do something special with you wonderful hubby and bless his socks off!

**heavensent_7** · 09-26-2003, 12:48 PM

Debbie ~ I think it's a wonderful piece of writing and a great share.

I think part of the problem is our life is SO full of 'STUFF' that everything seems a priority and it's hard to know what you can drop??

If the truth is known I've probably been neglecting my DH for the last 7 years!

But I only have 24 hours in my day and I seem to be filling about 19 of them already (without sleep!!!)

I KNOW we always find time to do the things we 'want' to do but it's very hard to prioritise even if important.

ROFL - Do I EVER make any sense

LOL

**Karla** · 09-26-2003, 02:23 PM

Debbie, thank you for bringing this up..and for being so open and honest about your feelings.
For me this is a real eye opener...last week my husband and I took a few days off to do some fall camping...just the 2 of us and to celebrate our 22nd anniversary.
This was a much needed mini -vacation for our selfs...I think we (both of us) get just to comfortable knowing that we do love each other that we forget to show it and cherish each other...I know I'm probably not making much sence...for example my dh isn't much of a talker...I'm the chatterbox..he is comfortable enough with me to not say much and knows I love him anyway. I on the other hand do not handle the silence well...even though I do know he loves me with all his heart I seem to sometimes want more...
I do think I need to do some soul searching and show him he is loved, honored and cherished....He has given up so much for this family and continues to do so...he also works extra overtime each week so we can get by and have me at home...
I do believe I've got some major changes to make in my life.

**guest2** · 09-26-2003, 06:48 PM

Ladies I thank you for your honesty and being will to share your struggles in this area also. Bev, you do make sense!

Karla, I'm so glad you and your hubby were able to get away together and reconnect. I completely understand where both of you ladies are coming from. This week I have been making an extra effort to do things that my husband likes. I've had dinner ready for him when he gets home and even had it packed up and ready for him to take with him last night as he rushed home from work, had 10 minutes to shower and then took the twins to guitar lessons and then took everyone to Hunter's Safety. He was so thankful that I had his dinner ready so he could have a nice hot meal even if he did have to eat in in the parking lot at the school before class started. He commented on it several times last night after he got home. Last night he also expressed how he wanted to be able to relax this weekend and not be running from one thing to another. That wiped out some ideas that I had for the weekend, but I told him that I would gladly do whatever he wanted and thanked him for working so hard for all of us. Tomorrow I am planning on making him breakfast and having a nice relaxing day alone with him since the boys will be gone working. We'll probably watch a video of his choice and snuggle together on the couch.

**doodlebug** · 09-26-2003, 09:26 PM

Debbie, thank you for sharing this with us

I suddenly realized a few years ago that I was not giving dh all the love, affection, respect, attention that he should have been getting. I learned this from watching my MIL and FIL, what a growling, neglectful, self-centered couple they are, and from all outward appearances not very happy. It opened my eyes and I said I'd never end up like that. But, with day to day stresses and stuff it really takes some effort sometimes to not let dh be pushed aside. So many people seem to think that marriage just happens, but like most things, marriage takes work and dedication. I might also add that I've watched both my brothers go through two divorces each and my sister divorced once. That can also be an eye-opener.

**guest2** · 09-26-2003, 09:41 PM

Dana,
Our family too has been touched by divorce. My husband's sister and brother are both now on their 3rd marriages. It affected our whole family and even worse, my BIL will have nothing to do with his adopted daughter from his first marraige even though she is now an adult (because he's still mad at her mother). She is truely a beautiful woman (she's only 7 years younger than I am), is now married with children and he is missing out on being a grandfather. He and his sister never put any real effort or even really knew the people they were marrying well for their first 2 marriages. Thankfully, I think they have both learned from thier mistakes and are not taking their 3rd marriages for granted.

**Katybird** · 09-27-2003, 11:17 AM

Thank you Debbie for posting this. It was just what I needed right now. I truly think that God directed me to read this today. I have been neglecting and dishonouring DH greatly recently due to a family crisis. I really needed that reminder. I have the most wonderful husband imaginable and I need to tell him and show him that much more often. He is everything that God wants a husband to be and I am blessed to have him in my life.

**guest2** · 09-27-2003, 08:22 PM

Kathy I'm glad that this touched your heart. I pray that you and your husband will have a long and happy marriage and that you will both be blessed!

**DeAngelo's Wife** · 10-18-2003, 01:29 PM

DEBBIE!!!! Wow that post was truly God Inspired...God speaks through you. Me and my DH had a BAD fall out on Sunday..over something so small....it was over him not washing the dishes...I mean it was that small but something that had built up in me because I feel that I have to do all of the housework etc.and all he does is pay the bills and eat and watch TV..LOL..I mean it sounds comical now but it was WWIII on Sunday. I told him look I work too 40 hours a week and still have to do housework..I left the house angry and that is when God ministered to me about my role as a wife..it was ugly the site he showed me but I NEEDED to see it I needed it.. and because of it..I came back home cooked dinner and let it go....I too am a busy woman in my church as well as I have 2 businesses that I do (I am a make-up artist and I have a romance business for couples) but my hubby felt that I put our home last on the list of things to do..well I am working on me and changing me and this week with prayer I have seen change in him..praise God..Debbie may I keep in touch with you personallly. If you don't mind..I know that you will be an encourgement to me..if it is okay to keep in touch my email is
exquisite_looks@yahoo.com..be blessed

Rashida in Detroit

**guest2** · 10-18-2003, 02:20 PM

Rashida,
Of course you can keep in touch with me personally! I'm glad that you were blessed by my thoughts and that things are going better for you and your hubby now!

Have you read the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartain? It's really good and helped me to see that I needed to be praying for God to change my heart and how I reacted to things. I also have loved "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Pierce.

BTW, I sent you a private email through this site with my email address!