Do you feel you can change your dh/so

[homesteadmamma]

You don't like how he does something. It drives you nuts that he won't change. Do you feel that you can change him or do you even try.

[KKCondrey]

We dated for over 6.5 years before we got married so I gave up even trying about 6.4 years ago. There are a few things I still try to work on, but so far it's not working...lol

[heaven]

nah i learned with my first husband you can't change them. never even tried with the second

[Sara Noel]

Change no. Mold yes. I think that many small things can use some helpful gentle guidance and good positive experiences to build off of and can make a difference in some ways.

I don't mean large things or things that are core values. I am talking about little things like the socks hitting the hamper. lol

It's not changing...It's behavior modification....errr....It's marriage learning...yeah yeah that's it.

If only they made like little zap electronic collars for husbands. Now that would change some of these things. rofl

::He goes to toss his socks anywhere ZAPPPPP...think again my friend::

[mrscornbread]

Nope.
Leopards never lose their spots.
Love them or leave them.

[AmyMCGS]

I'm with Sara... I think you can mold him a little, change the little things, but the big stuff is not going to change.

For example, I've gotten DH to eat less red meat, but that doesn't mean his favorite meal isn't still a beef taco or a hamburger. Left on his own, he'd live on hamburgers, tacos, and hot dogs, but with my not-so-subtle influence, those things are not part of his daily diet.

[Sara Noel]

I think I look at it where people can change because I have changed so drastically myself. Before Gabe, I wouldn't do half the things I do now. I believe people are always changing. I can't force Gabe to change, but I think if he is made aware of some things that I'd like to be different...they can indeed be worked on and possibly change.

I mean let's say Gabe never dusted the coffee table and no matter how I nagged he just wouldn't. Anything can happen. One day, he may find that I am unable to, so he does it. Maybe, he sees that it makes me happy and starts doing it more often. Initially, not realizing that something so small could make me so happy. kwim?

I dunno, I just think change is certain and I expect change all the time. We're still relatively young and I believe people evolve and change in their lives all the time.

But if we're talking core values...I don't think that changes. I mean unless something profound impacts the person life to make them want to change.

[Guest1]

Ladies, please, who wants a moldy husband?!

I tried in the beginning, but after the first year I just accepted the fact I wasn't attracted to him as "project" - just have to accept the things that won't change & move along - thank goodness he's never tried to change me!!

[sunshine]

I agree with most everyone above- you can modify some small things, but the core values will remain the same. And I really wouldn't want to change him too much anyway. I did marry a man I love, so if I change him too much- he won't be the man I love anymore.

[PrairieRose]

I tried for a *few* years, remember I was very young....I still thought "anything" was possible. I just try to love the warts and all now.

Oh Sara, that sock thing....please see the thread about do you and dh argue (or whatever). That was what we argue the most about! (I don't think I actually listed that but it's true). After 27.5 years I figure I can pick em up lots easier than I can let him have it over it. Just not worth the time and trouble. I have considered a huge, bulky hamper at the foot of the bed where the socks fall-day in - day out. (if you could see my bedroom you'd realized that we'd have to build a ramp over it to get to the bathroom!)