How did you choose ........

**lucy979** · 01-06-2004, 01:54 PM

How did you choose guardians for our children if something were to happen to you and your dh/so?

Dh had to make a will before he went to Iraq and he put someone down as a guardian that I just don't agree with. I haven't told him that though. I have been thinking about getting a will and just don't know who to pick and how to get dh to change his will as well.

It is such a big decision.

**Dixie** · 01-06-2004, 02:04 PM

My dkids are all grown or almost so. If they were younger, I would choose someone who loved them and shared our values. This isn't politcally correct, but they would have to be Christan(s).

**Darlene** · 01-06-2004, 02:11 PM

It is a tough but important thing to do. Hubby & I talked about it at length. We wanted a family member who the kids spend time with and love. Nobody can replace you or have all the same child raising thoughts as you so you have to figure out who else comes close. They also have to agree to do this for you so you'll have to talk with them about it. Our main goal was to pick someone that would do their best to raise my children with love, understanding & guidance.We also wanted to chose someone younger than us. Good thing to plan for...just in case.

**MJsLady** · 01-06-2004, 02:19 PM

I am thankful we didn't have to choose. We just never could decide, his family is nuts, my family is nuts both enough to cause mental damage to the boys, and we do not share the same friends, I go to church, he doesn't.
I hope you two can deal with it better than we did, we ignored the problem, lucky for us it is now not an issue!
For the record, I do not recommend letting it go like we did!

**guest2** · 01-06-2004, 03:37 PM

We actually have changed the guardians for our children several times. Still need to get a will written and make it all legal like!

We did not choose any family members but that is because they do not share the same values we do. Both the sets of grandparents are too old and don't want the responsibility. Our siblings are not even considered because of our differing values. We chose some close friends who have the same values as we do and love our children. With them the kids would continue to be raised in a Christian home with good moral values and be homeschooled (they are also a homeschooling family). These were huge considerations for us.

**frugalmel** · 01-11-2004, 11:23 PM

My dh had to do one before he left for Kosovo as well. We chose dh's father. Even though he is older. He is a christian and he and MIL goe to church regularly. They hold the same views as we do on most things.

Laci, you need to make sure that you talk with your dh about this. Explain your concerns and then sit down together and chose the guardian(s). They are both your children, so you both need to agree on this. JMO though.

**forestdale** · 02-03-2004, 03:19 PM

In 1984, as we were driving 2000kms to be at the funeral of a very good friend of mine I asked my husband about having legal guardians for our two sons. He said he was happy with any choice I made so we decided on a unmarried friend I'd know for many years. She was at the funeral so at the appropriate time I asked her and told her to go away and think it over for a while. She said she didn't need to, the answer was YES!!! and it was the most wonderful thing she'd ever been asked to do. My sons where then 3 and 4 years old.
Years went by with her sending the kids birthday and Christmas gifts and luckily she never needed to step into our shoes. Just after the 18th birthday of my youngest son I took her a gift to show my appreciation and to "let her off the hook". She told me again that she felt priviledged and honoured to have had this role in their lives.
Six months ago my son was in London, he's a chef and he had a work permit for 2 years. The plan was to hang out with a friend he went to school with for a couple of weeks and then to find a job. At the end of the third week he was beaten and robbed in the middle of London at 2pm in the afternoon. He went to the police but they were understaffed and over-wokred and besides it was a "minor crime". Grrrrrrr. He was on the phone crying to me and I've never felt so helpless in my whole life.
Enter "the godmother". She was on a six month holiday in London! I emailed her and within hours she had picked up my son and had him safe and sound in her flat. He stayed with her until he left London a week or so later. They really got to know each other during that time. She lent him money until we had a chance to get him some more over there, she listened to him and comforted him while he talked about his ordeal and in every sense of the word, she became his "godmother" all over again.