Let's talk about our teenagers!

**simplemom** · 01-24-2004, 03:03 PM

Ok....I really need to talk about this! I feel I am new at being a mom to teenagers. My oldest son is 15, my second is 12 1/2 and Daniel will be 11 on monday, but acts like a teenager....*sigh*

I have questions:

#1-Does your teenager refuse to put winter boots? even if it's freezing cold, snowing a snowstorm....???

#2-Does your teenager want to play on the computor ALL the time?

#3-Does your teenager *try* to get away with not doing homework studying....I have a son, who seems to have had homework 10 times only, since september...

Ok, if you can please share with me your answers, I would love to learn more how your teenagers are in your home....

I want to know if mine are normal or maybe I lost control or I don't know what....lol....

Thank-you

**Darlene** · 01-24-2004, 03:40 PM

Welcome to the world of teenagers Lucie.
What your describing sounds typical to me.
#1 Don't you know it's not cool to wear boots? They ruin the look. I wouldn't wear them when I was their age either.

#2 Yes, especially in the colder months. In the summer they are too busy doing other stuff. They wereaddicted to video games but that fad has pretty much passed. If you don't want them doing it has much, set those limits & find them something else to do like partisipating in some sports.
#3 Some kids get their work done in school. Mark has a study hall and does alot then. If the grades are up I don't harp on him. I still keep up by asking him what's going on and asking after a test how things went. Where my son goes to school they send home progress reports so you can keep up with how your child is doing. Any major problems the teacher will call.

This being a Mom of a teenager is tough but it does get better.Really!!!!Now that mine are 17 & 18 we actually have real conversations & stuff.

I remember when I used to ask where is my son/daughter and what did you do with them? It seemed like an alien had switched places with them.
Hang in there Lucie!!

**MJsLady** · 01-24-2004, 03:45 PM

HI Lucie, Your boys sound pretty normal to me.
#1-Does your teenager refuse to put winter boots? even if it's freezing cold, snowing a snowstorm....??? Well we do not have real winter here but yes, my oldest (18) claims to never be cold.

#2-Does your teenager want to play on the computor ALL the time? YES! At least they did beofre they wnet on the youth group ski trip. Now they spend more time doing other things, I do not know if this is a temporary thing or not yet though!

#3-Does your teenager *try* to get away with not doing homework studying....I have a son, who seems to have had homework 10 times only, since september... YES neither of my boys seem to ever have homework! Since they do pass most of their classes (usually with a bit of prodding but they have managed to pass each year!) I can only believe they are stating the truth, that they finish up work during slow class periods. Most of their homework is beyond me anyway so bringing it home would not be helpful. (They are both in the some what advanced classes not just the regular classes)
In any case dear, your boys are normal for this age group from what i see not only in my boys but in my boys friends as well!

I must admit though, I am blessed with great kids. Neither likes the "crowd" at school, they complain daily about the kids drinking and such on weekends and never attend dances and parties because of those kids. I am sorry they feel they have to miss out but on the other hand I am proud of them to be so set on standing by the things we taught them.

**simplemom** · 01-24-2004, 04:34 PM

Well, you do reassure me, Darlene and Melissa!

I was wondering...maybe I am not tough enough, but gee, I am not going to beat them up to wear their boots! I can argue and explain all I want, they refuse to wear them. Exept Daniel...I told him, he has no choice, since he is in grade school and if he doesn't wear them, the school doesn't let him out to play at recess and lunch, so he cooperates, but not with a smile...lol

A few more questions...

#4-Does your teen have a very messy room? Does he/she ever pick up or do their beds? ever?...even when you argue, plead, etc...?

#5-Do you feel like *rejected* when you accompany your teen shopping to buy them a peice of clothing?...in a cool store...even if you are nice and smile...even the sales people aren't too cool with you, because I think they need to be cool with your teen...so you feel like a weirdo or something?...

This happened to me yesterday, when I went to a cool store with Mathieu(12) to exchange a $45 tee-shirt (he had paid, btw, with his Christmas money..I don't pay that much for clothes!

)

#6-What style is your teen?

Francois(15) is a *skater*, Mathieu(12) announced to us, before Christmas that *after* Chrsitmas he would be completely *fresh* (he was a skater too, BEFORE)....Daniel is a *skater*....THANKGOODNESS Patrick is 6 years old!

And yes, I have the impression Mathieu has been abducted or brainwashed by some extra-terrestial...! Francois is starting to become his self again...a little---

**guest2** · 01-24-2004, 05:07 PM

LOL Lucie! I have 3 teenaged boys ages 14 twins and 16. We homeschool, but I still have to push on getting the reports, SAT prep and other things done. Messy rooms seem to be the norm with this age and I find that I have to have them "dig out" once a week on a regular basis. They must clean their rooms if they want friends to spend the night. However, their definition of clean and mine are world's apart.

As for the boots, my kids all have winter boots that they love, so that is not a problem here. The computer and video game thing is an ongoing battle and I have to limit their time on them. My kids enjoy having me go shopping with them, so I have not run into a problem there yet and if a salesclerk is rude to me, my boys will refuse to buy anything from them or the store. As for their style, boy, I don't know. Josh likes to look cool and dress in the latest styles and is also a jock. Jaysn is my self proclaimed computer geek and has his own sense of style and who he is. Chris is my country boy and really enjoys working with our neighbor (retired Uncle Bob, Chris's best friend) and being up at the farm.

I really do enjoy my kids and I find them more and more interesting the older they get. Each child enjoys having special time just with their father or I and I have been told this is "strange behavior" by other parents. We also have not had the major rebellion in our home that I was told to expect from teens. I think it's because we have always been very close to our kids and we have great communication with them.

**MJsLady** · 01-24-2004, 06:33 PM

To answer your 2nd set of questions,
#4-Does your teen have a very messy room? Does he/she ever pick up or do their beds? ever?...even when you argue, plead, etc...? YES MJ and I have decided it is easier on our nerves to shut their doors. They do other chores about the house and need a space that is theirs to do with as they please. We do draw the line at trash and food items but as for their "stuff" it is theirs and if it gets misplaced or messed up they must figure out how to replace it.

#5-Do you feel like *rejected* when you accompany your teen shopping to buy them a peice of clothing?...in a cool store...even if you are nice and smile...even the sales people aren't too cool with you, because I think they need to be cool with your teen...so you feel like a weirdo or something.
Fortunately for me, the guys REFUSE to go to the cool or as they say "prep" clothing stores. They want just cargo jeans and basic tees. On this side I am shocked!
#6-What style is your teen? Francois(15) is a *skater*, Mathieu(12) announced to us, before Christmas that *after* Chrsitmas he would be completely *fresh* (he was a skater too, BEFORE)....Daniel is a *skater*....THANKGOODNESS Patrick is 6 years old!
Christopher is a skate boarder (not sure of the cool term for it) Andrew as a SR has a style all his own and folks can either take him as a friend or bug off. He fortunately has attracted mostly clean cut nice kids to him, there are a couple troublesome kids but they seem to have no influence on him, other than to anger him with their stupid behavior! He basically ignores them most of the time.

**Darlene** · 01-24-2004, 06:44 PM

#4 Too me it seems boys always have something more important to do than what you want them to do. It can be cleaning their room or signing a card sometimes. they are just sooooo busy. They(the kids_ are now upstairs & I am downstairs. I go up "there" about once a week & that's it . They know as long as they keep up with things , I won't bother them. They also know that I will invade any part of this house if I feel I need to

)

#5 I had so much fun shopping for my snowboarding son at the wierdo shops. I just based their behavior on what I expected at any store I shop. I did shop when they first opened so it was me and them with all their piercings and they were very friendly nice people. I wouldn't want that for my kids but hey they were nice people. Not always what you look like...it's who you are.

#6 He's a boarder. Kinda like a skater only different, lol. He's on the "ski" team for boarding & this (today) was to be his second trip . Well they canceled this and the one before it because of the frigid temps.(high today 4)He's got ants in his pants big time to use the board he bought with his own money a few months ago!!! Isn't amazing what they are doing with all these boards.

My kids too went through the spending too much money on a tee shirt. Now they know different. It all comes in time...hang in there!

Originally posted by simplemom
Well, you do reassure me, Darlene and Melissa! I was wondering...maybe I am not tough enough, but gee, I am not going to beat them up to wear their boots! I can argue and explain all I want, they refuse to wear them. Exept Daniel...I told him, he has no choice, since he is in grade school and if he doesn't wear them, the school doesn't let him out to play at recess and lunch, so he cooperates, but not with a smile...lol

A few more questions...

#4-Does your teen have a very messy room? Does he/she ever pick up or do their beds? ever?...even when you argue, plead, etc...?

#5-Do you feel like *rejected* when you accompany your teen shopping to buy them a peice of clothing?...in a cool store...even if you are nice and smile...even the sales people aren't too cool with you, because I think they need to be cool with your teen...so you feel like a weirdo or something?... This happened to me yesterday, when I went to a cool store with Mathieu(12) to exchange a $45 tee-shirt (he had paid, btw, with his Christmas money..I don't pay that much for clothes! )

#6-What style is your teen? Francois(15) is a *skater*, Mathieu(12) announced to us, before Christmas that *after* Chrsitmas he would be completely *fresh* (he was a skater too, BEFORE)....Daniel is a *skater*....THANKGOODNESS Patrick is 6 years old!

And yes, I have the impression Mathieu has been abducted or brainwashed by some extra-terrestial...! Francois is starting to become his self again...a little---

**pip** · 01-24-2004, 06:45 PM

Let's see....my kids often refuse to wear coats, even if if is 20 degrees below.Boots?!!!!
Nintendo, computer, and TV are an ongoing discussion.
!5 year old son seems to never have homework, and his grades often show it. ( A "D" is passing. I can't believe how my standards have dropped) 13 year old daughter has to be reminded and threatened frequently to do hers. She did make the B honor roll last quarter.
Their rooms are horrendous. What bothers me the most is the dirty clothes that just pile up on the floor and interfere with my ability to get the laundry done.
My taste in clothing is unacceptable to them. Enough said.
Oldest son likes to think of himself as a combination of hippie and hobo. His clothes reflect this desire. At least he is not materialistic!Daughter often wants to mimic her brother, even to the point of cutting the sleeves off her shirts. I have banned the practice of cutting any clothing at this point.
Now, before anyone starts to think that my kids are really terrible kids, I must say that they have hearts of gold, are honest most of the time, and can be really entertaining to be around.(Some of the time, anyway). Teenagers are really hard work a lot of the time, but I'm hoping that everything will smooth out as they mature.

**Darlene** · 01-24-2004, 07:24 PM

It does smooth out!!! I've been where you are!!!Just like in kindergarten...let's hold hands to get through what ever we need...together. They really do turn out to neato people who still drive you up the wall. It is a very good thing!

**baronmom** · 01-24-2004, 10:32 PM

Yes, I do believe that most teens are exactly like yours. At least mine is. He will only wear boots when he is out running around the yard in the snow. Last year he wouldn't wear boots, and actually went out running around in his sneakers. Claimed his feet were not cold. I have to kick him off the computer so that I can get on. He spends hours on it if I don't make him get off. I think that if they made a model that you could attach to the skin, he would be all for it. My son never seems to bring home the homework. He usually does it though when he does bring it home. As far as the room, mine is a neat freak. He is always running around putting my stuff away even if I don't want it away.
My son hates to go out in public with us. Although, if he wants clothes, he knows that he will have to be seen with me so he tolerates the situation.
My son is a jock. He wears the Abercrombie and Fitch, Aeropostle, and Hollister clothes. That is all he gets for Christmas because they cost so much. I do find a lot of them at consignment shops too thank god.

**Dixie** · 01-24-2004, 11:21 PM

I have four dsons ages 16-25. I have two teenagers at home now ages 16 and 19.
Luckily, they don't need snow boots, but a few times a year. My 19 year old loves to wear coats, ds age 16 insists he isn't cold , even in 25° weather.

My 19 yo is a self described computer geek. He's an artist and wants to earn his living that way. Ds age 16 is an "A" student, but still has virtually no homework. He is on the block schedule and does his homework in class. He loves all things related to science. I mean he *Loves* it! They both spend too much time playing video games. Sigh. That 's really my only complaint.
Today, my son turned 19. He asked his younger brother, his dad and I to go to the mall with him, so he could spend his b'day money. That made me feel like a million bucks!

Both of their rooms could use improvemet, but it's really not an issue with me. They're reasonably clean.
I got a little upset when a relative made a comment about my 19 yo's long hair and why I allowed it.

My two grown dsons were a different breed,lol. Oldest dson is artistic and loves music. He was a champion weight lifter in hs and also played football. He has been on two foreign mission trips with the church ( Trinidad and Ukraine) He is the doting father of a 15 month old and loving dh to his dwife.
When he was a teen, his room was a sty! He was ashamed to be seen with me, etc.
Ds #2 was athletic and and an all-star baseball player and quarterback of his football team in middle school. He is very intelligent, but never quite reached his potential as far as grades went. He shared a room with older bro, but he is a neat freak. He's married and a soon to be father.

He also went to the Ukraine twice on a Christian mission trip. I think he is most like me. (Except for the athletic part,lol)
All four of my dsons love the Lord and that is what is most important to me.

I have been immeasurably Blessed!

**pip** · 01-25-2004, 04:08 PM

Oh, yes, the long hair. I forgot about ds's long hair. He does shower every day and is clean and wears clean clothes every day, too. I guess I kind of like long hair on guys and his hair is pretty nice. It's just hair. As long as he's a quality guy on the inside, that's all that matters to me. Too bad the world will judge according to looks, though.

**Dixie** · 01-25-2004, 09:36 PM

I totally agree, Pip.

**Darlene** · 01-26-2004, 08:06 AM

Originally posted by pip
Oh, yes, the long hair. I forgot about ds's long hair. He does shower every day and is clean and wears clean clothes every day, too. I guess I kind of like long hair on guys and his hair is pretty nice. It's just hair. As long as he's a quality guy on the inside, that's all that matters to me. Too bad the world will judge according to looks, though.

I agree. My dd had a really close relationship with her grandmother until she started critisizing Nicole for wanting more than one piercing in each ear.(she has 3 now) Here Nicole thought her grandmother thought she was absolutly perfect in everyway but now found something "wrong" with her.

The outside packaging is little compared to the person with feelings inside.

**heavensent_7** · 01-26-2004, 06:31 PM

I have EVERY horrible age kid from screaming toddler tantrums to teenagers that only speak in URG language. Does that make me a saint or just stupid

LOL.

Nobody's gonna like my cool advice I'm sure (my mothering must suck LOL)

My kids (from 10 upwards) will only wear trainers - so be it, let them get cold and wet, they won't die, and if they suffer enough they 'might' change

My boys are addicted to computer games - it's their life, let them waste it, I wasted mine and nobody could tell me any different

My eldest (now 18) didn't EVER do his homework - he has a job and earns money, so it didn't do that much damage.
My second (16) missed 5 years of school (due to illness) it wrecked her education but there's more important things to stress over.
#3 (10) NEVER does his homework - he has to do detention EVERY week at school - hopefully soon it will sink in, he gets in his OWN way!

#4 (6) LOVES homework and when she runs out makes her own up!

#5 (3) I'm still waiting to find out LOL.

Too go in all but one of my kids rooms you need a tetnus injection LOL - It's their space, leave them to it - oh and they do grow out of it (experience based on ONE out of five that has ROFL)

My kids like going shopping with me

(sorry about that one)

My eldest two children like designer clothes now - but they both buy their own clothes. The others don't have a 'style' I can't afford them to, never have been able to, so that's that.

I guess I'm not gonna make mother of the year then LOL