help me brace myself

**Kimmomo3** · 04-05-2004, 06:17 PM

I have one brother, he is married and has 2 kids, 2yr. and 2mo. His wife has one sister. So I am expecting and hoping to be asked to be Godmother for the new baby. Her sister is Godmother for their son.
My brother is Godfather to all 3 of my kids and she is Godmother to the last 2 (she was not around for the 1st one)

Mom mom at dinner last night said plan for May 23rd Baptism. Granted we have not been ofically invited to the baptism but if they were going to ask us/me to be Godmother you would want to make sure we could make that day before planing it. Right?

That day also happens to be my DD b-day (she knows that cuz her DS's b-day is about 1 week before that and we ahve had them together)

So that leads me to believe we/I am not going to be asked to be the Godmother and that just hurts me and makes me mad.

So I am trying to not be hurt and mad and just wait and see if I am asked. But if I am not asked, I am really thinking of not changing our plans for my DD's b-day party, which is not set in stone yet but It could be if I want it to be. But that would most likley start a big thing but I am not the one who would be starting it. But I do know it is there choice of who gets to be Godparent but IT SHOULD BE ME!!!

I am Lutheran and my DH is Catholic, they are Lutheran so that is why I am not sure if they would want both of us to be the Godparents.

Any help? Give me some perspective or tell me I am right whatever I am really not sure about the whole thing.

It got kinda long and rambley hope you can understand it!?

**guest2** · 04-05-2004, 06:22 PM

Maybe they each thought the other had already talked to you about it?????

**Kimmomo3** · 04-05-2004, 07:06 PM

no, she or they do the talking, I seldom here just from my brother. He was never talkative.

We live only 10-15min away from each other also so it is not a long distance call or even a long trip.

**forestdale** · 04-05-2004, 07:41 PM

Hi Kim, I think you're right about them not asking you to be godmother. If they were going to ask you, they would have made sure you were available on the day they've chosen for the baptism.

I'm sorry you're hurt because of this. Maybe you should phone them, say that you've heard the the baptism will be on that day and ask who is going to be godmother/parents. Then you will know for sure.

Everyone has the right to ask whomever they choose and although you're feeling upset about not being asked, maybe you should just accept their choice. They might have asked a close friend. I am godmother to two girls I'm not related to.

I agree with you in that having your daughter's party on that same day would probably start a big family thing. Try to rise above this, Kim. Let them know you expected to be asked and that you're a bit hurt now, but then drop it. Focus on strengthening your family ties and you'll be the one who comes out on top.

**guest2** · 04-05-2004, 08:08 PM

Kim,
I'm so sorry about all of this. I also just realized that I missed the point that the baptism is scheduled for the same day as your daughter's 1st birthday. I think you should call SIL and remind her that is DD's 1st birthday and is a big event also for your family. Maybe they can plan the baptism for another day????
It does sound like they have asked someone else to be Godmother to this child. I'm sorry that it has hurt you so deeply.

**Kimmomo3** · 04-05-2004, 08:33 PM

Sorry, no, it is not my DD's 1st b-day it is my oldest daugters b-day (she will be 6)

The birthday part irks me cuz last year I changed the day of the party and then the time just to accomadate them and then they didn't show up any way.

So does any one have a way to help me not be hurt, or lessen the hurt?

I know they have the right to choose who they want, but why NOT me? Why aren't I good enough? I am good enought to ask parenting advice. I am good enough to babysit. (last minute a few times)

I am feeling dumped by a boyfriend, and right now I want to get even; even tho I know that will do nothing, but you always want to key the car of the boyfriend that dumped you. (at least I did)

**guest2** · 04-05-2004, 08:46 PM

So, let me see if I am getting this right. She is the Godmother to your DD who will be turning 6 and she still planned the baptism for that day???? Please call you BIL (men usually don't remember birthdays, but women do) and remind him that it is your DD's birthday and that you are very hurt that the baptism was planned for that day since they are your DD's God parents and that this is her special day and one that you hoped they would want to be a part of. If you feel you need to, you could also ask who the Godmother will be for their youngest child. It could be that your SIL has asked a close friend or another family member. Maybe they felt pressured by someone else on the Godmother issue and the date. You will never know unless you ask.

Praying that you get some peace of mind.

**Kimmomo3** · 04-05-2004, 10:57 PM

yep, you got it.

Also they don't plan on any more kids since they now have a boy and a girl(could change of course but...)

I am kind of waiting to talk about it with my brother cuz I still get that teary, cry voice when I talk about it and I don't want to do that.

**forestdale** · 04-06-2004, 12:48 AM

There is no reason why a child can't have two godmothers.

Tell your brother how much this means to you, but also remember that you don't get to automatically be a godmother to his kids because he is godfather to yours. You make it sound like a pay back and I'm sure you don't mean it to sound that way.

I hope you can find a solution that makes everyone happy and in the meantime, start planning a lovely birthday party for your daughter.

Good luck, Kim. Let us know what happens.

**Julia Kimber** · 04-06-2004, 04:24 AM

Hope this all works out as you want it to Kim!
Julia

**heavensent_7** · 04-06-2004, 07:24 AM

I really do feel for you.

My Brother and SIL asked my other brother to be Godfather to their first child and friends to be the other Godparents.

And for their second child they asked my other SIL who first SIL doesn't even get on with and never has

I was told by my MOTHER that the child was being christened in the first place

At the time I wasn't a Christian and wouldn't have accepted the 'job' anyway and even now I am, I don't personally believe in babies being baptised, so I still wouldn't do it, but they didn't know that and as crazy as it sounds I was still REALLY hurt that nobody even asked me.

Being Hurt by people doesn't have a 'solution' but I do feel for you and 'This too shall pass'

**missprimm** · 04-06-2004, 07:33 AM

I hope you can get speedy resolution to this.

**Katybird** · 04-06-2004, 10:24 AM

I hope that everything works out for you Kim.

**PrairieRose** · 04-06-2004, 02:50 PM

I don't have any advice Kim, I just hope it works out to where there aren't any long term hurt feelings.

**simplemom** · 04-06-2004, 09:17 PM

Oh Kim....

I know how you feel....My sister is Godmother of my 1st born son and now that she has 2 children...I was not asked even for the 2 nd...they asked my parents, who were pleased but in shock to learn this....I know deep down it's not my sister, but my bil who doesn't like me...it hurt me alot. I kept silent, she doesn't know but in my heart my little neice and nephew are cared with as much love I can give to them each time I see them....

I wish I could tell you what to do, but all I have is a hug.

I hope all this arranges for the best of everyone.