Our Current Family Situation (Long)

**dolphin** · 04-25-2004, 02:45 PM

Jesse (17) soon to be 18 in June, has been skipping school again. The Truant officer caught him driving away from school again on Wednesday. Seems he didn't attend all day Monday and managed to spend over $200.00 out of his account at Walmart and eating out. I asked him Tuesday night how school was Monday and he gave me a run down of what he did in every class. He was sitting in my living room, lieing to my face. Do I need to tell you how bad that hurts a Mom?

The Truant officer said if he misses (one) more class she will send him to court and request that the judge take his drivers license away until he is 18. So he would be without a car for about 2 months, which to him right now would seem like an eternity. She will allow him to stay in school only if he does not skip again. He stopped taking his ADHD med when we thought he had the aneurysm and he has refused to start taking it again. The Truant officer told him that he has to take his meds everyday and he is not to go off them again unless the doctor orders him to. This is the only way she will let him stay in school and not make him go to court right now cause she says he does not do these things when he is on his meds.

She talked about pushing him to quit and take Adult Education classes but she said there wouldn't be any help available for his learning disabilities. I told her that if he stays in school till he is 19 he will get about $10,000.00 from my disability benefits for being my dependent. He is only in 10th grade now due to his learning disabilities. So she laid down the law to him and gave him the warning about skipping classes and losing his license and losing all that money that would pay for his car insurance every month. (We couldn't afford it otherwise.)

Wait, there's more! He started dating a 17 yr. old girl about a month ago. He has already given her a promise ring and he says he loves her. He is spending all his school time and money with and on her. It gets better! This girl beat up a girl on the bus last year and had to go to jeuvenile jail for a while! She had to go to court 2 weeks ago and according to Jesse she was no longer in trouble. Yikes, another lie! She is still on probation and has to see her probation officer weekly and go to counseling for anger management. She is closely monitored by her Mom and her probation officer. She is not in regular school but is in the Pathways (Alternative School) so only has to attend 6 hours a week to graduate. Jesse can't get into this program until next year as there is a waiting list and the kids who commit crimes are at the top of the list.

The girlfriend and her Mom showed up at the Truant officers office Wednesday morning when Jesse was there. The head jeuvenile probation officer was there too. He really likes Jesse so he didn't have a problem with him, just with the girlfriend. Seems since she is in the Alternative Program, she is not allowed to step foot on the High School grounds. She was given a warning that if she violates this order, the Truant officer will file tresspassing charges against her.

Jesse and his girlfriend are to have NO contact what-so-ever during the school day per her probation officer. It is up to her Mom and us if they have contact at night or on the weekends.

The Truant officer said she does not like Jesse's girlfriend AT ALL. She could not and would not tell me why but she said things are much different than what her and Jesse are telling us. So I just don't know what is going on with her but I don't want this to turn into a Romeo and Juliet type relationship so we are facing a hard time ahead of us.

I have already transfered all but $25.00 out of his bank account and put it into our savings account so he can't get hold of it. He has even been going to the casino and getting money out of the ATM's and being charged $4 to $6.00 for every withdrawal! He has always been so sinceble about money even when he has had a lot to deal with but I guess he is giving it to or spending it on the girlfriend cause he spends alot at Walmart but doesn't bring anything home. I should have kept a closer watch on his account but....I believed him and he never had a problem before.

So this is some of what I've been dealing with over the last few weeks. For those of you who don't know, I lost my oldest son to suicide 6 years ago on Easter Sunday. April is hell for me so I've tried to just stay away from the boards as everything upsets me. Then this week, I got badgered into giving away the extra cemetary plots by my sons grave. I guess someone else wanted them really bad and I just couldn't deal with it now and I had to make a decision so I told them to just take them. So now I can't be buried by my son. Plus, I sent my Mom $60.00 to buy flowers for his grave for Easter and Memorial Day and she told me she just took an old harness flower arrangement and put some red carnations and white gardenias on it and it was real pretty. She had the flowers in her garage....What could I say. I just said thank you for taking care of it for me.

Dh had to go to the doctor again on Friday cause his meds aren't working. He takes med. for depression and he has been having aweful mood swings. We're hoping the increased med will help but he was on higher dose before and it led to him not wanting to be active at all.

I'm hanging on to my sanity, barely. I try to stay busy but there are just some things that you can't ignore. It has been hard to stay busy cause I'm in a lot of pain in my abdomen either from IBS or something wrong with my female parts. May have to go to the doctor if it doesn't go away by tomorrow morning. It's hard to even bend over.

We grounded him and took his car away for 10 days. We also told him no phone calls except one per day to his girlfriend untill Monday. It's really making him mad that he can't drive but I'm not sure that he is understanding why we did it.

We could sure use your prayers and good thoughts right now and any advice on how to wake up a teenage boy would be much appreciated.

**lucy979** · 04-25-2004, 02:50 PM

Gosh, I have no advice for you but wanted to send a big hug. I hope sure things calm down soon!

**guest2** · 04-25-2004, 02:52 PM

and

prayers. I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. My advice, if the truant officer is saying this girfriend is no good, believe her!!!! I used to work as a teacher at a juvenile detention center and we tried to give all the kids benefit of the doubt...but there were some that we would never trust because of what we knew.

**dolphin** · 04-25-2004, 02:59 PM

Thank you girls. We really need the hugs and prayers right now.

I am tempted to believe the Truant officer except for one thing. The girlfriend called me and apologized to me for not telling Jesse to go to school instead of spending time with her. She also told me that yes she does have a past but it is past and she has changed. She said her grades are really good and she is getting ready to apply for nursing school and she has a lot of goals and ambition. I thought that was a really gutsy thing for a teenage girl to do, kwim?

Also, ds loves her and is very defensive about her. Dh and I got married at about their age so I know they think they know it all right now and are having a hard time separating being a kid and being grown up.

**forestdale** · 04-25-2004, 03:37 PM

Hugs, Dolphin. You sure are one brave lady.

I have no real advice but if I were you I'd invite the girlfriend over and talk to her. She's is only one he's listening to at the moment, so if you can get her on your side and ask her to make sure he gets to school, that might help. Don't ask her if what the Truant Officer told you about her is true. You won't kow if she's telling you the truth, you want her to trust you and you just want her to help your son to do the right thing.

I'll be thinking of you and I hope things improve for you soon.

**AmyMCGS** · 04-25-2004, 03:39 PM

and prayers~ hang in there!

**gkp1031** · 04-25-2004, 03:43 PM

Sending lots of BIG hugs your way

**SewCrafty** · 04-25-2004, 05:43 PM

Big

**doodlebug** · 04-25-2004, 08:48 PM

and prayers

**dz_blonde_girl** · 04-25-2004, 09:46 PM

**Dixie** · 04-25-2004, 10:08 PM

I'm praying for you and your family.

**Julia Kimber** · 04-26-2004, 04:16 AM

Sorry to hear about all this trouble in your family, my prayers and thoughts are with you!

Julia

**AmyBoz** · 04-26-2004, 06:24 AM

You and your family are in my thoughts. Hang in there!

**Darlene** · 04-26-2004, 07:40 AM

Originally posted by forestdale
Hugs, Dolphin. You sure are one brave lady.

I have no real advice but if I were you I'd invite the girlfriend over and talk to her. She's is only one he's listening to at the moment, so if you can get her on your side and ask her to make sure he gets to school, that might help. Don't ask her if what the Truant Officer told you about her is true. You won't kow if she's telling you the truth, you want her to trust you and you just want her to help your son to do the right thing.

I'll be thinking of you and I hope things improve for you soon.

Smart lady that Bethany.

Wishing you all the best with this Carolyn and sending you a big big hug. Not easy stuff this parenting business.

**PrairieRose** · 04-26-2004, 08:40 AM

It's a lot to cope with Carolyn. Those broad shoulders have to carry huge weight at times....being both wife and mom and human to boot. I don't have any advice except to try to take it one day at a time......