Sometimes yes... I hate that guilty feeling and I know I shouldn't feel guilty because my children are very lucky to my eyes and we give them the best we can and for us, the best is our time and love. We also do our best to let them feel they have as much as their friends, but that is very difficult, especially that we live in an area that we are surrounded with many, many families with money and big houses and the kids have *everything*---BUT, I tell my boys...we don't know if all they have is paid for AND my question to them is also---Are their parents as available as we have been since their birth?---I remind them that they never went to any childcare in their whole life, they never went to childcare after school until 6 pm like many of their friends have been doing all their lives, they have never spent each summers in the hot and filled college, near our home, in summer camp (disguised childcare for kids)....so sometimes they do *realize* BUT not always and that makes me sad when they feel they have less than others....
I feel lucky to live the life we have. It's true we have a simple life, but we are always there for our boys. When I get the guilty feeling, I think about all this, to try to feel proud of what we do for my family.
Are there days when I wished I had an unlimited supply of money? YES! I wish I had an unlimited supply of energy, too. I DO get testy because I can't have everything I want NOW. I DO wish I could take more vacations, more exciting vacations, and remodel the whole house. But "guilt", no. I don't feel guilt. We're doing what's important. We're living according to our values and priorities. We're doing our best with the resources we have. We're giving out 2.5-yr old the best life we can. And frankly, it's a pretty good life. Hugs are free.
This past Christmas was our first since I quit working full-time, and our gifts to others were significantly smaller than in past years. (We tended to go all-out for Christmas when we were DINKs.) I told everyone ahead of time that we had really cut down on gifts, but, still, I felt guilty giving smaller gifts than usual.
I also have a hard time explaining to family members (RUDE family members, but that's another rant!) how we can afford to build a house, but we wouldn't spend $$ on other things... like vacations. They seem to think that if we can build a house we must be floating in money- I wish!! The reason we can build this house is that we have worked and saved, and we are being very frugal with everything else in our lives in order to do this.
__________________ ~~ Amy ~~ Wife to DH ~
Mom to: DD, age 6 and DS, age 3
No, I don't. People's reactions bug me, though. Like trying to explain to my Mom that dh isn't being forgetful..we agreed not to get each other gifts, etc.
As with Amy, people don't get why we pinch every penny, but just bought a new home. It's BECAUSE of the penny pinching that we were able to do so!
I do not feel guilty. I feel life is to short to feel bad over stuff. MJ however tries to live like his family, in which the lowest paid members make 3xs what we are at present. Since I am in charge of most gift giving, even though he grumbles they get nice but frugal gifts.
Even our frugal ways are more than most of my kids friends receive-- so they feel blessed.
A couple years ago we found out AFTER Christmas that my oldest son's best friend and his brothers received NOTHING for Christmas as their mom was single and trying to raise 4 teenage boys. So we purchased a couple of video games, a couple VHS movies, some candy and stuff and took it to them before school resumed. That way they could tell others what they got for Christmas after all.
We make frugality fun-- even at gift giving functions. Things like the kids pick an outrageous gift request for Christmas and dh and I try to figure out a funny way to full fill that request. One kid asked for a million dollars. We filled his stocking with pennies and a note claiming it was the first installment. One asked for their own room--- we put burlap sacks on the floor of the hayloft, a ratty hammock, Ricky Martin posters (he HATES Ricky) and told him there was his room!
I love the way you think Denise !!!!!!!
I like to think that because of our frugal ways we can offer them more.........
__________________
Lori......
"Plant a new Truffula. Treat it with care.
Give it clean water. And feed it fresh air.
Grow a forest. Protect it from axes that hack.
Then the Lorax and all his friends may come back."
Crazed Crafter
The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness.
- John Muir
Wife to Tom.....
Mother to:
Christopher (32) Passed away 08/08/2004
Adam 35
Brian 27
Kelly 16
Jeff 11
Sometimes I do feel guilty, I know I shouldn't but the guilt does creep in from time to time. My husband lost his job a little over a year ago; the company he worked for closed the factory and moved it to Mexico. We are doing okay, he is going to school and we are comfortable but, I don’t like to spend any more money than I have to. My boys who are grown understand and they are great about what they get for Christmas and birthdays. Last Christmas everyone got a little something I had bought and then several homemade gifts, I think they were happier with the homemade things, and that makes me feel much better. I tired to raise them with the idea that a gift given from the heart and the hands is usually more appreciated than a store bought gift. It must have worked because I notice them making more and more of the gifts they give. The one area where I have trouble controlling myself is my granddaughter!
I don't feel guilty at all. Mike and I are saving for a house so we have to be frugal. But, when holidays/birthdays roll around, his side of the family always asks us for the expensive gifts. I told his SIL that we are watching our money and gently pointed out that if she would cut back on some unnecessary items they would be able to afford the large gifts for HER daughters--that didn't go over well at all!
Hey Farmlady-- I just noticed your avatar! It looks a lot like mine, only without the rainbow. Mine is taken of the view off my back porch--- did you take yours?
DH and I don't feel guilty. We don't have kids though, so I can't say anything about that. I make everything that we give out for Christmas. Preserves, chutney, candies, etc. Everyone seems to like that sort of thing. But this year my parents went on the Atkins diet. Not that it's bad, but what do I give them now?
It used to but not so much anymore. It does creep in sometime like Farmlady said but the rewards are far greater than paying for months on a gift that will be forgotten in less than that!
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Does being frugal by force, cause you....
I hate that guilty feeling and I know I shouldn't feel guilty because my children are very lucky to my eyes and we give them the best we can and for us, the best is our time and love. We also do our best to let them feel they have as much as their friends, but that is very difficult, especially that we live in an area that we are surrounded with many, many families with money and big houses and the kids have *everything*---BUT, I tell my boys...we don't know if all they have is paid for AND my question to them is also---Are their parents as available as we have been since their birth?---I remind them that they never went to any childcare in their whole life, they never went to childcare after school until 6 pm like many of their friends have been doing all their lives, they have never spent each summers in the hot and filled college, near our home, in summer camp (disguised childcare for kids)....so sometimes they do *realize* BUT not always and that makes me sad when they feel they have less than others....
2/14/01
9/23/92
1/25/02
4/25/03
The reason we can build this house is that we have worked and saved, and we are being very frugal with everything else in our lives in order to do this.
~~ Wife to DH 
~
and DS, age 3 
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