4 year old is out of control (long )

**Jerseygirl** · 06-02-2004, 08:26 PM

Jimmy is 4 and has been with us since November. When he chooses, he is cute and charming, 90% of the time he is mean, manipulative, destructive. I can't get him toilet trained on the overnight because each time I wake him to go to the toilet he throws a tantrum and wakes the entire house. He blows his nose everywhere, has darted out into the street, every day he throws a tantrum lasting a minimum of 20 minutes--this weekend he had 4-5 per day. He only eats meats, pasta and junk food, sometimes white rice. Since he does not get junk food here, his diet is even more limited. His mom is bipolar, dad died just before he got here.
I have had Jimmy seen by his pediatrician-no answers, I have him in therapy-Attention seeking behaviors they say, I know that, he is getting 2/3 of the attention already in my house.
I can't deal with it anymore. He disrupts dinner everynight, conversation is nonexistant because he torments the 5 year old. Tonight he was asked to leave the table 1/2 way through because he wouldn't leave her alone and was making a mess. Then I bathed him, put him to bed, all the kids are in their beds, there is a crash in his room, I go in to find toys everywhere, the baby is sound asleep in her crib. He starts screaming at me and throwing a fit. I tell him to go to time out, he tells me no, I put him in time out, he kicks me, I stand him against the wall, he throws himself on the floor, I ignore, he starts spitting and blowing snot all over,I ignore until he starts to smear it all over himself and my beige walls I took his favorite pajama top off and made him use it to clean up. His screaming continued for another 45 minutes. This is not rare. I have never sent a child out of the house before the courts gave them back, but I left a messagwe for his caseworker telling him it is time for him to move. It's killing me to give up, but he is destroying our home and making any sort of family life impossible. Any ideas, thoughts, suggestions??

**Missy** · 06-02-2004, 08:42 PM

I have never been in your shoes, so I am unsure how much what I think will make a difference. I think you are doing the right thing. It is a strong person who knows where to turn when one has reached their limits. I think you are totally doing the right thing.

**canadian gardener** · 06-02-2004, 08:51 PM

You have to protect the other kids too. Is this possibly one way to help the caseworkers see that maybe there is a problem that needs more than just a calm consistant caring home with normal limits/food/sleep etc.

I have heard of little kids with serious psychiatric disorders, and if there is a family history plus some aggravating factors he could need some more specialized care.

Letting it continue as the paediatrician is willing to, is not an answer. Something needs doing, and till the caseworker and the dr see how serious it is, it's unlikely they will pay enough attention to what you are saying.

**slowtypinwoman** · 06-02-2004, 08:51 PM

**frugalmel** · 06-02-2004, 10:04 PM

This must be really hard for you, but you have to do whats right for all the children.

again

**SewCrafty** · 06-03-2004, 07:32 AM

Kellie, I don't have any suggestions but it sounds like a good idea to me.

**paelthom** · 06-03-2004, 09:23 AM

Kellie,
You are the mom in the house and you know what's best for everybody. This little boy is destroying your family and the other children deserve better than that. I think you are doing what's right even though it's a hard decision to make. Sending you hugs and prayers.

**dz_blonde_girl** · 06-03-2004, 10:57 AM

Oh Kellie

that's terrible. Sounds to me like the boy needs a psychiatrist and maybe a different therapist. We have "Child Centered Family Counseling" through the DHS. It's free and they come to your home. I know you'll make the right decision.

**lucy979** · 06-03-2004, 10:57 AM

No advice here. Just sending lots of

**Darlene** · 06-03-2004, 12:23 PM

Originally posted by mrsengeseth
I have never been in your shoes, so I am unsure how much what I think will make a difference. I think you are doing the right thing. It is a strong person who knows where to turn when one has reached their limits. I think you are totally doing the right thing.

I agree and please add my hug to the list Kellie.

**writtenonmybody** · 06-05-2004, 11:55 PM

I'm sorry to hear of this situation. But just as every other child he deserves love and sometimes its hard to handle when you have to watch for the well being of him and other children.

Personally it sounds like he needs to be in different therapy and the one he's in is not working for him. and if a child is passed from home to home how could he not want attention from someone anyone regardless if it's good or bad. I feel for this child. I think he has way more problems than just wanting attention!

Do what is best for you and your family but also, please brainstorm, ask professionals for ideas and help and see what you can do before you make any decisions.

If you need someone to vent to, someone to help you brain storm, someone to help you find resources in your area let me know. I will help with what I can!

Sending tons of hugs your way.

**Katybird** · 06-06-2004, 02:54 PM

Kellie, I don't have any advice but I wanted to send

and let you know you are in my prayers and thoughts.

**dz_blonde_girl** · 06-06-2004, 03:47 PM

How's it going?

**Jerseygirl** · 06-07-2004, 11:51 AM

He is still here, we are trying to get a neurologist to look at him. We had an incredibly busy weekend, so having lots of people involved helped to keep him occupied-only 3-4 incidents instead of 3-4 daily. Taking it day by day. Thanks for all the support ladies.

**PrairieRose** · 06-08-2004, 07:41 AM

Kellie, I know this must be so difficult. Poor little fella, must have lots of issues. I think like the other ladies have said you have to do what's best for everyone.