"Mom" Job Description!

**Guest1** · 07-03-2004, 06:56 PM

Katie just emailed this to me (yes, emailed - we call each other on our cell phones from room to room too!) and I thought it was soooo cute!!

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MOM - Job Description

If it had been presented this way, maybe we would have reconsidered
having kids! (Ha, I do not think so!)!!!!

POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momme, Madre, Mamasita

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent
work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must
possess excellent communication and organizational skills
and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not
reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule.
Musty be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position
for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately
surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on
a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially
independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and then wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal
growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.