Please help...how do I tell my ds??

**Chea** · 08-04-2004, 07:09 PM

I got a disturbing call right before I left work today. My ds's father died. I don't know how what or why. He was for the most part a dead-beat dad, in and out of jail, messed up on drugs I'm certain. My ds saw him maybe a few times a year if at all when he "cleaned up".

I'm heart-broken for my ds. I know this will crush him. He's such a sweet sensitive boy. He's going to be 12 and any advice is much needed. I decided it wasn't the time to break it to him so I'm waiting til I find out when the funeral is but I know the clock is ticking.

**dmvezina** · 08-04-2004, 07:14 PM

That's a tough one!!

I would just sit him down & calmly tell him the truth.
You got a phone call and there's something you need to tell him.

I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers for both you needing the courage and for your son to cope with it!!

**Mom23boys** · 08-04-2004, 07:18 PM

I am sorry for your son's loss. I don't know what I would say as I am sure it will be difficult in whatever words you choose. I will be praying for you to find the right words and for the comfort of your son.

**guest2** · 08-04-2004, 07:21 PM

My prayers are with you and your son. I think Dawn has given you some great advice on how to handle it.

**KKCondrey** · 08-04-2004, 07:24 PM

I know that your son will be heartbroken, and there is no easy way except to be honest with him. Just sit him down and I'm sure the right words will come to you. Then let him know that you and your DH are there for him.

I'll keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.

**Darlene** · 08-04-2004, 08:27 PM

I'm sorry you have to do this but I agree with the other ladies that just sitting him down & telling him that you have to talk to him about something important is the way to go. He's going to probably be filled with what could or might have been stuff. Even tho he hasn't had much to do with his dad he still probably has daydreams about his dad and wondered what things could have been like. No offense to you and your sweetie, just the way kids are. (been there)
It's a loss he's going to have to deal with and glad he's got you & your sweetie to listen to him and hug him if he'll let you.

Take it as it comes & I'll be thinking of you.

**Jerseygirl** · 08-04-2004, 08:40 PM

thinking about both of you--this really is a tough one.

**slowtypinwoman** · 08-04-2004, 08:52 PM

So sorry to hear this sad news for your son. No advice just prayers and hugs.

**Michelle** · 08-04-2004, 08:53 PM

**dolphin** · 08-04-2004, 09:02 PM

I'm so sorry he lost his father and I will pray that you will find the right words to comfort him.

You never know how they will take it at that age. Be prepared for his emotions and have lots of family around him to hug him and love him.

If he goes to Sunday School and loves his teacher, it might help to also have him/her there or atleast come by to see him.

Keeping him and you all in my prayers.

**Dixie** · 08-04-2004, 09:12 PM

I agree with Dolphin. If you could get a Sunday School teacher or member of the clergy to be there,(when you break the news) it might help both of you. I know this is very difficult.

**Chea** · 08-05-2004, 03:17 AM

Thank you all so much for the kind words. I've had a bit of time to process it. Its all so surreal even still!

I know he'll be so upset. I know kids tend to idolize the absent parent and he's no exception. I'm just not sure what to say if he shrugs and wants to go see his friends like usual. Do I make him stay home?? Do I expect it to boil over later? Guess time will tell! I'm nervous for the morning to come!! Its 3am now and I just got off work.