Fam Cir report - Its not really sex

**kimmee** · 09-24-2004, 07:25 PM

I gave this too aimee to read because two of her friends have told me they have already engaged in this "non-sex" activity (oral sex - the new kissing) I don't know if this article ison the family Circle website - it is very interesting (by Deborah A. Wilburn) - any way we live in a very tiny town (last graduating class was 16) and suddenly sex is all these kids talk about in Middle School - no bodies mom is home by day. I am so scared that the girls will be pressured into this stuff cuz their is no one home with thenm . The two girls who "did it" said they wanted to cuz they were good at it and it made them feel loved. I know from all my years in counseling that daddy makes up for 80% of a girls self esteem, I know that these two girls come from broken homes as does Aimee. I try to talk on the level with her so she doesn't replace missing feelings with "conjured up or imagined" feelings and subsequently "entertains" to keep these feelings. But she just throws this stuff back in my face and says why would you give this to me to read (after just telling me that some boy said he wanted to put his hand up her shirt) I don't know what I am doing wrong in my attempts to talk to her - I know that if my mom had ever talked to me about anything I would have died but I was different - I raised myself basically and I moved out at almost 14. I am unsure how to connect - some "thing" protected me when I was young - I don't know what it was but I didn't get into trouble. I don't think I see Aimee making the same sort of analysis that I did. How would you approach this??

**AmyMCGS** · 09-24-2004, 09:51 PM

I don't really have any advice... just wanted to offer a hug. It seems to me that you are doing the right thing by trying to talk about it with her. She's acting like she doesn't want to talk with you... of course, she has to, you can't talk to your mom and be cool you know

....but I'd bet that some of it is sinking in. I'd just keep talking & pray that she makes good decisions.

**BlessedMommy** · 09-24-2004, 10:11 PM

I don't have kids this age yet, but when my niece was just hitting puberty, my sil took her away for a mom and daughter get-away. They spent Friday night just doing girl bonding stuff -- window shopping, manicures, hotel hot tub, etc. Just relaxing together and building their relationship. After breakfast the next morning my sil had a "birds & bees," "what's appropriate-what's not talk" with her dd. Sil left lots of time for her dd to think about it and ask any questions. They spent the end of the day relaxing again. The daughter felt very special because she had some one-on-one time with mom without competing with her siblings and it gave them plenty of time to communicate together.
I plan to do the same type of thing when my dd gets older. Some really nice hotel deals can be gotten using priceline.com, and child care for other kids could be a swap with a friend.

**canadian gardener** · 09-25-2004, 10:00 PM

At that age my dd was easily embarrassed so she hid it by being cool and offhand to mum.

I think it's normal for them to kind of tell mum off for even bringing it up, it's a way of saying, I'm so cool, I don't need this!

But meanwhile they are really glad, and actually listening.

You are a good mum Kimmee!

**simplemom** · 09-26-2004, 08:37 AM

Originally posted by AmyMCGS
I don't really have any advice... just wanted to offer a hug. It seems to me that you are doing the right thing by trying to talk about it with her. She's acting like she doesn't want to talk with you... of course, she has to, you can't talk to your mom and be cool you know ....but I'd bet that some of it is sinking in. I'd just keep talking & pray that she makes good decisions.