So I am ticked and I'm not sure if its right...

**kimmee** · 10-07-2004, 05:18 PM

For me to be so upset. I told you all that Aimee gets to "work" for Grandma for huge overcompensation!! Well - last weekend Aimee was supposed to work for Grandma but they were out of town. So today a letter show up for Aimee with $200 in cash and the notes says I'll just pay you in advance so you can get some new jeans. My issues are:

I just bought all the kids clothes last weekend - I spent $160 on Aimee alone cuz she said she needed new jeans - and I bought the boys some new stuff too. This is on top of spending the entire child support check ($1000) on school clothes and shoes right before school started.
next, Aimee will never work that off and she is learning to just expect money from grandma like her dad always do - at least before she was actually working (and I use the term very lightly) for the money.
thirdly, what about Damon and Ryan ??? She always says well Aimee is the first grand child - so?? she is still one of three and I never treat one differently then the rest. Grandma knows what an issue I have with this treating unfairly - we have had a longstanding disagreement because I wouldn't have an abortion when I was pregnant with Damon cuz it would ruin Bob's (HER son) life and then when Damon was born and looked just like my brother with red hair and green eyes she freaked!! She has treated him differently since the beginning.

I would like to take the money and send it back and say no thank you - we have plenty - but Aimee is supposedly earning this and it probably shouldn't be any of my business. I don't know if I should give Damon & Ryan some - and that would really hurt right now with all I have just spent. I just don't know what to do - what would be right???

Any ideas??

**Guest1** · 10-07-2004, 05:28 PM

No advice - just a hug -

- and sympathy....

We have 4 kiddos & one has been & always will be on the receiving end of any & everything even though the other three might be in want....

Sorry this seems to be the dysfunctional norm now-a-days....

**Missy** · 10-07-2004, 05:41 PM

could you take the money and start her a savings account maybe?

**forestdale** · 10-07-2004, 06:24 PM

Of course it's your business, Amiee is your daughter! Don't be like so many other mothers who take the easy way out and give all sorts of excuses for it. Being a good mother is a tough job and sometimes you make unpopular decisions, but you make the decisions with your values and the good of all your kids in mind.

Send it back. You've already bought Aimee's jeans, you say yourself she'll never work it off and it's unfair on your other children. And I reiterate what I said in your last post about Aimee "working" for her grandmother. Help her get a job and earn the money she wants for her clothes, because as she gets older, she'll want more expensive stuff and she should help pay for it.

This is what I did with my sons, even though we could afford for them to have whatever they wanted. My boys are 23 and 24 now and they have a very heathy attitude to money and an excellent work ethic.

**Goodwin17** · 10-07-2004, 08:06 PM

I'm not sure what is totally right here. I would be PO'ed too!! How dare that grandmother treat her other two grandchildren that way! I would be hard pressed to let her have all that money. I just don't know. Many

for you though. It's a tough situation!

**pita1213** · 10-07-2004, 08:08 PM

if you can't send it back, and that would be my first suggestion mailing it back with a letter saying thank you but she has her clothes and she needs to earn the money before being paid, but if you can't, put it in the bank for her. if she doesn't already have a savings account(though i think you said before they have at least accounts for college) take that money and start one for her.

it might also be a good time for her to start putting away some of the money she "earns" from grandma into a savings account. i can't remember if you said something about that already before or not. so if she already does that, ignore this last bit

**dolphin** · 10-07-2004, 08:13 PM

I would put it in a saving account for your daughter. It's a shame grandma doesn't treat them all the same. I have the same issues with this and figured out after 28 years that it's never going to change. You are the Mom so you don't have to feel obligated to give it to her right now since you already bought the clothes. Just my opinion.

**guest2** · 10-07-2004, 09:21 PM

What a tough situation, especially since Grandma favors Aimee above the other 2 (not very nice of Grandma at all!). I'd try to send it back also and if Grandma ahs a problem with it, bank it for Aimee's future.

**wantsabug** · 10-07-2004, 10:13 PM

I don't know how old Aimee is. If she is a teenager she probably needs more money for school activity's but Grandma should find jobs for the other kids, and treat them equally.Some people are like this though. My MIL has bought many things for other Grand kids (expensive) and my kids have had their Christmas gifts even lost or forgotten. She did not buy my DH anything for his birthday one year and bought his younger brother a brand new suit. I told her about it and next thing I knew she bought my dh the ugliest coat I have ever seen. It went to Goodwill. I have just decided if she can live with herself I can too. Just be glad Aimee is on the receiving and and tell her she has to share with the others

**Milhos** · 10-07-2004, 10:26 PM

Originally posted by kimmee
I'll just pay you in advance so you can get some

... insurance for your first car. Into an account it goes. Minus maybe $10. That you can give her AFTER she completes the job. If grandma asks if she got new jeans she just says "yes" because she did, in fact, get new jeans.
This is a good opportunity to teach her how to be strong about good values despite bad influences and easy fixes. Practice for those smoking/drinking/smooching parties coming in a couple of years

. I think she could probably afford to take her brothers out for ice cream after school tomorrow? Si?

Poor granny. Thinks the only way her grandkids will want anything to do with her is if she pays them. How sad.

**kimmee** · 10-07-2004, 11:43 PM

You know - aimee thought of splitting it with Damon and Ryan all on her own - She was holding a $30. gift certificate for Target that she earned from CSAPS for getting over the 100th percentile and all the joy and excitement and pride from that was stripped away by getting all that money from Grandma for nothing. We decided that the kids would use it to buy christmas gifts for their dad and his new wife and child. THat way they are still using it for someone else and its a group effort. Grandma will never know the difference and I continue being a weekling who never stands up to that woman because of her wrath and her son's!!

**forestdale** · 10-08-2004, 12:05 AM

You know you're stronger than that. I wish I could be there to talk to you and help you deal with this person in a decent manner that treats you all with respect and equality. She's got you bamboozled. If you want to PM me, I'd be happy to write some more lines about it. But in the meantime, don't beat yourself up about it and just do what you think is right.