Thoughts on Bed Sharing

**paelthom** · 01-18-2005, 02:13 PM

I'm going out on a limb here but I'd like your thoughts.

First of all, SO and I do not sleep together. He has Chronic Pain Syndrome and can't stand anyone sleeping in his bed. Therefore I have a nice big bed all to myself - except for when dd is unhappy. She has always climbed into my bed when she was sick or unhappy and she still does. She is 11 and I guess I'm worried about whether she will grow up, go to college and never get any sleep. She's never been a sound sleeper and she is a super sensitive child who is easily bothered by stuff. Nighttime is her time to talk it out, usually while she falls asleep in my bed. Half of the time, I get up in the middle of the night and go sleep in her bed for the rest of the night and she doesn't notice. I've tried laying down with her in her room but that doesn't seem to work for some reason. She is adament that we don't let anyone know that she sleeps with mom sometimes (but I think villagers will understand). So what do you think?

**sherrykay** · 01-18-2005, 03:11 PM

I understand completely what you are saying here! LOL My daughter is 4 1/2 and still sleeps with me, and then there is my son,,,,he is almost 9 yrs old and has his dad sleep with him every night. See when they were babies we couldn't get close enough to them, now they expect us to keep sleeping with them. uggggg Oh well they are only kids once right? And soon they won't even want us to come in their rooms let alone want us to sleep with them!!!

So I say enjoy snuggling with them as much as you can, while you can that is!!! And your dd talking to you will soon come to an end too,,,,you know teens don't want to talk to their old parents! LOL

**paelthom** · 01-18-2005, 03:14 PM

Sherrykay, that's exactly what I think but I was afraid that it was just me. I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one. She's already having lots of episodes during the day when she is in her room with the door shut and I'm not invited in. I feel like what little bit she shares with me at night during our pre-sleep chat is precious.

**sherrykay** · 01-18-2005, 03:18 PM

Yes it is precious to have such a tight bond with your child, at least she knows where to come to when she really needs to vent! Always keep the lines of communication open with her! Teens need to feel they can takl to their parents in this day and age let me tell you!!!! They have it alot harder than we did when we were in school.

**Missy** · 01-18-2005, 03:55 PM

i don't see anything wrong with a child feeling safe and protected by their parent(s). some kids have their safety time when they can express their fears, feelings at the dinner table, some snuggling with mom/dad ,some, any other time of the day. Our kids stay young for such a short time. Soon enough they will be grown and worldly. Sigh.Enjoy this time, treasure it.

**AmyBoz** · 01-18-2005, 08:37 PM

Our policy from day one was that the kids sleep in their own beds in their own rooms. We didn't even have a bassinette in our room when we brought them home from the hospital. They went right to the crib in the nursery.

HOWEVER...when Julia calls in the night, I go into her room and snuggle in her bed with her. It's not every night, but when it happens, I go. Sometimes I stay awake and come back to my room while she's awake. Sometimes I fall asleep with her and stay there until I get up around 4. We don't let her come into our room, but we are more than happy to go snuggle with her if she needs us.

As Missy said, no problem with letting them feel safe and secure and reminding them that Mom and Dad are there for them. It's how you help to build self-esteem in a little one. And, as an 8th grade teacher, Pat, I gotta reiterate the thought that soon enough she won't be able to get far enough away from you. Hold that little girl for as long as she'll let you!

**homesteadmamma** · 01-18-2005, 09:47 PM

Amy said:

As Missy said, no problem with letting them feel safe and secure and reminding them that Mom and Dad are there for them. It's how you help to build self-esteem in a little one. And, as an 8th grade teacher, Pat, I gotta reiterate the thought that soon enough she won't be able to get far enough away from you. Hold that little girl for as long as she'll let you!

I totally agree with Amy.