Anyone else the "other" parent?

**MicheleMomof3** · 05-22-2002, 12:44 AM

I have a son from a previous relationship who is 10 yo. He stays with us on the weekends & some time during the week. He stays alot more with his Dad cause I made a personal decsion that he needed his father. Not that he didnt need me, but that he needed a man 's guidance. (That came after I potty trained him to use th epotty sitting down and refered to his undies as panties lol I didnt want him to be a momma's boy). Recently my son has taken to not wanting to do family things with us. It has hurt my feelings to no end. His father (who is single with no other children) tells me not to take it personally, how is that possible?? His father & I had a heated discuss tonight aboutmy son spending more time with us. He wont allow it. AndI can understand his point, I mean why should he sarcafice his time just cause my son doesnt like me? As you can all probably tell Im just a wreck. I feel like my son loves me but doesnt like me. I feel like the worlds worst parent since his father says Im to blame, said I expect too much from him as far family interaction. I mean is it too much to ask that he eat dinner with us??? Im hoping Im not alone in all this. I just cant imagine living the rest of my life bawling my eyes out every night, someone tell me he will get over this??
~Michele~

**TAMA-TOE** · 05-22-2002, 03:52 AM

Awww don't cry it is all going to be ok....Here's my experence
My dd boy did we bond like crazy for up until she was 7 or 8 it started with little things like she didn't want me to put bows in her hair for school anymore, she could do things that I always just did for her now. I felt her pull away from me and for some reason I understood, it was her becoming independant. She finally got over the stage now that she is just a few months shy of 12 and she sees that she needs me not only as a Mom but as a friend and confindant. It (life) is good again.
My ds well good grief I don't think they cut the cord on him until he was 3 yrs. He wouldn't even let his father & my dh hold him if I was around he was like a leach. Now it seems esp since turning 7 that he is pulling away from me. Boy does it bother me because he is my last child (we made sure of that). It is very difficult because now instead of a goodnight hug and kiss he leans to me for me to hug him and no more little lip kissies I get the cheek. The things we do now that use to make us bond are different, no more singing Old Mc Donald or the ABC song anymore his interest are PS2, riding his bike and aggrivating his sister till I am in tears. It saddens me so to see him, for to me he is still so small and just a little boy. But he often tells me he is a big boy now and can do things for himself. We wind up fighting sometimes because of this again it is so hard for me to let this one go on to be independant. First he is my last, second I think there is a Huge strong bond for a Mother to her Son...like Daddy's gir....it is Mother's boy. Sorry to make this so long but I can really understand where you are coming from.
I don't think it is unreasonable for him to HAVE to sit and eat dinner with you and as a matter of fact it is a proven family bonding experince that I would make him be a part of. As for the rest he's growing up unfortunately and the older he gets the more he is going to have in common with his father and less in common with you. Hang in there he knows how much you love him and I promise you if something happen to your relationship he would miss you. Dad is now his friend and you are now a parent.
Chin up good luck.

**MicheleMomof3** · 05-22-2002, 11:19 AM

Goodness,
Im in tears again LOL Here I thought there wasnt something wrong with him and your right....he is just growing up. When you described your son, it sounded like mine. No more hugs or kisses, aggravates his sisters until we are in tears. More interested in his bike and boy scouts than any of us. And of course his Dad who is a guy gets all the good time in my mind.
I have never been good about letting go of anyone in my life. So now I know why Im struggling with this so hard. Thank you for your post, it was just what I needed to hear. No matter how much I didnt want to hear it lol
A long time ago when I had him my Granny said to me "Motherhood is the only job you work yourself out of". Now I know what she means. I guess I was just wanting my little boy not to grow up. And I wanted to be the "friend" but you are right. His father has that role now and I have the role of the mean ol parent lol
Thank you so much for responding and taking the time to talk to a batty crying mommy lol
~Michele~

**Jerseygirl** · 05-22-2002, 04:59 PM

I don't think I spoke to my parents from age 9-19 don't take it personally.

**MicheleMomof3** · 05-27-2002, 02:32 PM

LOL JerseyGirl

After much reflection Ive decided he is normal, Im just an attached mommy. Its hard for me since he and I were alone with each other for almost 6 years. Just him & me. I got remarried, had more kids (which he has always adored since they are girls, no feelings of being left out on his side). And in that time Ive realized I was so busy with having a family that I didnt see he was growing up ....fast. Not that we didnt have time for him...I think you know what I mean. Its one those things that one day he is 4 and wanting you to hold him then the it seems like the next day he is 10 and not wanting to even sit next to you LOL time flies.
I guess I never thought of this part of parenting before. Goodness knows its a really hard part *sigh*. Thanks ladies, I needed y'alls advice.
~Michele~