MIL problem..kind of a rant too...

**dhmunoz** · 03-21-2005, 07:52 AM

Hi everyone

I am so angry with my MIL right now. Can someone see this from a fresh perspective?

Apparently, this weekend both MIL and SIL talked on the phone with my son. Either DH or I used to listen in on the other phone most times, but our other phone died so this call was not monitored. Just the fact that we feel that phone calls from them need to be monitored should tell you something. My son is six years old--I have 4 other kids but MIL has no interest in any of the others. Her own grandchildren.

My son later told us that MIL said that I need to find a new husband so that SHE can have him (my son!) because I am "not a good mommy" for not giving him to her. The SIL gets on the phone and tells him that his grandpa is sick and will DIE if he doesn't come to live with MIL. What kind of sick, twisted, totally insane people say these kinds of things to a SIX YEAR OLD??? He relayed the entire conversation to DH who was horrified but he is unsure how to broach the situation (DH is extremely unconfrontational). He is planning on calling them today and speaking to them but has said that he is not too sure what to say and that his instinct is to just never call them again for a very long time.

I have ALWAYS been nice to MIL and SIL and they have always been nasty with me. DH has 4 sisters and 1 brother. The other 3 sisters are very nice and his brother is nice too. DH's dad is an angel. I guess my only consolation--if you can call it that--is that they are not just nasty to ME, they are like that to EVERYONE! I have never heard either one of them say a nice thing about anyone. MIL owns a hair salon and will be so sweet to people when they come in, and as soon as they leave both she and SIL will immediately tear the person apart behind their back. Personally I don't care about that so much as I DO NOT want my son to have any contact with this.

They send my son fancy cards with stickers all over them, filled with money, constantly throughout the year. Never a single letter or card for the other kids. They are so completely horrid as to send him a card with money on one of the OTHER kids birthdays.

They live in California, and we live in Nebraska. For that I am also thankful.

What (if anything) should I do? To be honest, the first thing that comes to my mind is to knock the carp out of both of them for what they do to my kids. But...distance makes that hard LOL plus I was not raised to be that way. I strongly feel that I have to do something, but WHAT???

*still fuming here* Thank you for being an ear to my rant

**Darlene** · 03-21-2005, 08:25 AM

If G'ma & Sil can't play nice with all of your children they can't play nice with any. Your husband needs to let them know in no uncertain terms that this will no longer be tolerated. It has to come from him, that is his Mom and sis and these are his kids who need to be protected from this abuse and that's just what it is. Better to have no Grandmother in their lives than one who lets some grandkids think they are somehow inferior and emotionally blackmails another. It needs to stop now.
He's not doing anything to her, he's doing somethingfor his kids. They need him.
If Dh won't/can't step up to the plate, you'll have to.

**Darlene** · 03-21-2005, 08:29 AM

Hope that didn't come across meanly. I just hate it when people aren't nice to kids. Your Mom instincts are right, this doesn't feel good & isn't right.

**sixfreds** · 03-21-2005, 09:40 AM

I agree with Darlene.
I would not let anyone who is mean to my kids near them no phone contact, no seeing them nothing I would cut her out.
Your husband should also talk to her and say enough! and stand up for you, YOU are his wife You and the kids are his family and should be the most important in his life not his mom.

Eileen

**Dedlered** · 03-21-2005, 10:13 AM

I too agree with Darlene, this pretty well is mental abuse..

**Missy** · 03-21-2005, 11:38 AM

maybe block their phone numbers?

**dolphin** · 03-21-2005, 12:33 PM

Since they don't send cards or money to the other children, I would send all mail back to them. "refused, return to sender". Also agree, no private phone calls.

You are right to be mad and hurt by their treatment of your children.

**dhmunoz** · 03-21-2005, 01:45 PM

Thanks for your ears and support, everyone

As far as the cards, the last time they sent one DH did call and tell them that they were WAY WRONG for sending just to one child and not the rest. My 2 oldest sons are old enough to know that MIL and SIL are evil (LOL) as they are 11 and 13 but the little ones, ages 4 and 5, were hurt that they didn't get a cute card too. He told them that in the future the cards would be either thrown away or returned before any of the kids got a chance to spot them. Honestly, since Easter is close and knowing how they are, I fully expect to see a card in the mailbox sometime this week. They never listen to anything anyone tells them, it is very frustrating.

**voodidit** · 03-21-2005, 02:09 PM

I agree with the others, your husband first needs tounderstand how much this is hurting your family and second, tellthemit has to stop or there will be no more contact between them and your family.

A grandmother should never say anything bad to a child about either parent, or treat one better then the others.

**PrairieRose** · 03-21-2005, 02:20 PM

I agree with Darlene but would go a bit farther and say to dh if you don't handle this I will. And if he didn't I'd tell dmil and dsil to stop it or lose any rights to visit with the kids. Jmho.

**pita1213** · 03-21-2005, 04:30 PM

like the others have said. your dh needs to talk to them, and if he can't do it, you need to. they already treat you like poo so what have you got to lose by ticking them off? if it was me,all phone calls, monitored or not, would stop. it's like the cards, if they aren't going to do it for all of them, they shouldn't do it for any of them. and they shouldn't be filling a 6 yr old's head with that garbage.

**TanyaMT** · 03-21-2005, 07:06 PM

I agree with the others. If they can't support your entire family unit, including not saying anything negative about you both and not filling your son's head with garbage as well as showing such obvious preference and hurting the others, then I personally would sever or severely limit contact to protect all your children. I just can't understand why people would do things that like that (shaking my head). Sorry if that sounds harsh. I have no tolerance for those that abuse children in any way, including mentally, and your younger kids are much too young to understand why someone who is supposed to love and care for them ALL would be this way.

**Chea** · 03-21-2005, 07:09 PM

I agree -- cut the ties with the outlaws. If they can't respect you and your family as a WHOLE then who needs em. Don't subject yourself to be hurt another minute.

**Mom23boys** · 03-21-2005, 08:34 PM

I wouldn't accept any mail from them. If you are expecting something this week because of the holiday, I would write on it refused, return to sender!! Maybe doing it will get their attention. I would also block their calls or refuse to let them talk to any of the children.

**graci42** · 03-21-2005, 11:05 PM

Have dh write...refused--return to sender and if they continue...contact an attorny (last resort). She may try to "sue" for Grandparental rights...nip it in the bud before she tries.

She's twisted enough to do what she has done so far...don't put anything past her.