Question for parents of teens

**sunshine** · 04-25-2005, 11:43 AM

Just curious as to what others do, since for the first time we've come across parents with VERY different expectations of their kids.

What do you expect them to pay for with their own money?

I expect my kids to buy any clothes that cost more than I'm willing to pay- that is always open for discussion.

I expect my kids to get good driver discounts on their insurance and good student discounts. I pay the insurance, but if they do ANYTHING that makes it go up- they pay the increased amount.

I pay for their food- school lunches or brown bag lunch at a rate of $1.50 /meal. If they want more than that-- they pay the difference.

I buy off brand school supplies- if they want name brand, they buy it.

I added my teens to my cell phone plan for $10/month each. They have been responsible and my bill has not gone over that EVER. I figure $10/month for peace of mind is cheaper than a therapist. There have been instances where we were very thankful they had the phones. They can also call their boyfriend/girfriend long distance for free during nights and weekends.

They pay for all fun stuff like movies, CD's, eating out, and so forth.

I tell them if they want to go to college, they need to get good grades, apply for scholarships, grants, etc and work part time to pay it. I will help where I can, but can't do it all.

Ds's girlfriend's parents expect her to pay for her food, insurance (even though she's not allowed to drive), phone, all clothing, all school supplies, pay rent (she's 17 and in HS). . . . . they had told her in the past that whatever money she could save for college, they would match-- only now that it's time to cough up the $$$ they backed out of it, and she's having trouble getting enough cash for school.

I'm just wondering what your expectations of your teenagers are in regards to money.

**DaisyLady** · 04-25-2005, 11:55 AM

My oldest is 18 and on disability. He pays a small amount for room and board, all of his medical supplies, and basically everything else. Only because if we give him or buy him anything he has to claim it and then loses part of his pension for the next month.

The other two have regular jobs babysitting and so they are expected to put some into savings, contribute at church and pay for half of their summer camp. They also pay for "extras" like graduation parties at school, cd's, video games etc. They also usually buy their own clothes just because they like to do that (and that way they can get the stuff they want.)

**dhmunoz** · 04-25-2005, 12:02 PM

I think the way you are doing it is very fair

My kids are not teenagers YET...although my oldest son will be 13 in July. Still, he is not old enough to really go out and get a job. My only experience with this would be my own. I had just turned 17 when I got my first job, at an El Pollo Loco (LOL!) It was during the summer, and the restaurant had just opened in town so I got quite a lot of hours in. When school started in September, it was the beginning of my senior year. WOW what a rude awakening when my mom said that she was NOT buying me ANY school clothes! My parents said that since I had a decent job I could buy my own. I also bought my own school supplies, yearbook, band gear, senior key (I didn't get a class ring because it was out of my budget and my parents wouldn't pay for it either), and when it was time for Senior pictures, my parents bought the poses that THEY liked and pictures that THEY wanted but if I wanted different poses, and wallets to give out to friends, that would be my responsibility. The picture of me that was published in the yearbook was MY pose choice and I did buy wallets to exchange with friends. My mom gave me $1 for lunch every day, and if I wanted more than that I would have to kick in my own money. I paid for all my field trips, formal dresses, dance pictures...and our end-of-the-year band trip to Disneyland that cost $300--you guessed it, I footed the bill for that too.

At the time I remember thinking that my parents were way harsh and it sucked trying to pick up extra hours at work and get overtime so that I could pay for everything....but now when I look back, I am glad. I learned a LOT about prioritizing and managing money.

**mrscornbread** · 04-25-2005, 12:19 PM

Car insurance
Car payments
clothing
dates
any extra cirricular activities

I dont charge room and board, but they must go to school or be on their own completely.

I do however "loan" money (knowing ahead of time that I will never get it back)

**Darlene** · 04-25-2005, 12:42 PM

We handle things pretty much the same way you do Denise. They have paid their car insurance before when they were working more (summer).
Both are saving up their $$ for extras needed for college.

**forestdale** · 04-25-2005, 02:59 PM

While my kids were in school, that is high school and university, we paid for everything and gave them an allowance. For that allowance they had various jobs to do around the house, and they often helped DH at the store. As soon as they got jobs, we didn't pay for anything.

Now we have one son living in an apartment and one at home. The one at home pays board, for part of the utilities and for pay TV.

**jlxian** · 04-25-2005, 03:17 PM

My kids are only 12, but we handle some of the things you mention in a similar manner. I will pay what I consider a reasonable amount for something and if they want a more expensive model/brand then they pay for it. They only get $5 a week allowance so they are not buying too much right now.

My husband and I have discussed at length what to do when they are in high school. He is a high school teacher so he sees the kids that work at jobs in order to pay for the gas and insurance (and maybe payments, I guess) on their cars and then their grades suffer terribly because the hours are too long at work. So, our plan is for our kids not to have jobs during the school year. Their main job during the school year is to go to school. We also stress to them that if they get good enough grades that paying for college (they do not have a choice about this, they will go to college) will be easier. In Missouri we have Bright Flight Scholarships for kids who make a certain grade on the SAT/ACT.

So far we do not have cell phones, but I can see a time in the future (maybe not so far off) that we will want to have them and probably will add the kids too.

I can't believe your son's girlfriend's parents are so awful about money -- especially making her pay rent when she is a minor! Do they want to drive her out of the house?

**mom22grls** · 04-25-2005, 04:32 PM

I'll pay for insurance (and driver's ed) until she gets a ticket...then she's got to pay the difference....more than one & she's on her own....totally.
I buy almost all of her clothes....usually she asks for reasonable things. If she wants a $100 pair of shoes...as an example, she gets it for x-mas or birthday.
I pay for summer camp and all sports camps.
She gets $5 a week for movies, skating, etc. She also can earn extra money from us.
She babysits quite alot.
I made her pay for her own pre-paid cell phone. Maybe for her 16th birthday, we'll spring for one for her.
she's going to get *our* car when she needs it for work or school, etc. If she wants a better one, she better get a job & SAVE for it!

We'll pay for gas as long as it's not unreasonable.
As long as she's in college, we'll let her live here rent-free. I *want* her here.

I'm not sure we'll be able to afford to pay alot for her school....she'll probably end up working.
I give her $2 a day for school lunch & junk.

I had to pay for all of my clothes, gas, ins, car, lunch, etc. pretty much all but room & board. I worked about 20-30 hours a week....mostly on the weekends. When I moved out, I made about $17k a year & I got student loans.

As long as dd isn't abusing it, we'll help her out alot.