Not sure how to feel about this

**Chea** · 04-25-2005, 09:23 PM

We got a phone call that dh's uncle had passed away. My dh keeps somewhat in contact with that side of his family (fathers side). He said that I can go or not and I choose not since I really don't know these people.

So of course his Uncle dies and he calls his mother to go with him b/c the family is all there. His mother hasn't kept in touch with these people all these years and I'm sure there will be alot of emotions.

What I don't understand, is that if these people were so important to him, why don't I know them?? I've met most of them only once or twice over the years but I can't help feel alittle angry and left out. I'm going to turn the other cheek since this isn't about me at all but just needed to vent.

**Chea** · 04-25-2005, 09:28 PM

Oh and I know it sounds HORRIBLY selfish -- which is why I'm venting here and keeping my ugly thoughts to myself.

**forestdale** · 04-26-2005, 12:21 AM

Heather, I'd tell your dh how you feel. I think he'd probably like to know that you really do want to know his family. You're right though, I'd tell him after all this is over. Hopefully you can visit some of his rels during a better time.

Has he met your family?

**mrscornbread** · 04-26-2005, 12:33 AM

I am sorry you feel this way. I can relate, when I was married, my dh was strange about me and his family, he kept us very distant and that is okay with me, especially now, but at the time it gave me some ugly thoughts too.

Hugs for you, why not do something nice for YOU while they are gone.

**Chea** · 04-26-2005, 08:55 AM

Well I did do for me....lots of net time here while he was gone.

We did talk alittle bit though I couldn't help but feel I was being selfish. He was in one of his soft and gently moments when I can actually talk to him and have him comprehend. I told him that I feel like he's embarrased of me and the kids or something to not include us. He told me its nothing like that. That part of the family only gets together when someone dies etc...... I felt better but its always going to be a thorn in my side.

The rest of his family I know very well but this is his fathers side and after his father died they basically ignored his mother and the rest of the kids. My Bil's don't have anything to do with these people. I guess its complicated like family stuff can be.

**jlxian** · 04-26-2005, 10:02 AM

Heather, you know how months can pass and you realize you have not been in touch with "so and so" for ages? Its true for me anyway, and I hate it. But I let it happen. Its especially true of family I think -- and more so for family that you are not really close to. I have a brother that I exchange Christmas cards with and that is pretty much it. I think a lot of us take for granted that family will "always" be around and then our busy schedules take over and before you know it a looooooooonnnnnnngggg time has passed and you don't know anything about them.

When my dad died I realized that he had been the one who kept in touch with various cousins and aunts and uncles and that without him there wouldn't be any contact anymore. I started a family site at myfamily.com (this is not a commercial plug.... just personal testimony) where we can all check in on each other when we feel like it -- and share news and photos and the like. It is a terrific way to keep in touch without all the emotional baggage that face to face encounters involve.

I'm also heavily involved in genealogy (since my dad died) and this family site serves a dual purpose --- keeping in touch with these folks and also sharing genealogy type information.

I guess the point of my post is that it may be your husband's family just doesn't realize that time has passed until something dire happens --- like a funeral. And that is most likely doesn't have anything to do with you personally. Is there anyway you can go to the funeral too so you can meet these people?

**Chea** · 04-26-2005, 04:10 PM

Thanks for everyone's support. I'll def be at the funeral. Poor dh is so upset and I don't blame him. I agree totally that family loses touch so easily. I have a huge extended family thats very close but I know how easily this can happen. Thanks eveyone, feeling better today!