Is it me? It might be. Long rant

[Jerseygirl]

I am seriously angry at dh. His grandmother was here for 6 weeks, during this time just about every weekend was taken up driving her state to state etc. She was not invited to stay here for 6 weeks, she was invited for 2, and he did not put a stop to it when she said she wanted to stay longer to attend family things. Today she left and instead of staying home and actually spending some quality time with me, he is at a concert 3 hours away with his scumbag friends. Granted, he does not see them often-6-7 times a year, but today was not a good day. Next weekend his handicapped son will be here taking up every moment of the weekend. It has been over 2 months since we did something as simple as going to dinner alone-we have no kids together so as far as I am concerned this is not acceptable. We even had to take his grandmother to dinner on our anniversary. I am seriously unhappy with this relationship. I have changed a lot over the past few years and I am not really in a personal state I am happy with. I am sure that has a big part in my anger with him. We have been arguing a lot and I have been mean. He just does not abide by my wishes and that makes the control freak that I am get even worse. Stupid things-he broke a fan that I really liked-it was from the 40's and matched my bedroom beautifully, it had been in my grandparents house for years, I feel like he just isnt carefull with my things, I went nuts and got very upset I told him not to buy a new one, that I wanted to pick it out, I am very picky about what I will put in the house and he knew that from day 1 with me. The next day he comes home with 2 ugly plastic fans, didn't even ask if I wanted to go to the store. I don't think it is too much to ask that when I ask him not to buy something that he respect that. I have personally never made it past the 3 year mark in a relationship before him, so maybe this is the natural aging process of a relationship. I am bored and I realize that. Iam very type A and look for things to keep myself constantly occupied. I am really concerned since we are in the process of adopting that bringing a child up with him is going to be in noones best interest. What do you do when you have little in common anymore? I refuse to stay just because it's convenient, and that is what it feels like. Thoughts? Have your relationships grown stronger over the years, or have you drifted into a grey area? If you have grown stronger, how did you do it?

[aylasmommy]

Oh MAN do I ever know how you feel!!

As far as has it gotten better..well it got REALLY REALLY bad before it actually got better, and we are celebrating *just our 2nd anniverssary this next month..

I am feeling like you said "I am not really in a personal state I am happy with"
I totally know what that is like! I feel like I've changed so much just to please him!! It's like a tug of war between pleasing him and trying to do things so that I am comfortable with myself!

I also know just what you mean about him breaking things that are special to you..grr whats up with our husbands!

That is really too bad you didn't have a pleasant anniverssary!

[[email protected]]

How long have you been together? I know that in my 22 yr marriage that there have been many many times that I was very unhappy,then I realized that he has been too! Now we talk about it and spend ALOT of time compromising.
What it all boils down to is-- I love my husband,respect the things I don't like that he does,and realize that I probably drive him nuts too. I cherish our time together,and it sure doesn't happen often.
As far as gramma,I'd be ticked,but his son is now part of both of you.We have five of our own,and they take all of our time,but when they are grown and gone-DH and I will be alone at last
Good luck and I hope things get better

[Bevv]

Is it possible to put the adoption on hold untill you get past this? If I was in the situation described, I would. Besides that.. if you still are in the stage of needing priivate time with your husband, then having a child around the house full time (adopting) will not make life any easire

It was very irresponsible of your husband to let his grandmother spend the extra 4 weeks, especially when a lot of the burden fell on you.

Maybe you ought to take a weekend trip when his son is there and let your husband have some "one on one" time with the son??

[samantha]

I have found in my marriage there have been ups and downs and there have been times when I thought it just wasn't worth it anymore, but I remember the commitment I made and I stick it out and things have gotten better. Ebb and flow.

My first marriage was different, though.

[MANDERS]

I agree with everything said.Husbands can be dificlut at times(its from their mommie babying them LOL)but then I think we can be dificult too.I know what its like not having time alone.We were supposed to have a day alone with the dkiddos at grandmas but she backed out.We haven't had a day alone in 6 months.I'm serious it was the day my sister took dd to the movies and my mom watched ds while we went out to eat on our vacation.It is give and take.More giving than taking I think.I'm not an expert we've only been married 5yrs.but things seem to get better with time.We find that if we take time out for each other more often than we are both happier.