I am need of your help and opinions

Dedlered · 10-28-2005, 02:07 PM

The following is an email that I am sending to my DS's school principal and the school superintendent.

Do you think I am being to crass?

TIA

Good Afternoon

I would like to arrange some time for my husband and I to meet with you to address a couple concerns we have and we know that they will be a concern to you as well. If you don't mind, I would like to briefly touch on these subjects.

1. Earlier this week, my son was given a detention for tripping another student, and rightfully so as we do not condone this type of behavior. What is of concern to us is the way that the situation was handled by the faculty member who witnessed the incident. It is our understanding that my son's reaction was in retaliation for continued verbal abuse (which I will address in #2). The faculty member either chose to ignore the abuse or my son's explanation of the incident and referred to my son as "stupid". I am sure that you will agree that this in inappropriate verbiage for a faculty member to use in reference to a student, regardless of the situation.

2. There is also an issue of continued and constant bullying and harrasment of my son by other students that has escalated to taunting and physical contact. While we understand that some of this is normal during adolescence and the adjustment period following a move, when it begins to interfere with a child's self esteem and self worth, we feel the issue must be addressed before the physical contact escalates more. Unfortunately, this is situation is not just unique to Nathaniel as it has been brought to our attention that another student has said " I am glad you transferred to this school, now they pick on you instead of me".

We would like to meet with you as soon as possible to address these concerns. I can be reached on my cell or at work
I look forward to hearing from you.

forestdale · 10-28-2005, 02:37 PM

Laura, I believe you're doing exactly the right thing. The email is fine.

Dedlered · 10-28-2005, 02:39 PM

Thanks Rhonda, I cannot tell you how many times I rewrote this, trying very hard to be rational and not over emotional

forestdale · 10-28-2005, 02:39 PM

I hit "submit" too soon......

....Good luck and keep us updated about what happens at the meeting.

Missy · 10-28-2005, 02:44 PM

i think it is good. send it and demand follow up. give till noon monday for a response, if there isn't one, keep pushing. I was picked on mercilessly through most of elementary and middle school. my social skills were crushed as a result. I wish my parents had been as concerned and willing to step in and help as you are. Good for you!

Dedlered · 10-28-2005, 02:46 PM

Missy,

I have hemmed and hawed about stepping in, worrying if it might not cause more problems, like mamma's boy etc.. but this last situation was the straw that broke the camel's back. My son was in tears last night

Missy · 10-28-2005, 02:52 PM

I understand, on the one hand we want our children to manage their problems and be able to work out their day-to-days. But on the other, the problems kids are facing are increasingly out of their realm of coping mechanics. Hugs, I think you are doing the right thing.

Dedlered · 10-28-2005, 03:13 PM

Wow, I have already received a response and will be meeting on Tuesday with the principal and the Dean of Students,

I am sorry to hear that your son is having some difficulty at school. I am positive that we can address these issues and create an atmosphere that you son will feel comfortable coming to school. If you have time on Tuesday, November 1st to come to school I can meet with you and our Dean of Students. Please give me a time that you are available and I can set that up.

forestdale · 10-28-2005, 03:21 PM

Wow, nice response! Good luck, Laura.

Dedlered · 10-28-2005, 03:23 PM

Thanks Rhonda, I am feeling much better about all of this now

pita1213 · 10-28-2005, 04:12 PM

wow. glad you got a quick response. hope the meeting goes well and they really do try to fix things.

PrairieRose · 10-28-2005, 04:20 PM

I think you're doing the right thing by stepping in and I'm happy to see that you got a quick and positive response.

SHOPGIRL · 10-28-2005, 09:56 PM

Laura,

It's very likely that you're not get the whole story. It sounds like your son is in 7th and 8th grade. I teach 8th grade. At my school, we work in teams so all 4 academic teachers have the same kids. When things like this come up, all four us meet with the parents and counselor or student assistant specialist(social worker). The principal can only do so much. Is there an assistant principal at your son's school? If so, the ap is the one that usually deals with discipline. If the school has a social worker, that person usually is involved in things like this.

I'm assuming that you've contacted your son's teachers through email or by phone to express your concerns. Often, bullying happens during passing time in the hall or when an adult isn't around. Or, it could be happening and the teacher isn't aware of it.

The principal can only do so much so I would get your son's teachers involved if they already aren't. Did you call the faculty member that issued his detention? They may already be taking steps to help your son, but your son may not be aware of it.

Mumzy · 10-28-2005, 10:42 PM

Laura, I am so sorry you are going through this. Especially for your son. I would like to see that you don't just stop there. The teacher should be repremanded. She should be a trained professional and helping the bully with name calling toward your child. Don't stop there. You have every right to know what they are going to do to make it stop! Document everything. Go up the scale if you need to. Perhaps this is where some knowledged person of the system can speak up. I'm thinking on the line of seeking legal action if need be.

You don't send your son to school to be bullied. Never apolgize for protecting your child.

Wow, I didn't know this subject would get my blood boiling....

SHOPGIRL · 10-28-2005, 10:56 PM

It's really important to make sure you get all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Often, during a crisis, people don't hear everything. There is a big difference between flat out calling a kids stupid, saying, "your acting stupid", "that was a stupid thing to do", etc. . . We weren't there so it is hard to judge.

Dealing with the teacher, principal is the easy thing. The real problem is stopping the bullying. Adults can enforce the rules, counsel the kids how to handle this and how to react. It's the kids who have to learn how to cope and deflect the bullies. Kids will stop bullying other kids when they don't get a reaction from the other kid. Adults can issue consequences for misconduct, but that rarely stops the entire problem. At my school, we've had assemblies that deal with this issue. A group came and put on a play and it was informative. It's hard not to want to fight back when your verbally attacked. It's always better to have the teacher made aware of what is going on so they can be proactive rather than reactive. It's much better if I hear a kid say something or do something and I react to it rather than the kid.