Starting a family

[Telephus44]

I just kind of wanted other people's opinions on this since I've been really emotional about this subject lately (sometimes I have a hard time just looking at things objectively and making a good decision). DH and I have always talked about starting a family. We have been married for just over two years. We are currently renting an apartment with plans on having all CC debt paid off in Jan/Feb so we can start saving for a house which we plan to purchase sometime around the end of next year.

Originally when we worked out these financial goals, the plan was for me to come off birth control in April/May of next year (whenever the prescription runs out). However, for the past three weeks I've just been getting really emotionally upset about waiting so long. My new co-worker has a 4 month old girl, two customers I deal with are pregnant, my husband's cousin who we'll see at Christmas is pregnant - even Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are pregnant and Brittany Spears has a baby! It seems like every single day I am surrounded by women who are blessed with children and I have to wait another 7 months before we are even supposed to start trying. I'm also starting to worry about my age - and I'm only 27! (I'll be 28 if we end up waiting until May) (That I *know* is a lot more emotional than logical, but I still worry). DH and I talk about our future kids on almost a daily basis, so I know that he's not trying to put me off.

I'm really thinking of asking DH if we can start trying right now at the end of this cycle, but I'm not sure if this is just a funky mood I've been in for three weeks or what. Any thoughts, suggestions, advice?

[babymav]

I just wanted to say hang in there Maybe talk to hubby and tell him how you really feel. I don't think it's a funky mood. Sounds as if your feelings about starting a family are very strong. Maybe he will surprise you and feel the same way

[Missy]

First... big hugs!!

DH and I had planned on waiting till we were married five years before trying. God apparently had other plans. The very best time to have a baby is.... noone can answer that for ya. I'll bet though if you discuss these things with DH about your frustration about age and so on, about babies in every direction, etc, perhaps he is having some of the same thoughts. Also you might want to discuss with your GYN. Why? Because some B/C's are even effective after the last cycle, so timing when to come off of it might be an issue too.

We were never financially sound when we got pregnant... nowhere near! I applaude you guys for working on your debt first.

I don't know what to say about mood. I mean it could be just a passing mood, but really I don't know how to answer that.

Some help I am huh?? Forget what i said, LOL, here's another hug!

[SHOPGIRL]

Sara,

I know exactly how you feel. Your still very young, and people are having babies in their 30s without problems. I think right now, all those maternal instincts,emotions; whatever you want to call them are in full force right now.

You should start a family whenever you want. Some people get pregnant right away, while others it takes months and sometimes a couple years.

You recently changed jobs, and your dh started a new one. That can be stressful right there. Also, house hunting, remodeling, decorating and all that can be another stresser.

It sounds like financially you have it all together. Money isn't the issue. You've been married for two years so that seems like a good amount of time to adjust to marriage.

Balancing a career and children will be a challenge. I know how tired I am when I come home from work.

If your comfortable with everything in your life right now then I'd so "go for it". Or, just be patient...7 months isn't that far way. You may be ready, but your dh may not b ready. I really think its important the both of you agree.

I've known my dh since 1993. I met him when I was 23, then starting going out with him when I was 24. We got married when I was 32. I can't remember how long I was on the pill for, but I think I stopped taking it 3 or so months after we got married. I wasn't anxious to get pregnant right away, but I figured if it happened, it would be great. So, I was surprised to find out at 33, a year later that I was pregnant. The next day I left for a vacation in Bermuda, and ended up miscarrying while in Bermuda. I was able to get pregnant again within the year, and at 9 weeks had another miscarriage. Now, I'm working with specialists and everything is going great. I'm 35, and in a few months will be 36. Although I haven't had a successful pregnancy, I know that I will soon. Sometimes I think we should have started sooner, but I'm glad that I waited. My dh and I were able to do some traveling, develop a balanced relationship, and we purchased our first house 1 1/2 ago. All the major work is done to it,so when we do have a baby, we'll be all set.

In my mid 20s, I really had the baby urge. My dh wasn't ready till he was 32 to start a family. I was fortunate that a lot of my friends weren't having babies. Most of my friends waited till their early 30s to start a family.

This is such a personal decision. Even if you go off the pill, it might take several months for you to get pregnant. Or, you could be very lucky and get pregnant the next month.

Good luck!

[many houseapes]

Sweetheart.....all that I can tell you is from what I have learned...Let God be God.......and trust Him...His timing is more than perfect...and He will provide for everything that you will need. Not trying to get preachy here, but not only trust Him with your cycles, but also trust Him with your finances........you will not be disappointed I am 40, have 9 children and would love to have more

[Emerald_Mommy]

I agree that no one can tell you what's right for you. Your plan seems great but, and this is just my opnion, if you're waiting for the perfect time for a baby there just is no perfect time. There will always be money issues, career issues, emotional issues, etc. You and your husband are the only ones who can decide for you and don't allow anyone else to make you feel bad about your choices.

Right now we have the two girls. I would love to have more someday, I love babies and I feel like we're doing a good job raising them, but now is not the right time for more for us. I just feel like God will let us know when the time is right and when we decide that - together - nothing anyone else says matters.

[Darlene]

Originally posted by Emerald_Mommy
I agree that no one can tell you what's right for you. Your plan seems great but, and this is just my opnion, if you're waiting for the perfect time for a baby there just is no perfect time. There will always be money issues, career issues, emotional issues, etc. You and your husband are the only ones who can decide for you and don't allow anyone else to make you feel bad about your choices.

I agree that there is no perfect time and it's time to have another talk with your sweetie. Good luck with whatever you two decide.

[Michelle]

First, I don't think it's a funky mood if it's lasted for 3 weeks. Talk to your dh, and see how he feels about starting sooner. I do think that you should wait until you are both ready to start a family though. In other words, if he wants to wait the 7 mos as you originally planned, don't fight it. Having a baby is a joyous time, and you want to make sure that you are both on the same page.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

[forestdale]

I agree that there's never a perfect time. You should start when you both really want babies. Did you know you're at exactly the average age most American women have their first babies? http://www.cdc.gov/od/oc/media/pressrel/r021211.htm It's 29 years of age here. I had my first baby when I was 32, and another one year later at 33.

I think that you'll always get around finanical problems when they arise. The important thing is to have your baby when you are ready to love and nurture it. And it sound like you're at that stage.

[Mom23boys]

I think you and your DH should sit down and discuss your concerns. He may have the same feeling as you. At least he will know how you really feel.

As for when to have a baby? I have to echo what has already been said. There is no perfect time as something will always be an issue.

[Valerie in WA]

This reply doesn't address your original question (sorry!), but I do think it's important to go off of hormonal bc for a couple of months before TTC. Use a non-hormonal method until the hormones have some time to clear your system. I just don't think that's good for the baby. Also you should start on a Folic Acid supplement before TTC (or just go on the prenatal vitamins).

FWIW, I got pg the 1st try in April, turned 28 in May, graduated from nursing school in Dec, had the baby in February, went to work as an RN at the end of March, turned 29 in May, and bought our first house in June. I got sick a lot the next fall - I think it was because of so much stress. Oh, and we had been married 3.5yrs when she was born.

Talk to your dh. There's never going to be a perfect time, but there might be a right time.

[Jerseygirl]

I think I might see this from a different perspective. I want a baby more than anything in the world too. We are currently adopting, but I can tell you that it seems like everyone around me has a new baby (the one thing I want and don't have) It is the most frustrating thing, I feel like I have literally gone all ocd about it. Everywhere I go I see them, hear them, find cute little accesories for them, it's like a club I can't join. I know with me I get like this anytime I'm working towards something very specific. Talk to your dh, but know this is something most of us who put off motherhood have gone through.

[bamamomto4]

I dont think anyone can tell you when the time is right,only you and your dh know that. Talk to him,he may even want to start trying now to

From my own experience.....I'd go off the pill now,start the prenatals(very important..start now even if you decide waiting 7 months!) and just let it happen. I got pg at 16 with Ashley,didnt want another for a few yrs but got pg again a year or so later and lost it. After that it was almost like I became obssessed with having another baby. I had many problems and only got pg with my 2nd because of infertility pills....NINE yrs later. Every month I'd cry....everyone was having babies except me. Like Kellie said...it was like a club I couldn't join. And everyone would ask "When are you having another". Which hurt like heck because "only if they knew". And I so hated hearing things like so and so "gets pg when the wind blows"....
After we found out the prob,I got pg the first month with Katie...when we decided on one more,it took 7 months. Jayme was a miracle. After Jackson i went on bcp's to regulate me and I got pg. At first,I admit to being a little unhappy because "I" was done having children. I would think back on those yrs wanting a baby so bad and I was so thankful for her. She was born at the most perfect time in our lives

Do whats best for you.If you wait till you can afford children,that'll never happen.

[Telephus44]

First of all, thanks to everyone for yur encouragement. I was almost in tears when I wrote my original post. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there who gets upset when it seems like everyone else on the planet is having babies!

I talked to DH yesterday and we've decided that I'll go one more month on the pill (more to get him used to the idea - he seems to think that I'll get pregnant the day after I stop taking them) so I'll be off of them totally in about 5 weeks. I did have this conversation with my gyn at my last appointment in May - she had told me that when the time comes that I needed to stop the pill and wait 3 months for my cycle to become normal before TTC. Right now I am on a multi-vitamin (with 100% of the Folic Acid). I will probably switch to a pre-natal in 5 weeks (just in case - not like I couldn't get pregnant in the first three months - we're not planning on using any form of BC, but we're not going to be actively trying, either).

As far a timing - I just feel like its time. I have my career established, I feel mature enough, DH and I are very secure in our marraige. DH really wanted to wait until everything is paid off, but we'll have that done in 4 months and a baby will take at least 9 months - so waiting the extra month ended up being our compromise. I know that that's going to be a lot easier on me than another 7 months.

Again, thanks for all the hugs and encouragement!

[Mom23boys]

I am glad you and your DH were able to sit down and talk about your concerns and come to some conclusions that work for both of you.