"Man" Vacations

**krisathome** · 12-10-2005, 06:34 PM

I am just wondering if my dh is the only man that does this? I have never known any man to take trips without his family. Well, in this case I mean myself and our kids. He went with his "family", his mom and dad, brothers and sister-in-laws and his sister and her dh. They went on a trip to Texas to hunt snow geese, it's a 24 hour drive and one of his brothers paid for everything. I was invited to go but this is not a good time for me to just up and leave my dks. They have alot going on especially this close to Christmas. Dh decided he would go anyway...without me. I didn't say a word about how hurt I am, I did drop hints but he didn't get them. I was NOT going to ask him to stay home because then I am the bad guy and the ils already dislike me. But when he finally gets home on Mon. night, I think I will be telling him my thoughts. And they are not at all pretty!

Oh and last year he went on a fishing trip to Canada for a week. The kids and I have not been on a vacation for 6 years.

**duckduckgoose007** · 12-10-2005, 06:38 PM

Oh...He & the in-laws would hear me...all the way from NY to Iowa!!!!!!

**Early Bird** · 12-10-2005, 07:18 PM

First, let me say that I dislike travelling.

Second, I dislike DRIVING. More like a pathological fear of driving in strange places. So going out shopping while DH visits his family isn't an option.

Third, I find solitude quite soothing. My best vacation ever was 9 days of Spring Break without a car -- and with all my friends out-of-town: I slept; I read; I walked out to do some shopping.

Finally, whenever we visit the in-laws, I find myself listening to the most mind-numbingly boring conversations I ever could imagine. (Do I really CARE if DH's dead aunt's son is moving to Nevada? No!)

So, when DH's brother got his PhD ... and there was a BIG party in Florida to celebrate, I GLADLY put DH on a plane to go enjoy his family's celebration. DH would have sprung for tickets for all of us, but I couldn't see paying for the flights and dragging two toddlers along to THAT!

So, I strongly encouraged him to go without us. I wouldn't enjoy it; he did. ABSOLUTELY no resentment from me.

******************************

Also, in my old neighborhood, some of the men have a 'golf outing' tradition. Every fall, they drive to a Tennessee resort and spend about 4 days golfing and drinking beer. About 6 guys, most w/ families.

DH never got involved in that, but some of my friends' husbands did. One even left on their ANNIVERSARY weekend to go to this golf outing!

And her husband is actually a decent guy. Those men just go a little crazy for that golf trip.

So, what your DH did is nowhere near as awful as leaving you alone for your anniversary.

And aren't you glad you didn't HAVE to go? Goose hunting?!? When you could be home all cozy.

Yup. I'd pick staying at home, with a good book and maybe a glass of wine.

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 12-10-2005, 07:25 PM

i don't blame you at all for being very angry. thats just not fair!!!! i wouldn't of left my children either so close to the holidays ( i wouldn't of left them if it wasn't close to x-mas). i agree with duckduckgoose007...they would hear me across the u.s.........lol

**krisathome** · 12-10-2005, 08:25 PM

The problem is he had last week off for deer hunting here then left right after deer season ended, and I do mean right when it ended. So he's already used 2 weeks of his vacation time from work, which only leaves 1 week.

I know I wouldn't have enjoyed the trip in the least. They smoke and love to spend too much time in the bars, kwim? As a former smoker and recovered alcoholic, that doesn't sound like my cup of tea. But if the situation were reversed and it was my family going on vacation and my dh couldn't go, I wouldn't. I would have stayed home without a thought. In fact I have done it several times. But maybe I shouldn't have.....

**slowtypinwoman** · 12-10-2005, 09:05 PM

It is plain that the hint dropping is not working on him. He will never know how you feel until you tell him. May I suggest that you wait a bit, just until some of the hurt wears off.

Good luck!

**YankeeMom** · 12-10-2005, 09:18 PM

Mine does occassionally go places without myself or the kids. He went to Texas for a couple of days for his Fantasy Football draft thing one year. Mostly, we all go or no one goes.

Just one tip: Men do NOT get "hints". You have to come right out & tell them point blank how you feel and what you want. They just do not get hints, innuendos, or suggestions.

**favesis37** · 12-13-2005, 01:21 AM

my dh and db went fishing for a week, it didn't bother me in the least the kids and i stayed home and enjoyed ourselves.i went for a week to my sister this past summer he stayed home to be able to take time off when our new grandbaby arrives. i guess it is what you are used to. 2 weeks in a row might be tough on me.
good luck!

**Pepper** · 12-13-2005, 11:58 AM

I must admit I had never had this problem, so when I first read through your post, I became mad. But before I replied I thought it through, stepping out of my shoes!!

I'm not sure how long you have been married or how often this occurs or if it has always been this way.

If it has always been this way, then it is going to take some serious communications between the two of you.

If it is just recently beginning then let him know how it makes you feel, he probably doesn't even realize it!

I agree totally with men not getting hints.......you have to spell everything out!!!!

**MandiDawn** · 12-13-2005, 12:48 PM

Let me first say that i don't have kids, and that might change everything - but My BF goes away on hunting trips all the time. He was gone most of November this year. If it's just the boys, then I dont' go, I stay home. Yeah it cuts into vacations we could take together, but this is what he enjoys. No other vacation in the world would compare to a week in teh woods hunting somethin down, so I dont' complain.
If it makes you mad, say something, but maybe you should start accepting offers to go away with your family and leave him home iwth the kids.

**krisathome** · 12-13-2005, 01:18 PM

Well, the man is home. He got here yesterday around 9 am. They drove all night. And just so you know, I didn't yell or say a word. He told me how crabby his sils were and how much he appreciates me. I really am glad I didn't go, all the women did was sit around the lodge and play cards since there was nowhere to shop. They were in a little poduck town with no shopping or even restaurants.

**bevjean** · 12-13-2005, 01:34 PM

Vacation? What's that? My only vacation is visiting my parents in NM. Which isn't really a vacation. I still watch after the boys and help mom clean house. My hubby takes off camping with his friends several times a year for any where from 3-6 days at a time. Even when we go back to NM, he drops me off at my parents and goes camping with his friends. The only good thing about that is that he and my mom can't stand each other so with him camping I don't have to listen to them.

**Mamaw** · 12-13-2005, 05:46 PM

When I was first married I would have taken a fit if DH had gone on a vacation without me. But now, after 25 years, it is not such a big deal. He normally goes for 3 days or so for goose hunting and another 3 days or so for fishing with his buddies. I could go along but this is NOT my cup of tea! We always have 1 week together in the summer and go away for a few days every fall for our anniversary so we DO have some alone time together. Plus I have found that since I let him go alone with the "guys" he cant complain when I go every other weekend to Ohio to see DGD or when I go to horse show once every couple of years with a friend in texas. Truthfully, if I complained he would probably not go but he would be resentful and miserable. Then I would have a rotten time too. Much better to let him go and enjoy my time alone. But then again, I enjoy my solitude and can be quite content reading a book, watching a movie, getting a long hot bath or going thrift store shopping all on my own! No one to cook for, clean up after or listen to complaining from! LOL My bottom line however is this, if it bothers you, then you need to have a conversation with him about it. Men never, ever get the hints we all drop!