OK, how do I get this kid out of my bed!

[mom2zole]

I'm a huge advocate of co-sleeping. My oldest has slept with us since day 1. DS #2 hated sleeping though so we had a bassinet and then moved him to his crib after a few months. He has always slept better alone which is great for him though a bit sad for me. Anyway, when DS #1 turned 4 we slowly transitioned to his own bed which was just across the hall and he shared a room with his baby brother. He was fine sleeping alone for along time. Then we moved this April, since then he has been coming into our bed every night. He has his own room which is a little farther away than his old room. He's 6 and getting really big and bony. I'm not enjoying it anymore but the few nights I have tried leading him back to his bed, he has freaked out. He even told me he feels like we don't love him anymore. I love before sleep cuddles and morning cuddles but the nights are really taking their toll on both DH and me. I'm not sure how to handle it. We've tried a sleeping bag next to the bed but he feels scared about what might be under our bed. We've tried a cot at the foot of our bed with a brand new Star Wars sleeping bag. We've really cut back TV watching to mostly only on weekends and not anything that could be scary. I've bought homeopathic sleep inducers for kids. Nothing works. I don't think it is as much about being scared as it is feeling displaced. Every book I've found about moving a child to his bed is about toddlers. All the advice I've gotten is the typical cry it out method. I couldn't do it when I had babies and I certainly can't do it now.
Has anyone else had this problem? How do we help him see that our bed is now just for the grown-ups and he belongs in his own bed? He's got stuffed animals, and a body pillow. We've let him help decorate the room. He knows that none of his friends sleep with their parents (and he certainly doesn't want them finding out he still sleeps with his). He's fine playing in there during the day. I've been thinking about moving the cot into his room and whenever he's feeling scared I will go in and lay on the cot so he feels safe, without me being in his bed, until he falls asleep again. I just think he is used to sleeping cuddled next to someone and feels weird sleeping alone. Not that I blame him but he can't sleep with us until he gets married!!
I'm just torn because I understand why he feels sad, but it isn't working for all of us anymore. I've always believed Dr. Sears was right when he said the best sleeping arrangement was the one that everyone got the best sleep with. Well he's sleeping fine but he's the only one!
Any ideas would be hugely appreciated!!!

[Blessed]

Well, when I moved my oldest to his own bed I was a single parent and we only had one real bedroom. I was just acrss the room and he was ready for his own bed (meaning he wanted his own bed). My younger 2, age 2 and 4 sleep with dh and me.

I would try moving the cot into his room and laying down there until he goes to sleep. You might have to actually start in his bed, if there's room, then gradually move the cot towards and out the door.

I got my 4 year old her own special unicorn night light and putting her bed right next to the door to try and get her to sleep in her bed as soon as I get the room straightened up. (The yard light shines on the trees and makes shadows on the window, so I want to make sure she won't be able to see that from laying in her bed.)

I think your on the right track. It's going to be OK!

[guest7]

He will go in his own time. Co-sleeping was encouraged in your home- so to suddenly say NO to this one child- when he needs it most, probably is making him feel badly- hence the freaking out part. Let him sleep with you- endur the six year old body. He will go back when he figures out that it's not reasonable to sleep with his parents anymore. The age of reasoning is around age 7. He'll get the cues from his friends. I doubt he'll go longer than age 7- but maybe just for cuddles now and then.
Hang in there. It's only a short time in light of the many years he'll appreciate you letting him sleep there.

[mom2zole]

We are going on a 15 day vacation in April. I think I'm not going to worry about it until after we get back. He is getting quite independent in other areas of his life, so I'm hoping this will follow in the next few month on its own. I would love it to resolve itself.

[mommymath]

It is so nice to see other co-sleeping families here! Our DS5 loves to be snuggled and held in his sleep (he mutters, "snuggle, pweeze"). We were lucky enough to get a king-sized bed from a friend who was moving, which makes life nice, but the kiddo and doggie still press up against us to keep warm, LOL!

A great co-sleeping book (with ideas about transitioning, too) is "Three in a Bed".

[baxjul]

My daughter is five, and she still sleeps with us once in a while, usually it is only if she has had a bad day, or a bad dream. I love it when she sleeps with me!