How do you handle disagreements with your husband?

**leeleeaub** · 02-01-2006, 04:45 PM

I would like to know how others handle disagreements or misunderstandings with their husbands? I have a very mild temperment and cannot stand upsets. Sometimes it seems I don't know how to handle upsets. I try my best to understand why the upset and then try to talk it out. If it is a larger upset I just give him time to think about it and it works itself out.

**canadian gardener** · 02-01-2006, 05:58 PM

George and I usually have a loud discussion. Sometimes it's really loud.

No throwing anything, no name calling. Ever. That is out of bounds. And no dragging other arguments in.

For us an argument is a way to hear and be heard, to get it all out on the table.

We try to explain why we see something a certain way, and we try to hear why the other one sees it their way and work out a compromise.

Sometimes we agree for him to win, sometimes me.

sometimes we table it till later.

**homesteadmamma** · 02-01-2006, 06:13 PM

I lock myself in the bathroom and do my "loud" talking, stamping my feet and throwing a fit in there.

I much prefer getting the anger out by myself and then having an open discussion with dh.

After almost 38 years, we seldom have many arguments. When we do we often agree to disagree. We are "night and day" when it comes to some things.

We also have a few rules:

~no name calling
~we never speak the words "I want a divorce"
~we never go to bed angry at each other. We always make sure the argument is over before bedtime, even if that means staying up well into the morning.

**pammy** · 02-01-2006, 06:27 PM

With a large skillet upside the head.

No just kidding. We hardly ever argue. My hubby is extremely easy going. The only way he knows when I'm upset is when I really emphasize the closing of the cabinets in the kitchen, then he hops in there to find out what's wrong. Usually we can discuss things rationally. I'm the type to avoid conflict at all costs, I hate conflict, get too upset with conflicts. Physically. Not sure if dh just knows that about me or we just really never have anything to fight about.

On occasion we have 'disagreements'. It's usually about family. I get real emotional about this. Especially when our disagreements come to the detriment for our family harmony. We try to discuss things alone. Dh is the type to be quiet and let me do the discussing. I feel better, and he gets to absorb my feelings. Then we come back and discuss it again later. I don't like being ignored, he doesn't like our arguements to become full fledged fights.

Tough one. We have some unwritten ground rules:
-no ultimatums
-no going to bed angry
-we try to end in agreement, even if we agree to disagree

Hope others come in with how they deal and give you some help with this issue. Good luck!

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-01-2006, 06:37 PM

I am a sucker, so I usually give in unless I really really feel that he needs to realize I am right. We really dont ever argue but we do get loud sometimes and hate to say it.... it's when I am too tired for intimate moments, other than that we never fight, not even over money, kids, etc...

But I agree:
~ No name calling
~ No "I want a divorce" comments
~ No hitting or throwing things
~ No dragging others in the middle

~Tracy~

**baxjul** · 02-01-2006, 08:54 PM

I usually stomp around, muttering to myself, closing cupboards loudly. Then we'll talk about it when he asks.

No name calling
No hitting
No divorce comments

**Jerseygirl** · 02-02-2006, 01:30 PM

I yell, I show him the error of his ways, he apologizes.

**SewCrafty** · 02-02-2006, 01:51 PM

Originally posted by Jerseygirl
I yell, I show him the error of his ways, he apologizes.

Love it Kellie!

Jack and I don't really argue, he hollers a lot, but I usually just ignore him. LOL I KNOW I'm right 99.8% of the time. I do do the under my breath talking though. LOL

**Dixie** · 02-02-2006, 01:53 PM

Originally posted by Jerseygirl
I yell, I show him the error of his ways, he apologizes.

My dh always suggests we need to pray about what's bothering us and let God work it out for us. I've noticed that God helps us to see each others viewpoints and not just our own.
That works much better than throwing things, threatening divorce and name calling, like we did when we were first married.

**paelthom** · 02-02-2006, 02:08 PM

I get mad, stomp alot, give him dirty looks. He mainly ignores me and eventually it's just over. If he ever yells, it is terrible. If I yell, it's just another day. We rarely argue because I know he's going to win and it just defeats the purpose.

**Emerald_Mommy** · 02-02-2006, 03:24 PM

Disagreements? No one here has those!

We've had some heated discussions but no one has ever used the word divorce. Actually most things blow over quickly with us. One of us will make the other laugh and then it's better. I could honestly count on one hand the REALLY big arguments. We spend most of our days talking to each other so there's not a lot that comes up that we disagree about. I'm honestly the loudest of the two of us but he's more obtuse, so sometimes I have to be loud so he'll notice something's wrong.

**MandiDawn** · 02-03-2006, 11:23 PM

In 7 years of dating, I can't remember a single time Bf ever got mad at me. (yes, he really is a saint

).
When I get mad at him, if he knows he's wrong, he makes me laugh. If I'm wrong, I stomp off then come back later to snuggle and make up.

But really, we dont' argue very often at all.

**Mamaw** · 02-05-2006, 12:15 PM

It depends on just how serious the disagreement is! Most of the things we used to argue about in our younger days would not even be on our radar today. But we tend to state our positions ( sometimes loudly) and sometimes go to bed angry ( not often) Most of the times it just is not worth arguing about. Things in my household are pretty calm most of the time. You might even say....boring.....

**HOOAH2003** · 02-06-2006, 02:06 PM

we are tooo loud and need to work on anger...I tend to throw things and so does he.

**Darlene** · 02-06-2006, 02:45 PM

Early in our marriage we had some doozies and I had to teach him how to resolve problems. He always just walked away from problems. That may work if you are mad at some establishment like Sears but it doesn't work with people you propose to love and care about forever. If he gets mad now I'll usually change the subject or try to get him to see what I think he's missing. If he won't see reasoning he'll go to bed mad & he's usually calm and sheepish the next day, knowing that maybe he blew things out of porportion.
I rarely get mad but if it's important enough I'll tell him outright that he hurt my feelings or whatever & have even left a note a time or two.