Just Don't Care

**SAHMWannaBe** · 02-14-2006, 01:58 PM

I am new here, but have already "fallen in love" with the website. I thought I'd jump on out and post me a thread (listen to that lingo!).

Seriously, I have a question. I will be married a year this weekend. My husband has 3 girls, the youngest (12) lives with us. Last semester was spent battling her to turn her homework in. Now she is turning her homework in but is still failing (due to lack of effort. (she got a 25% on her last test that was worth 200 points). Her dad and I are at wits end and do not know what to do. Please experienced moms and grammas help!

Mel

**Missy** · 02-14-2006, 02:05 PM

i don't know what to tell ya. Wish you the best of luck though.

I had a thought, maybe you might look into getting her to see the school councellor or school peer councellors?? Sometimes kids poor scholastic progress is due to stress or frustration. Sometimes they are uncomfortable opening up at home and are willing to open up to "outsiders". I was that way. So maybe it might be worth a shot.

**KimSecret** · 02-14-2006, 02:09 PM

Ahhh...the joys of being a parent to pre-teens

I know this all too well. My Dd is 12 and my Ds is 10.5.
Olivia has gone through the same things (as well as Ethan.) We just found out that Olivia suffers from ADD, but Ethan is very intellegant, but still suffers from not-so-good grades, due to the fact that he rushing through to get finished so that he can "doodle" around. Just keep a firm eye on her...make sure you ask to see her homework and make sure she goes back over it to check. My kids hate to study, but we will make them do it and then give them an oral quiz...it does seem to help.
Sorry I cant be of more help, but I wish you lots of luck b/c parenting pre-teens is a tough job! ((BIG HUGS))

BTW: Early Happy Anniversary!

**SAHMWannaBe** · 02-14-2006, 02:31 PM

thank you! The problem I'm having is I"m doing all that. She does her home-work and I check it over. Where her grades are slipping are in class where she flies through her work, not concretrating. How do I control it when I'm not there?

Mel

**Dedlered** · 02-14-2006, 02:33 PM

I don't let my ds do anything else until his homework is complete and checked.. (he loves the computer, tv and anything else that will help him to procrastinate)

**SAHMWannaBe** · 02-14-2006, 02:40 PM

If your ds turns in his work, but is not doing his in-class work then what do you do?

Mel

**alabamagirl** · 02-14-2006, 03:13 PM

Y'all my think I am horrible BUT I once had this problem with Jacob - not doing his in-class work, talking in class, etc. I warned him the next time he did it I was going to class with him.

Sure enough, his teacher let me know that he still was not doing right in class. So I took a day off work, pulled up a desk next to his, and spent the better part of a day sitting in the classroom with him. He was mighty embarrassed! LOL.

It worked. I never had another problem.

**SAHMWannaBe** · 02-14-2006, 03:20 PM

Hmmm, her dad has threatened to do this and he has days built up. Maybe he needs to take off tomorrow and join her in her classes. Sounds like a great idea to me. Since I teach at her school it's next to impossible for me to do this.

Mel

LOL, maybe I should have him wear his overalls and leave his teeth (he lost his fronts ones in a tractor accident a couple of years ago) at home....see if that would help her!

**leeleeaub** · 02-14-2006, 03:40 PM

If you don't mind doing it offer reward for doing homework and making good grades. The homework part could be something as simple as an hour or two of t.v. the grades could be money or something he/she has been wanting. A lot of times this is all it takes to get the incentive going.

**alabamagirl** · 02-14-2006, 03:52 PM

Too funny Mel!

My best friend's sister is a high school guidance counselor and she did it with her son and I thoughtit was a great idea.

It wasn't fun for EITHER of us at the time but it's funny looking back on it.

**SAHMWannaBe** · 02-14-2006, 03:58 PM

I'm not too proud to bribe, and I've tried it. Unfortunately her desire to goof off is stronger than her want of money or stuff. Maybe if I completely ground her then award her with an hour of tv per good grade....something like that might work.

Mel

**pita1213** · 02-14-2006, 05:49 PM

i'd try taking away all of her priviledges and she has to earn them back by doing better in school. if she has a tv in her room, take it out. computer in there? take it out too. no tv. whatever she has in your house you deem to be a priviledge. as she does better, she can earn some of them back starting withthe smaller priviledges.

ds is 10 and we had to do that with him. he got his gameboy taken away and no playstation either. after a week and a half, he straightened himself out

might help if you do both, your dh going to school with her and taking away priviledges.

the school counselor might have some ideas as well.

**inneedofhope** · 02-14-2006, 07:43 PM

Remember that 12 year olds have a lot of hormonal changes going on that can really affect their behavior. Also, you are the step parent, and sometimes kids that age do some rejecting of authority imposed by the step parent. It can really help to keep the bio parent in the drivers seat with imposing consequences. Also, you might want to rule out any possible learning issues she may have, is there anything going on with her at school or in the classroom that is affecting her ability to do her work?
Talking with her about the problem and asking her to help come up with a plan to correct it would be a good place to start. You can agree on some consequences for poor grades ahead of time, be very specific, and follow through, so she knows exactly what to expect.
I agree that it would be wise to talk with her school counseling and her teacher to get some input into what they are seeing (since the problem behavior is happening on their time).

**SAHMWannaBe** · 02-15-2006, 09:10 AM

I have spoken with both the counselor and her teachers. They say that her behavior is wonderful, but she doesn't seem to want to do the work...lazy.
DH and I spoke with her last night (as she got ANOTHER "F" on a test) and she has lost all her priviledges. She may earn "time off" from grounding for good grades brought home.
Also, when she is not studying she will be doing chores (dishes, dusting, laundry...) however, if she does not want to do the chores then she may study....so she can choose.
He told her that one more bad grade and he will spend the day shadowing her. She did not like that thought.

mel

**justmeD** · 02-15-2006, 09:28 AM

How about tutoring? Or if the work is coming too easy, how can the teacher challenge her? I feel for you. I have NO idea what I'd do in this situation.