Son coming home soon and ...

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-15-2006, 09:54 AM

My son was put in a juvenille detetion center for doing some dumb things like getting in a fight (was put on probation), giving one of his perscription drugs to a friend, etc...

He was put there back in May (he ran away on Mothers Day

) and shortly after that he was picked up by the cops and placed in a detetion center, well he will be coming home soon and although I am SO HAPPY

that he's coming home, I am worried he will act out again.

Problem is he doesn't get along with my hubby cause he's really strict and sometimes I agree with his actions and sometimes I dont, most times I am placed in the middle and I dont like it at all.

Has anyone ever had this problem? If so, how did you deal with it?

~Tracy~

**pkellyc** · 02-15-2006, 12:09 PM

I have not had this problem and I am so sorry that you are going through it. I do have a sister with a 16 year old step daughter that keeps running away. They are going to family counseling and trying to work on things. It's taking a while buy my sister claims that it is helping. Her dh is also hard on the kids. A tough position to be in for you and your son I do hope all goes well for your family.

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-15-2006, 12:16 PM

Thank you! I sure hope things will be ok, right now he is 2.5 hours away and I only get to see him once every 2 weeks, next week is family visits so I will be bringing the entire family.

I hope it goes well, I do notice a change in him when I am there but ... home life is totally different.

~Tracy~

**KimSecret** · 02-15-2006, 03:15 PM

I'm happy for you that your son will be coming home,Tracy, but Im sorry that you will have another problem to deal with.
Maybe you could have a little talk with your son at the next family meeting and maybe go over some ground rules and kinda refresh his memory on behavior,etc. Im sorry Im not more help, but Ive never had to deal with anything like this.
(((BIG HUGS 2U)))

**Pepper** · 02-15-2006, 08:48 PM

Well, I have never had to deal with this, obviously, but I was a runaway and problem child as a kid. I was put in group homes, foster homes and detention centers. Yes, I absolutely hated it but was so angry I was there that I wouldn't let on how much I hated it, "It was just a thing" is how I made it out. Really stupid, huh?

I don't know what "made" me realize what I was doing, while hurthing those involved, was hurting me the worst. But I do know that I never forgot those who stood by me and supported me with their "tough love". It made me who I am today. I really think communication is the key in this instance. Maybe, when he comes home, you and dh can sit down with him, reset the ground rules and let him no that no matter what that you love him, but he will have to pay for his actions if he decides not to follow the rules. Also, let him tell you how he felt while in the detention center, was their things he liked? What made him like it? Is this something you could also be doing at home? What didn't he like? Why didn't he like it?

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-15-2006, 08:58 PM

I think I will do just that, I have to make a list of expectations and what I expect of him when he comes home and bring it with me next Sunday so that will help a bit.

Everyone is excited that he's coming home, he's been gone since May 8th 2005.

~Tracy~

**PrairieRose** · 02-16-2006, 01:06 PM

Tracy I haven't personally had this problem but I'm friends with several people who have had similar problems. Is your dh your son's father? I ask this b/c I see that you said "he doesn't get along with your dh" and not "his father". I'm thinking that maybe if your dh is somewhat strict I'm sure your' son rationalizes that dh is harder on him (whether it be well deserved or not) than he is the other kids. Would it be possible for you to be the disciplinarian where your son is concerned, asking dh to let you handle him? If this was a possibility and you talked to your son at the beginning of his return home about this.....I'm just thinking it might avert some of the friction that is probably there. I'm thinking of a friend's situation that was much like what you describe and her child wasn't the dh's. She and the child always felt as if things weren't quite fair....and I don't know if they were or not. But the important thing is to be united in your decisions.....and that's the hardest part of all.

If you want to talk more about this pm me

**Mom23boys** · 02-18-2006, 11:20 AM

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-18-2006, 11:33 AM

That is a great idea about me diciplining my son without hubby, I can try it and see how it goes...

I just want everyone to get along, I know that might be asking for a miracle BUT it can happen.

Thanks for your support AND hugs!