Question and Thoughts

**leeleeaub** · 02-23-2006, 11:28 PM

My husband called tonight he is truely sick of his job due to all the travel. He has applied to a lot of other jobs in this area. He did this only this past weekend.
Anyway out of the blue he mentioned moving somewhere else for better work. He doesn't even have any idea where. I tried to tell him I like it here. He said how do you even know you like it there you haven't met anyone.
My whole life before this I lived within 10 miles of the same place.
I love stability
Do you all think it wrong if I explain this to him and tell him finding something better just takes time not moving?
I really don't know how to handle this.
I try very hard to be a submissive wife but to just come up out of the blue and talk about us moving.
I told him that it would be expensive to move and that I don't think we are going to find somewhere else with the lights and gas this cheap.
On top of all that we came here with nothing so moving here wasn't costly, but, now we have stuff and it would cost to move it.
We also have a year lease here as well.
Anyway any input on this I would be very greatful for.
Thanks

**pita1213** · 02-24-2006, 06:34 PM

what is it going to cost you to break your lease? if it is a large amount, that might help him see that a little more thought needs to go into things before just uprooting and moving somewhere else.
i would explain your feelings to him, afterall they are valid feelings and he should hear them. then the two of you should come up with a plan about what y'all are going to do. if he's only put out his resume this past weekend, he's got to give potential employeers a little time to review it before giving up.
if he really seems set on moving, he should try looking on monster.com or one of the other job sites and see what is out there and look for a job that way. one of those sites has a few different calculators on them to help figure out moving costs, cost of living and other things y'all would need to figure out before taking the plunge on a new job and new city.
the more you can plan a job change and possible move teh better, but you both need to sit down and talk about it to get on teh same page.

**FrugalMomof3** · 02-24-2006, 06:38 PM

I agree, talk to him and tell him about the breaking of the lease, that might cost you a bundle UNLESS you have a very nice and understanding landlord.

He may be saying all this because he is just fustrated at the moment. It might be better for him to find better work but instead of moving tell him to find one maybe not in the general area but somewhere not too far from home. His job doesn't have to be around the corner is what I mean, he can try the next city/town over and see what happens.

**madhen** · 02-24-2006, 06:48 PM

I am not married, but I have had the same partner for about eighteen years. I don't think it is fair to the relationship for you to be a "submissive" wife. Marriage, or any long-term relationship, is a partnership. Neither of you should be the one who calls all the shots, and neither of you should make a life-changing decision without the other's agreement.

That said, it sounds like a lot of what he is saying is from frustration (given your other post about breakers), and maybe he will change his mind when things calm down a bit. If nothing else, maybe he'll agree that he should wait to make such sweeping decisions until your lease is close to ending, so you don't end up losing money in the deal.

I've had to move for my job on several occasions (and also go TDY for months at a time). It is VERY stressful, and that was knowing I had a job to go to when I got to my new location! Finding a new home is hard, and expensive, and then you have to figure out where everything is, from grocery stores to gas stations. You have to learn streets and highways all over again Overall, it isn't an experience I recommend.

**Sara Noel** · 02-24-2006, 07:01 PM

We relocated from a city I had lived in almost my entire life for Gabe's job here in MI. It was a huge adjustment. I would never have moved if he hadn't secured the job prior to moving.

Even with a job opportunity that improved our lives, it was still a huge adjustment for me. I left everything that was familiar to me and many friends and networking contacts for my career. His job even paid for everything. They even paid an apartment, cleaning service, and meals for us for 3 mos. while we acclimated and it still was the pits for me.

I think I cried an ocean when I moved here.

Anyway, what I'm saying is no way would I just up and move to look for work. Very different than having a job to move to.

I think it also depends on where.

**HOOAH2003** · 02-26-2006, 12:12 PM

Well moving for us is normal since dh is in the military but if he would be happier why make him suffer in a job that makes him miserable. If he can get a job in another town where he would actually be happy why make him stay? Marriage to me is about giving and taking.

**Telephus44** · 02-26-2006, 09:44 PM

Right before we got married, DH was offered a generous severance/layoff package, or the choice to keep his job an relocate to Colorado. I really had NO desire to move to Colorado but I agreed to give it a shot with the condition that if we weren't back in Massachusetts after 5 years (and I made him pin down an exact date - Sept. 12 2008 - so he couldn't say that it was "just a little longer) that I would be moving back without him. I was incredibly homesick and I honestly feel that other than strengthening our marriage (when you're newlywed and know no one else for the next 1900 miles or so, you spend a lot of time with each other) I feel it was a whole year wasted. It set me back a year on my career path, and it set us back a whole year in our debt reduction plan. Fortunately, after a year my DH hated his job and it was his idea to return home. Even though it would have been a lot more financially advantageous to stay another three months, I was so fed up with being so far from home we moved back as soon as we could get out of the lease (30 day notice).

If I were you - I'd be hoping that it was more of a general griping about his job. If he's serious - I'd definetly let him know how you feel about being dragged along (and I also agree with the above comments that you shouldn't be the "submissive" wife).