"Hip" tweens vs "Innocent" tweens

**Early Bird** · 03-11-2006, 12:34 AM

My almost-10-year old is a joy:

She likes toys. She often tells me, "I love you." She laughs easily, and she enjoys KID things. Tea parties are big on her list of great-stuff. Rock and roll is not.

Unfortunately, I'm having trouble finding friends for her. So many of that age group are 'hip' and 'edgy.' They're teenage wannabees. Even the ones we meet at church.

Right now, she knows ONE girl who will come and play Playmobil with her. There are one or two boys that she plays nicely with. But I figure that the boys' interests will diverge at some point.

How do I find friends for this kid? I LOVE her innocence -- and I don't want to see her turn into a teen wannabee just to have friends.

But she'd like more of a social life too.

**************************

p.s. My almost-12 yr old is the social butterfly -- In the last week, she has had friends over twice for dinner; she's been on one sleepover; and 2 girl scout activities.

Different kids; different personalities.

**frugalandsimple** · 03-11-2006, 05:37 AM

At 10, I was was one of those "innocent tweens". I was still playing with dolls.

**Darlene** · 03-11-2006, 06:47 AM

My first thought is some kind of sport or club like scouting. Seems like kids are growing up faster & faster. My niece who is a little younger (8) is still having a blast playing with Polly Pockets but is very fashion conscious...too fashion conscious.

It really is amazing how kids can be so different, I mean they grow up in the same household with the same parents but sometimes they are like night & day, lol.

**Early Bird** · 03-11-2006, 07:01 AM

Part of the catalyst for this question is that the girl scout troop is all getting waaay ahead of her in 'maturity. ' Two of the girls that I thought could become her friends have become 'hip' and 'edgy.'

Cliques are forming, and DD is not a cliquish kid. I spoke to the leaders, but I'm not sure anything will ever change.

**FrugalMomof3** · 03-11-2006, 07:25 AM

My daughter is the same way, she's very innocent and I really want her to stay that way.

I have her in Girl Scouts and she only plays really with 1 girl that I now that is a very nice girl, same like my daughter.

**YankeeMom** · 03-11-2006, 07:55 AM

My 11 yr old is the same way as your almost 10yr old. She would rather play with her Pokemon cards and Gamecube (which is strictly limited) than be in the "in crowd". She could care less about what clothes are popular, who's in what magazines, etc. She's interested in music, but not the way these "hip" tweens are. She's not all atwitter over boy bands for their cuteness, she likes music for listening to.

She has found one friend who is just like her. They are inseperable, and from what I have gathered from talking to them both and the teacher, they are the only two of their kind. The rest of them are all too eager to be "mature" and older. Her teacher thinks it's the greatest thing that she goes to the beat of her own drum and could care less that her peers think it's "baby-ish".

What about other clubs besides Girl Scouts? We tried GS with my 11yo. She did not enjoy it. Too many activities doing things she just did not enjoy, too much time spent sitting around a table "gossiping", etc. She would really like to join the zoo club, and as soon as we are back on our feet financially, she will.

Or maybe find a group (girl scouts, whatever) that is in a slightly younger age group?

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 03-11-2006, 08:12 AM

my dd is 11yrs old & she is pretty mature for her age. my neighbor girl id 10yrs old & her & my dd are best friends. it just cracks me up because my dd & the nieghbor girl are totally opposite. my neighbor girl likes to play with polly pockets, and all that girlly stuff, well my daughter would rather watch tv, or play on the computer. last night my neighbor girl stayed the night & they both compromised on what they wanted to do. they played polly pockets for a little bit, then they played ont he computer. my daughter wasn't happy about playing polly pockets (lol) but thats her best friend & she didn't want to upset her in any way. hopefully your daughter will find some friends who are good for her. good luck

**Emerald_Mommy** · 03-11-2006, 10:36 AM

I've heard American Heritage girls is a good alternative to Girl Scouts but I really don't know much about them.

Maybe some slightly younger girls might enjoy playing with her and she could be a nice role model for them?

I hope something presents itself for her!

**FrugalMomof3** · 03-11-2006, 12:44 PM

Oops, I forgot to mention my daughter is 10 (you probably saw that from my siggy).

She loves computers, reading, going to the library, playing barbies and bratz and board games. She goes to Girl Scouts on Wednesday nights from 6-8pm and after school on maybe 2-3 days a week she plays with her friend from 5-7pm (she has to be in at 7pm).

She's happy and content with her life I guess so far as she never complains and she loves spending time with me too, doing each other's hair, etc... She told me today "Mommy, I have a secret to tell you, your fun to hang out with!" I just had a BIG smile on my face.

**Laurie in Bradenton** · 03-11-2006, 01:23 PM

Well I've got the 12 year old going on 18. She is the local skate queen and social icon at school. Teacher told me "If Charlotte came to school with her clothes on inside out and backwards half the school would dress that way the next day." But she also said that Charlotte is kind and will stick up for the underdog. So I guess I've done something right. She's is an A/B student with no behavior problems. She can find common ground with both girls and boys younger and older than her. We remind her with regularity that its important to be beautiful inside as well as outside to keep things in balance with clothes and such. When we have varying age groups here at the house after school which is very, very often I try to encourage art projects. Drawing, coloring and painting it allows for plenty of self expression and imagination. Since she has to live in a grown up world I try not to keep her too young and since we also live in a very dangerous world I try to prepare her for situations when I'm not around. I'm here Mom first and her Friend second.

Laurie in Bradenton

**KimSecret** · 03-11-2006, 03:27 PM

Wow...that is my DD as well. Olivia is 12 1/2 and has trouble finding girls her age to "play" with. Most of them around here are into rock music, boys, makeup and they want to act like theyre 21.
My Dd plays mostly with a few younger girls. Right now she has her friend,Madelyn (age 8 I think) here and they are doing scrapbooks and playing Barbie dolls.
I want Olivia to stay sweet & innocent, but I hate that the other girls her age make her feel like a "weirdo" b/c she doesnt want to act like a 21 yr old.

**Early Bird** · 03-11-2006, 03:56 PM

The funny thing is that my older DD (12 going on 15!) is the exact opposite of DD#2. All along, I've felt my older one 'straining at the leash' for more independence -- and all the silliness that comes with the teen years. Boys, crushes, magazines, movies, music -- they're where her heart is.

I'm not eager for DD#2 to rush into those topics. And her heart seems to be much younger too.

**amysh** · 03-13-2006, 12:03 PM

My ten year old daughter is also not one of those mature kids, but it has been hard on her to lose friends who have zoomed ahead on the social scale, even though she KNOWS that they are no longer interested in the same things. It's harder because a lot of these girls are in the same Girl Scout troop with her, and while they aren't mean to her, they don't include her (or she doesn't want to be included) in the groups (cliques?!) they get into during the 'social' part of their GS meetings.

She really only has two good friends. One of her friends told her mother: I like girl things, but I don't like woman things yet.

I don't know whether middle school (next year) will make this better (more kids, so more potential kids with the same interests as hers) or worse (cliques, gossiping, general meanness.) I'm hoping for the former.

Amy

**midwestgal** · 03-15-2006, 02:13 PM

Our girls were very involved in softball for years when they were growing up. It's a good outlet for girls. It's all about practice, physical activity, games and tournaments. They met many nice friends through this activity, and it was a wonderful way for families to meet each other too.

**Renee-2kids** · 03-15-2006, 03:41 PM

Do you know any kids who are homeschooled? I met a yahoo group who does and their kids are more playful, creative, and "sheltered" from things like MTV.