Discussing Suicide

**freedeal** · 03-26-2006, 08:43 AM

My 14 yo son's friend committed suicide. My son still declares that it was an accident. They were both in the same advanced academic program until this young boy had to leave to be homeschooled a few weeks ago.

He and my son and a couple of other boys would meet at the YMCA to play basketball several days a week. All my son could say was we played basketball two days ago.

He won't really talk much about it. He has pretty much stayed in his room all weekend coming out to get food. I have been in tears all weekend. Just can't stop thinking about this.

I couldn't even make it to church this morning. Can't stop crying long enough.

Have any of you had to discuss this with teenage children?

**Darlene** · 03-26-2006, 09:13 AM

I'm so sorry. Suicide leaves the people behind with so many unanswered questions,many many what if's & why's.
Why didn't they ask me for help? Was their something I could/should have done?
You are mad, sad and hurt.
Suicide has touched my life too many times, the closest being my mother and my little sister. When my sister committed suicide a couple years ago my kids were upset and worried that I might or they might be predisposed to this. We talked.
Just being with his other friends(and not alone in his room) will be so helpful to him now. He needs you to be strong & help him grieve and find some peace with this. One thing that can be very helpful is to make a memory board or book. With pictures and notes and little things that they remember about their friend put on/in it. While they put it together, Lots of tears & even laughter and stories are shared and really help heal. Yes he's gone but he will live on in all of the family and friends who knew & loved him.
I guess the first thing I'd do is try and get your sons friends all together and let them talk. They all need each other right now. Sounds like you need someone to talk to too.

**Darlene** · 03-26-2006, 09:23 AM

Want to add please feel free to pm me if you want to talk some more.

**Renee-2kids** · 03-26-2006, 05:16 PM

I agree with getting friends together. Also letting them know that everyone grieves in their own way. Everyone had a different relationship with the friend and everyone will grieve differently. Tell him that you are struggling for answers too.

Tell him that if something like that ever happened to him that you, your family, and the world would not be better off. Dying doesn't make anything better. That you need him in your family. (A friend of mine who had been depressed and sucidal told me much later she truly believed her children would be better without her. She felt that horrible about herself.)

(((hugs)))

**joyb** · 03-27-2006, 01:10 AM

Please, get your son to talk about this. If not to you, to friends, a pastor, a doctor. This one thing I know, he NEEDS to talk about it.

**Julia Kimber** · 03-27-2006, 02:43 AM

That is so terribly sad.

Julia

**freedeal** · 03-27-2006, 08:13 AM

Thanks for all the support. We have more information and it looks like he was playing "the choking game" so it was an accident. That doesn't make it easier just a little more explainable.

My son knew some of the kids were doing this and I think in some ways he feels a little guilty for not telling anyone. I couldn't really understand but several months ago he quit going over to his friends houses. They would come here or he would meet them at the Y. My husband and I talked about it because it seemed a little strange to us. Then we found out a couple of the boys were doing "stupid things" and figured DS just didn't want to be around when they got into trouble.

I didn't realize the extent of this game or the popularity of it. It seems that LOTS of kids around the country are doing it. Talk to you kids about the dangers. We are all still very much in shock.

Please keep us all in your prayers.

**Vannie** · 03-27-2006, 08:36 AM

I am so sad for you all. I could not help crying when I read your posts. I will you all in my prayers.

**Renee-2kids** · 03-27-2006, 11:12 AM

I saw an Oprah show about the choking game. So sad!

**Telephus44** · 04-02-2006, 02:32 PM

There was an article in the last issue of 17 Magazine about "the choking game." I hadn't heard of it, but I was glad it was published in a major magazine that young people read.

**Pepper** · 04-02-2006, 02:48 PM

OMGoodness...Your family will be kept in my thoughts and prayers. I have never heard of the "choking game" and will have to find out more about it. I'm so sorry for your son's loss of his friend!

**baxjul** · 04-04-2006, 10:46 AM

I've never heard of the choking game, I better find more information.

Sending good thoughts for you and your family!

**pip** · 04-04-2006, 11:42 AM

I've heard about the choking game. It's really scary. I think kids often don't really think that things can affect them, they're above getting hurt or dying. I pray for my kids daily that they'll be safe until they reach the age of reason, whenever that is. I am so sorry to hear about your son's friend.

**freedeal** · 04-07-2006, 08:23 PM

Thanks for all the prayers and PMs. My son and his friends are doing well. They finally went back to the YMCA last night. First time since he friend died a couple of weeks ago.