Will she get it through her head?

**sunnysideup** · 04-29-2006, 12:10 AM

About a year ago DH and I had a falling out with his mother and stepfather. We really wanted some time away from them, and cut contact for months. I'm not really sure how we starting talking with them again, but somehow we did. Things didn't get better. The whole time I've known DH, he hasn't wanted really anything to do with his mother and I'm the one who pushed the idea that we should keep trying to have a relationship...until I got caught in her crossfire a few months ago. I don't want to go into detail, its a long story. But we have cut contact with them for good. We don't want anything to do with them anymore because it is a bad relationship that we don't want to expose our children too. I know it wouldn't have gotten better.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? How do you keep someone away that doesn't want to stay away, because I know she will try and wiggle her way back in somehow in the future.

**summer breeze** · 04-29-2006, 01:31 AM

I had a falling out with my family several years ago and I cut the cords( so to speak) by moving to a different town and getting a cell phone that only people I trust have the number too.

Just recently I have seen my family, at a funeral and a wedding. The old threats and control issues were still there, so I know I will only be around for special occasions if we are lucky enough to be invited.

Dh family has never liked me and he has recently had a falling out with them. So we have each other and a few close relatives we know we can trust and count on in an emergency.

Although our families know how to get ahold of us,wether it be by mail or the ones we can trust they have chosen to stay away as well.

these are just the ways we have handled our families.

**Nada.Leona** · 04-29-2006, 08:24 AM

I'm sorry, and I hope this doesn't sound like bragging, but besides one big fight with my brother -- he thought he could control me and I stood up to him, which really peeved him off -- I have had a pretty good relationship with my family, which is amazing, considering my husband didn't like my family and we pretty much cut them off when I was with him. So to be honest, I really have no advice for you. Since I left my husband, his family have it out for me, but there are medical issues at hand that are more the cause of that then anything.

Anyway, all I can say is, if they're bringing in negative energies into your life, than it's just as well you're not around them. It's not fair for them to polute your good and happy life with their negativity. Let them wallow in it in their own place. Keep your distance and if they try to contact you, both you and your DH make it very VERY clear that you will not have anything to do with them unless they agree to not get into this or that topic.

Be strong, you don't want your children raised in negativity.

**northernmom2boys** · 04-29-2006, 09:33 AM

Oh Lord do I relate to thisu one
My mil is the sort of person who is as sweet as pie tp me in front of dh but alone she will make these comments that just make you shake your head.Last year she just stopped talking to us so Iasked her why.Well she let me have it,said she didnt feel she could ask her son for anything because if stuff that was said.Comments I think she maed up in her head.Anyway we didnt speak for almost a year and then I made the peace for the sake of my children.I was always the one who pushed dh to have relationshp with his mother(his parents are divorced)Her relationship with all her children is just plain disfunctional.Before my post becomes a novel I apologized(for something I never did) But everytime we are near her I can still hear her saying those hateful things to me.Dh said he supports me either way if we are talking to her or not.
I just want to say If you have done nothing dont apologize just for the sake of it,I feel like I let myself down my doing this .
Michelle

**miss_thrifty** · 04-29-2006, 09:57 AM

Oh yeah I can realte, big time.

My mother inlaw for years wouldn't stop butting in me and huubys life. "Telling howcome you dont keep up your dishes, I llove to do dishes." or Why don't u go out and work, poor Roger has to do it ALL ATTITUDE. Well she shuts up now and we finally made the move from her and my family last year. It's a 45 minute drive form them all. Thank the LOrd. My shattered nerves. lol
Things wern'yt always good in my family either. My sister I know for a fact is either A manic depressive or jus plain psychotic/with schitzphrenia trends. I'm not making fun of her, don't get me wrong. Just my family won't see whats wrong with her or tell her to get checked , and pass everything under rug. She likes to what I call "torture" me on daily bases including mom and dad. If she sees us happy , she aint happy. She's always miserable and brings everyone else down. No matter what we did for her, it wasn't good enough, and she took, and took never gave back.Won't help herslef. She's on assiatance right now, says she can't work, on depresion piils and I know she's brillant, she could be accountant. Math is her favourite thing. She just doesn't want to help herself right now, and she will never be ready.
My parenst used me and my husband really bad, We bought their old house, the one I grew up in, 6 years ago. Rent to own, but after 2 weeks being there it started to go down hill. He wanted more money, he made excuses why $50 more a month. lawyer told him. I found out when I decide to sell house I was paying the lawyer fees and all land taxes, land wasn't seperated till I went o sell it, had to get seperated and appraised.We had house for almost 6 years.

My father lied to me and hubby, used us bad, and went money crazy, but I wa stupid , should of gotten papers signed from day one, just trusted him, he was my dad i thought, I should. yeah right.
So between my sister and parents I couldn't wait to leave.
Sorry I wrote too much. Just venting lol

**Darlene** · 04-29-2006, 11:17 AM

I only have people in my life that bring me joy and are kind and thoughtful. It's not saying that all my relatives are my favorite people but we respect one another and are cordial to one another.
The bad eggs are too much stress, high maintanence and are left to fend for themselves without me. Not too many people in that catagory but without them in my life I am oh so happy & content. If they were to try to "worm" their way back I know I can say~ "Sorry, no thanks. I'm happy just the way things are, have a lovely day". I'd then go back to living in my happy bubble filled with people who make me feel loved & cared about.

**suzysaver** · 04-29-2006, 01:20 PM

I understand, I do not get along with my mother in-law at all. My husband has battled very low self asteam from her verbal abuse and mixed up ways. I tried to get along with her for about the first year we were married. My husband still has a relationship with her and goes to his family gatherings, I will not subject myself to her. She has bad mouthed me to the rest of the family. I have enough issues with my own self asteam and do not want to waste my time with negative people. She has told my husband that she wants to come and stay with us for a weekend this summer, I have told my husband I do not want that woman in my house..........."How can he tell her no" ?

**crisp** · 04-29-2006, 01:27 PM

when my husband and I got married my mother in law did not speak to us for 10 years because he had married that woman , as soon as she needed something she was straight on the phone .over the years 25 of them we have tolerated each other she has allways treated my sister in laws children different to mine even when my daughter had cancer she saw her only twice .It is easier now she is in england and we are in France but I think it is her who has lost out, my daughter would have been a loving grandaughter the other grandchildren that she made such a fuss over dont want to be bothered with her .and despite all her dire predictions our marriage tuned out allright.

**miss_thrifty** · 04-29-2006, 08:01 PM

I forgot to say before we moved , I stopped talking to my family 1year before and it was hard(heart breaking). I almost had nervous break down. Butin long run, I am doing fine and happy with my life. Stress free, and making my health and my childrens life healthy and normal as we can be. My soul couldn't handle it anymore. Now I'm healing slowly but I'm at least on feet.