i could just smack my sister!!!!!!!!!

MOMMYDEAREST · 08-16-2006, 11:43 AM

ok i'm super ticked off right now. not only am i ticked but i'm very upset!! my sister just called me & told me she was pregnant. not sure if any of you remember but about 8mths ago i had custody of her 1st child because she was in jail (her & her baby's dad got busted with cocaine in the car, but my sister got her baby back when she got out of jail). my niece's father just got sentenced to 15 years in prison. well my sister gets sentenced for all her stuff september 6th. the lawyer said she will probably only get 4-5 years probabtion since this is her 1st offense!!!! so now she's pregnant by this guy she has been with for 5 mths. shes on welfare for my niece, no job, no drivers licenses, no car, about to loose her apartment because she hasn't paid rent, and about to get sentenced on septemebr 6th. when she told me, i just told her i can't accept this right now, and i'll call you back when all of this sinks in, i told her i might call her back tomorrow or in 6mths. i am all my sisters has, we are really really close!!! but my hearts just rbeaks right now, and i'm not sure how to handle all of this. any comments or suggestions would be great!! thanks again ladies.

babetteq · 08-16-2006, 11:52 AM

Wow. Tough one. It's so hard to watch someone you love keep screwing up and bringing more kids into the world. As far as advice..... I can't think of any. Your part will be whatever you feel you must/should/are willing/can do. It's totally a personal thing that has more to do with your relationship and history with your sister than anything. You seem like a sensible woman, so I imagine that you will make a sensible choice - whether other people agree with you or not.

Chin up and stay strong in yourself.

babs

babetteq · 08-16-2006, 11:53 AM

.....ps: maybe smacking her would help?

just jokin' but I can understand the temptation

missymomof3 · 08-16-2006, 12:19 PM

I'm sorry Angie! That's alot to deal with!

frugalfarmwife · 08-16-2006, 12:34 PM

Tell you what, I'll hold her for you!!!!

I am SO sorry you're having to deal with this, how upsetting this has got to be! Just remember your husband and children are YOUR family now, do what you can for her but DO NOT let it effect your home life!

Hugs, come vent here as much as you'd like!

And my heart just breaks for her child and the one on the way, this is NOT fair to the children!!!

kj

bumplett · 08-16-2006, 12:45 PM

I agree with ffw ~ you can only do what you can do, but don't let it affect YOUR family ~ your sister made her own choices, as much as you disagree with those choices, YOU are not at fault.

Good Luck!

LastDragonfly · 08-16-2006, 01:01 PM

I am so sorry she dropped this bombshell on you! I agree with the others. Try not to let this affect your family too much. Of course it will affect your family, but I'm not quite sure what your sister wants from you....to clean up her mess? Pick up the pieces?

Did she want you to congratulate her on having another baby?

I know you love her dearly, but maybe she needs to clean up her mess by herself this time.

Hard words I know and the harshness is not intended for you, but for her for hurting you and not to mention her children.

We will support you!

Amanda W · 08-16-2006, 01:43 PM

I've had a very similar situation with my sister. I was making myself physically sick worrying about her problems, so I finally just gave up and didn't have a relationship with her for several years. She has finally got her act together and is married to a great guy, and we are slowly getting closer again.

As much as you want to help your sister and her children, there's really very little you can do about it. If she wants to change her life, she's the one who has to start making good decisions.

So sorry you're being put through this.

betharoo0 · 08-16-2006, 02:03 PM

When I read your post Frugalfarmwife said exactly what I was thinking. Your family comes first. That means consider your husbands input too. I learned from experience with what I call "my toxic family" I was always trying to save them, but in the end they were their own worst enemy, and I was a mess emotionally,mentally, and physically. I finally accepted I could not help these people and now I have very little contact with my family. Sad I know but its what best for MY FAMILY.
And to think Iam the youngest of 8 children and my bros. and sis. are the ones who need to get it together!
(((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
I know how you feel

AmyBoz · 08-16-2006, 02:34 PM

Sorry to hear about this. It's hard to watch the people you love make poor decisions.

Laurie in Bradenton · 08-16-2006, 02:42 PM

Dear Angie,

I understand 110% how you feel. Four the last 20 years we have kept track of my husbands family by which prison is calling collect. Of 14 siblings only dh and baby sister haven't been to jail, hook on drugs or drunks. We have stepped up to the plate more times than I care to count. Spent hundreds or thousands of dollars helping out. With no thanks or changes ever shown. But we sleep the sleep of those who at least tried. Now thats not to say that that's the right course for you. We spent much time in both prayer and talk before during and after each effort. ANd effort is the right words.
The best thing you can do is talk to each other (you and your husband) and decide together whats the best cousre of action for you. Remember you and yours MUST come first. I applaud your efforts in taking care of your neice perhaps thats the best thing you can do. Protect the little ones and keep them from going down this same road.

Will pray for you and yours,
Laurie in BRadenton

miss_thrifty · 08-16-2006, 05:13 PM

Big round of huugggssssss, i have atoxic family too. theirs nothing u can do but make sure u take care of yourself and your own family. She has to make her own mistakes, and u cant fix them for her. i fell really bad for the kids, its not fair to them, and for her not to take her responsibilties seriously. vent anytime like the rest said, were all here for u!!!

LadyNada · 08-16-2006, 05:19 PM

Social services stepped in once before and took your niece away from her. Chances are, they'll step in again and take this baby away once she's born. Make sure you put your name in if you want take the baby on. This is a horrible situation she got herself into, but do remember -- all decisions have a right and a wrong. It's up to us to choose what way we want to go. And if we make the mistake, it's our mistake, not anyone else's. Maybe jail will help her, not harm her. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

frugalfarmwife · 08-16-2006, 06:15 PM

Ok, please don't take this wrong, but you have your own family to care for. If social services is going to do anything truly positive for both of these children they have a better chance at a new life when they're young, if adopted now they have a great shot.

I know this may sound cold but sometimes this is the only real chance for kids like this, if you take them on they still have direct contact with their mom and unless she drastically changes she's not doing them any favors.

A few years ago my best friend finally took the steps to call childrens services on her niece who had 3 children that were being horribly neglected, the children were taken, the mother deemed mentally unfit and the children are now adopted by wonderful families that will give them a future. The only downside was that the children did not all go together. Yes, at times my friend feels horrible for having done this but it HAD to be done, these children were NOT being fed, were being ignored, no food in the house, no social or learning stimulation at all. There was no one in the family that was capable of taking these children on.

kj

rebecca · 08-16-2006, 07:57 PM

Sorry to hear about your sister. I know I would feel the same way you do. When you love your sister and see her destroying her life it just breaks your heart. My sister and I are very close and if this happened to her it would be very devestating, especially if she hasn't learned her lesson. Hope things get better with your sister. My heart goes out to you!