What would you do with a tween whose only interests are JUNK?

[Early Bird]

Scribbler, my twelve-yr-old, spends all of her free time daydreaming about clothes, friends, boys, and music.

Any work is done with a lick and a promise. aka, shoddy jobs -- chores and school work.

I have racked my brain to find something solid to interest her: creative writing, cooking, endangered animals, reading, math, architecture.

I would spend the money to get her art lessons, Spanish lessons, or whatever it takes (within reason) to devlop her interests. If she wanted to study Egyptian hieroglyphics, for example, I'd buy her extra books beyond what the library can get for her.

All just get a quick once-over from her. Then it's back to her daydreams.

We homeschool, so she's got all kinds of time she COULD channel into developing skills, researching, mentally GROWING.

I hope some of you have ideas.

[leezza]

If she really likes MUSIC how about the following:

Writing songs (that is creative writing)
Learn an instrument
Voice lessons

Just an idea she if she is really interested in Music

leezza

[Early Bird]

Thanks for the suggestion; I should elaborate. She likes LISTENING to bubble-gum rock. ad nauseum. And talking about Hilary Duff, Ali and AJ, etc.

She does enjoy her piano lessons, and she practices without me nagging. But she doesn't challenge herself.

Last year, I had her in 2 lessons a week, with 2 different teachers. But I finally dropped the 2nd lesson -- she wasn't doing much with it. (Teacher, "any questions?" Scribbler, "No." End of conversation.)

[nuisance26]

~I'd remove the junk. Kids are incredibly creative and resourceful when left to their own devices. My parents took away tv in our house because it was junk and we all adjusted just fine. JMO.~

[Laurie in Bradenton]

Scribbler? How about getting her some drawing pads? How many of us were going to design the next Black Sabbath album covers? Or am I dating myself??? Perhaps you and her could take a trip to a local art museum and she what type she likes? You may have a future Van Goah, Norman Rockwell, or cartoonist. He mind is all tied up inside with the drawing which is why you don't get much out of her mouth. Whats she scribbling? Pictures, Words, Buildings? An Architect friend of mine was always doodling houses, another friend now in her 70's was a fashion designer in New York during the 40's still can't help redrawing outfits in fashion mags today. Focus on what she is doing maybe you'll get a clue or describ it to us and maybe we can help.
Is this a case of Michelangelo not consintrating on his cathisum because of that big blank ceiling up there???

Laurie in Bradenton

[PrairieRose]

I think that a lot of what you're seeing is 'normal' behaviour for her age.... . Most 12 years olds are not terribly enthusiastic about work You have to limit exposure to the harmful junk, ignore the harmless stuff--pick your battles, fight and win the important ones. Spend more time engaged with her doing some little something, leaving her to her own devices less. You have to let her be herself no matter how you feel about her interests and choice of music. (did your parents love your music? ) It's not always that easy to know which battles are the most important and how harmful some things may be in the long run..... parenting is the hardest job in the world. Hang in there.......

[lilk]

I agree with Lisa.
Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you could teach her.
Here is an ideal though, get some craft books from the library. Like how to make a neckless. She could even make here very own beads. Knitting, sewing anything like that. It sound like she likes fashion, so this could be a good ideal. Then let her have a sleepover with a friend, and let them create together. You could go to Hobbie Lobbie or WalMart to pick up the stuff, take her with you so she can see all the cool stuff. They even have little kits to make small purses. She could make a no-sew -fleece blanket for her room. HTH.

[Neeley]

Originally Posted by PrairieRose

I think that a lot of what you're seeing is 'normal' behaviour for her age.... . Most 12 years olds are not terribly enthusiastic about work You have to limit exposure to the harmful junk, ignore the harmless stuff--pick your battles, fight and win the important ones. Spend more time engaged with her doing some little something, leaving her to her own devices less. You have to let her be herself no matter how you feel about her interests and choice of music. (did your parents love your music? ) It's not always that easy to know which battles are the most important and how harmful some things may be in the long run..... parenting is the hardest job in the world. Hang in there.......

I agree with this 100%!!

She sounds pretty much like a regular 12 year old to me. My 13 (we also homeschool) listens to music all of the time. She keeps a cd in her laptop playing all of the time. As long as she gets all of her lessons and chores done, we let her have her music. She loves to write stories and fanfics. She spends at least 4-6 hours a day writing and many times she incorporates the music into her writings.

Hang in there - she will be fine.

[kabin63]

Well, that sounds a bit like my DD last year when she was twelve, except that my DD did draw, and draw and draw. She is into all the Anime and draws them all the time. Even got asked to do one for the school newpaper. Lately it's all about her BF, go figure. Hang in there mom, and keep trying, gently nudging something to interst her, while supporting her. She sounds pretty normal to me.

[Early Bird]

I call her 'Scribbler' because she used to love writing ... or at least starting ... stories.

But lately, she's not interested in that sort of thing.

[Daisygirl]

I remember those days of being so into the latest pop idols. Of course in my day it was Shaun Cassidy, etc.

Here are a few suggestions: for some schoolwork (because writing is writing and research is research) get her to do some reports on her favorite musicians. Get her to analyze the lyrics of the songs and treat them as poetry. Who is to say that lyrics of today's music will not be the epic poems of 100 years from now? When Chaucer wrote the Canterbury Tales they were looked upon as pure drivel by the massees -- today they are considered great works of literature. Add a class called Popular Culture and put these things under the umbrella. Have her write some little articles about these people, perhaps their childhoods or something and submit them to the teen magazines that she likes. You never know, you could have the next Hollywood reporter on your hands. Promise her that if she works hard in other pursuits that you will keep this class going for her, and try - I know it is hard, to encourage these interests. We have a rule in our house that there is no TV til after 8 o'clock at night. You would be amazed at what children come up with to do when there is no option. Take her shopping at the dollar store and the craft store and help her find some supplies to decorate jeans, t-shirts and backpacks. Help her learn some new skills -- my 11 year old LOVES cooking -- she can make lasagna by herself already. SHe also loves to crochet and wants to learn cross-stitch. What do you spend your time doing? Is it something that she might like to join you in? That is where Chloe developed her interest in crochet and needlework - from me. That is why she is into crafts and decorating too. She had not interest in tap, ballet, or jazz so I enrolled her in a hiphop dance class which she just LOVES - it is all her favorite music so she feels pretty cool doing it.

Best of luck -- I know this is a trying time.

[Daisygirl]

One other thing you must keep in mind -- it is disrespectful to her to consider her interests junk -- there is no rule that says she has to have the same interests as the rest of her family. If you want her to respect your interests and ways of doing things, I would think it important to show her the same courtesy. I know it is hard to muster up enthusiasm for Justin Timberlake, etc., but it would probably be great for your communication and relationship with your daughter if you could try. If you do, you may find her showing more interest in stuff you want her to.

Very best of luck to you both.

[FrugalMomof3]

Originally Posted by Daisygirl

One other thing you must keep in mind -- it is disrespectful to her to consider her interests junk -- there is no rule that says she has to have the same interests as the rest of her family.

I totally agree with the above! All my kids age 17, 15 and 10 all have different interests and while I dont enjoy "some" of them especially the girls or boys I deal with it, since I know it's a phase (or so I hope) that one day they will grow up and see what life is all about.

I agree though about finding her and any child that is where she is, interests that kinda stem from that but dont directly deal with it, meaning she likes music, that's cool, tell her to make up her own music, there are many programs for the computer that can help her be just like Ally and AJ, etc...

My daughter is 10 and she loves music, dancing, games, friends, etc.. so I entertain those interests and do things together to keep her mind off what we call "junk", this will teach her not only that we respect her interests but we are there when she needs us.

[pkellyc]

I had a daughter just like her. She would lay around all day dreaming she was a star. I had her sing in Choir at our church and she also sang in Chorus at school. She was in the Girl Scouts for awhile but she didn't really care for it.
I would pull her out of it by letting her make fudge once in awhile and would bribe her with sleepovers to get her to clean her room. She also liked to doodle and I bought her one of those learn to draw kits for Christmas and she spent hours learning how to draw cartoon characters. Her school work was no laughing matter and I hired a tutor to come a couple of days a week. She just hated it! I let the tutor go with the understanding that if she slacked off again the tutor would return! In that time she did not have a life if she did not do her best in school. Radios, TV and everything except for books were taken away from her. Until she improved and she did.
She is now 19 in college and working. She still just loves her music except now she runs with her ipod to squeeze it into her busy days.

Early teens are tough they are trying to figure out who they are. I know my girls tried on personalities until I thought I would go nuts! But they did grow out of it and I have 2 beautiful adult dd's. That can and do on a regular basis still drive me nuts.

[staceyy]

She sounds like a typical tween to me also. I'd continue to expose her to different things but motivation has to come from within.