WWYD? Husband buys gift that you don't like?

Sari · 11-06-2006, 10:22 AM

Hopefully this doesn't sound very ungrateful, but I'm sure that some people can relate.

Basically, DH can not keep a secret and already showed me what he got for Christmas. He said he liked it, and he thought I would too, and that it "cost a pretty penny." He got earrings and a necklace. The earrings are not bad, but the necklace is completely not my style, plus he got me something very similar a few years ago that I don't wear. We laughed about the similarity after I reminded him, and I said they were very pretty, but that since I already had a similar necklace, maybe he could return that and pick out something else. He didn't seem very inclined to do that because the store he bought it from is over an hour away.

My thing is, it's not like I don't appreciate it, but if a lot of money is being spent on something, it may as well be something I like and will use. I also don't want to cause hurt feelings for him. How would you handle this? Would you just drop it and accept the gift and accept that you may never wear it, except once or twice to make DH happy, or would you as gently and tactfully as possible, push for him to return the necklace and pick out something else?

Thanks for any thoughts.

Buckeye5 · 11-06-2006, 10:48 AM

Although, DH and I barely exchange gifts anymore, the once upon a time, when we did, all I ever received from him were Ohio State clothings and items, some were nice but not exactly what a woman wants all of the time.Anyway, I just carefully and politely said, I don't want to sound ungrateful or hurt your feelings, because I know that you love me and want to buy me gifts and the items may be what you think I would enjoy, but in all truthfulness, I would rather have something else. So I was just honest but with tact and kindness. Hope that helps some, I also told him what I like and didn't like, he felt better and so did I. Also, when I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter, he bought me an Ohio State nightgown, and it was WHITE.hahaha

FrugalMomof3 · 11-06-2006, 10:52 AM

Well this is a hard one, maybe you can make up a list of things that you really want and give it to him but explain to him that you love the thoughful gifts he gives and they are appreciate but some of things he get's you, you might never wear or use. I guess you just have to be upfront and honest with it to him.

suzysaver · 11-06-2006, 11:39 AM

We don't exchange gifts, we both just try to save up some cash and any other christmas cash we get....we used to combine it and go get some item we wanted together. We may take 1/2 and put into our summer vacation fund and then spend the rest...this year. I had to come out and tell husband last year, he bought me some of those battery operated slippers. They were so big and I was stumbling around in them for about 20 min. and then I just thought lets be honest here. I walked back into the room without them, and he said you don't like them do you??? "honestly honey, no ". We took them back and I found a cute set of snowman dishes on clearance. I told him no more gifts..we can just set a cash limit and go after christmas shopping.

mnmarty03 · 11-06-2006, 01:46 PM

I don't know what I would do in your situation, and my story doesn't really work for the necklace you're talking about, but the first christmas my fiance and I were together he bought me a watch. It was an expensive watch, and I liked the color, but the designs on the arm bands weren't my favorite. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I just kept it and wore it - daily. I didn't hate it, but I wouldn't have chosen it for myself either... anyways, I wore it, and it started to grow on me. Eventually the bands on the watch started to fade and get ruined. Then last year (our 3rd christmas) he bought me new watch bands for the watch - except this time I absolutly love them.

I would probably just accept the gifts this year and use them to make him happy (maybe they'll grow on you?) but in the future I would make a list of things you want so that there's less of a chance you'll get something you don't like. But that's just me...

Jerseygirl · 11-06-2006, 01:53 PM

It's something we went through for years, dh has no clue and as far as I'm concerned doesn't try, so now he takes me out to have me pick out something pretty, we make a day of it. If it's electronics I want he can handle that, like when I wanted my camera, then I give him perameters, yes it takes the romance out of it, but no more ugly candle holders or vacumms.

lottaLove · 11-06-2006, 02:05 PM

I would personally wear the item and not say anything. That is just because my DH is sensitive, and is so happy when he gets me some sort of jewlery that my saying I didn't really like it would devastate him.

I would probably do something like mnmarty03 did, and wear the thing every day even if I didn't really like it. Even if the necklace wasn't my favorite, I would love the fact that it was a gift from my DH, and he cared enough to put thought into the gift.

You have to do what you think will work best for you and your DH, what will keep everyone happy in the end. Good luck!

Mumzy · 11-06-2006, 02:08 PM

Sari let me tell you a story. DH bought me a (very ugly to me) ring for Christmas one year right after we were married. Of course that was the year that we were extremely very tight. I returned it. I am so sorry I did that! I didn't even stop to think about what it meant for him to give it to me. Now several years later I have yet to receive jewelry from him agian!
What I learned it wasn't so much the item, it was the feeling from him for you, behind all of it. So wear the necklace and ring around him with love and pride. Perhaps you can get a dress you like to go with it. I know that isn't a frugal suggestion. But in the long run you both would be so much happier. At least that is what I have learned (the hard way!).

FrugalWitch · 11-06-2006, 02:45 PM

Hmmm how about exchange it after Christmas for a necklace or pendant you do like? You might even get a better deal hitting the after holiday sales. Just don't tell him. I've done this a couple of times and my DH never notices as long as I "ooohh" and "aahhhh" the day he gives it to me.

staceyy · 11-06-2006, 02:56 PM

I have the same problem with dh. I suggested he let me pick out my own gifts as I hate to see so much money wasted, but he insists on continuing to buy me gifts he wants me to have. I just grin and bear it.

ScrapMama · 11-06-2006, 03:10 PM

I'm honest with my husband about my wants for Christmas. We each make lists and when it comes to jewerly I pick it out or we pick it out together.

Katybird · 11-06-2006, 03:19 PM

I would probably wear it and hope that I learned to love it but next year I would definately drop some hints about exactly what I want and even leave pictures of items that I liked.

Scattymum · 11-24-2006, 01:27 PM

I would probably keep it - DH bought me a gold bracelet one year - I never wear gold but It does look nice with one or 2 outfits.

Both DH and I have birthdays in Nov so we make a list of all we want for birthdays and christmas in Oct. and exchange the lists. We put silly things and things we want and I will get him some off the stuff on the list - it just gives an idea of what we are hoping for.

I always put * a villa in spain* on my list LOL - I have never got it yet though ROFL

dmvezina · 11-24-2006, 01:44 PM

I also make a list and give it to my dh because I end up getting things I just do not like or could even use. For example, just recently, actually he got me an electric blanket for my birthday! Now, for starters, he knows how I watch the electric bill. And he's mentioned to me a hundred times that I need one. I kept telling him that I don't need one. We heat with a woodstove and it gets very, very warm in the house. What would I need one for? He went & got me one anyway!! He's big on gift certificates too, which I don't mind IF they're for stores I like & frequent. He has a habit of getting me ones that I have no interest in!! I've told him a zillion times which ones I like. I think it's just a man thing!! LOL

pkellyc · 11-24-2006, 09:02 PM

We don't exchange any more but for a few years in the 80's I wore the most grotesque gold nugget watch you have ever seen! It's lying at rest in the bottom my jewelery box as we speak.
Every once in awhile he will ask me what happened to the watch with the diamond in it. I tell him it stopped working years ago, and it did. The battery finally died.