grrrrrr my sister..........

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 12-04-2006, 08:48 AM

i know some of you remember me venting in the past about my sister about how she DOES not have her life together. well update about her to some of you who don't know about her. she has a little girl (who means the world to me) who is turning 2 the day after x-mas. my sister , kara, got in trouble just about a year ago with her daughters dad dealing & selling drugs. well my sister ended up serving 30 days in jail & got 4 years probation & my niece's dad got 14 years prison time (because he had a previous offense). anyways, my sister has moved on with her life, and met some other guy who is a butthead, that hits on her, well now she just broke the news to me that she's pregnant!!!!!!! i about hit the floor!!!!!! well about 3mths ago she was pregnant & she had a tubal pregnancy & the dr told her to wait awhile, then she's pregnant again. she told me she was trying to have a baby. she don't work. she lives with her boyfriends mother. her & her boyfriend don't even live together right now because there is a protective order on them because he beat her up a few weeks ago. she's my sister & i love her.........but i HATE HER LIFESTYLE & DECISIONS!!!!! my sister lives on welfare & foodstamps. how does she think its right to bring another baby into all this mess? her probabtion officer told her if she has 1 probation violation in 4 years, she has to serve all 4 years in prison..........then what???? i took care of her daughter for 30 days when she was in jail the 1st time. i'm totally stressed out about all of this. any advice would help. thanks ladies!!!!

**favesis37** · 12-04-2006, 08:55 AM

i am sorry you are going thru this. i know it is tough as my son was traveling downt eh same road at one time. it took awhile but i have learned that i am not responible for his actions or decsions. i do however feel responsible for his kids and always will protect them.
good luck and keep your head up

**emily_hope** · 12-04-2006, 08:59 AM

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to send you a big (((HUG)))!

**FrugalMomof3** · 12-04-2006, 09:14 AM

No advice here but wanted to give you a hug

and hope that hopefully your sister will realize that she's already headed down the wrong road and she's dragging her children in. God Bless!

**celina** · 12-04-2006, 10:29 AM

just be there for her kids..always a safe place for them....

**MarshHen** · 12-04-2006, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by celina

just be there for her kids..always a safe place for them....

I agree and it's sad that she doesn't see what she is doing to this little one. Praying your sister will open her eyes, but until she does, being there for your neice is really all you can do until your sister get's herself together.

**kaykwilts** · 12-04-2006, 12:54 PM

I think you sister should consider putting up this baby she is carrying up for adoption. It is not fair when she goes back to jail to make her family take care of her children.

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 12-04-2006, 01:03 PM

no way she would put this baby up for adoption, her & her boyfriend are totally excited about this baby........and i have no clue why, no stability, no money, no common sense, etc. i keep my niece alot, but i'm afraid after my sister has this baby, my niece is going to be pushed to the back burner so the new baby can get all the attention (this is how my sister is) and this will really TICK me off!!!! the main thing that ticks me off........is that this baby was planned.......how stupid can you be??????

**FrugalWitch** · 12-04-2006, 07:15 PM

She needs to be spayed. It's the worst form of selfishness to have children without the ability to support them. I feel for you and your family and especially the children involved.

**Guest57** · 09-09-2008, 07:37 PM

If I were in your shoes, I'd contact her attorney and tell them that you want to get some papers in order that if she does end up in prison, you get the rights to her children and then also when she gets out, she has to prove that she can take care of them BEFORE she gets them back! A friend went through this and when her sister got out, she didn't get the kids back because she never could get a job, a place to live, and provide a stable environment. Those kids are now in high school and still living with Auntie! (by the way, all of us friends of hers got together and helped her with hand me down clothes, school supplies, etc. so she could afford to keep them herself!)
HUGS TO YOU

**perSue** · 09-09-2008, 07:48 PM

I don't know what to say... I don't carry heavy opinions as I choose to live my life and let others live theirs and try not to judge... which can make me seem 'cold' (not caring) to others.

Truth is, I'd just sit your sister down and say "listen, you're my sister, I love you, always have, always will. BUT, I dont like/respecta/approve/whatever of your choices in life.

BUT they are YOUR choices. And all I want to say is....."

THEN point out the obvious - like others here have said.
It's your niece who suffers the most... and the on-coming child who will too.

Point out that IF necessary you'll do whatever it takes (foster, adopt, care for temporarily, whatever) her child(ren). (IF you want to.)...

But make a point to show that IF she goes to jail... if someone doesnt step up to the plate (ie, to adopt her), she'll go straight to foster care (not always the greatest). You could opt for that...

OR... and I'd say this directly to her.... if necessary YOU would adopt this niece... and because YOU would be her primary caregiver... IF 'mom' gets released from jail, YOU can say "no visitation" to her own child ... because you adopted her.

Point out the obvious... maybe even make it a little scary so she straightens up. Sometimes that's all it takes... a taste of reality.

BUT also make peace in your own mind what YOU (and your family) are willing to do/sacrifice/etc.

If this is something you really wanna fight for... go and know that you're in the right.
If it's too much of a burden, which is ok to admit, if you know it would be too difficult, then admit that... and see what you ARE able to do to help... w/out putting yourself out.

Just think what the options are... and talk to your sister... even when she doesnt wanna listen.
Hell, ask her outright if she'd be willing to give up her daughter for adoption to "help straighten herself out" (and maybe rehab??).

There are options... really difficult ones, sure... but TRY til all you're doing is hitting a brick wall.

**Katybird** · 09-09-2008, 08:49 PM

These threads regarding this sister and baby are both over 2 years old. I hope that all went well and that the children involved ended up in a better enviroment than they were destined for at that time.