I need help ASAP! (kids)

**Hawkshop** · 08-23-2002, 12:21 AM

I need someone to direct me to a book or website that has helped them learn how to get their children to listen and how to discipline them effectively. I put my daughter, she is two, to bed a dozon times a night and she always gets up time after time,no matter what time it is whether it is 8pm or midnight! I have a 3 month old baby and this circus is driving me nuts. She thinks the whole thing is a game whenever I ask her to do something or not do something. I also cannot get her pottytrained and she keeps removing her diaper especially when it is poopy and running around naked. I can't stand that anymore either. My husband and I are exhausted and don't know what else to try. I need a really good book or some really good advice. My sister just visited and said we have no control over her. She said I should be spanking her instead of using time outs. Spanking does nothing either. What are we doing wrong? I need to regain control over my life. It is such a horrible feeling to lose control of your children.

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 08-23-2002, 01:02 AM

Could you put a gate at the door of her room to keep her in? She will still be able to get up, but won't be able to get out. It's worth a shot...

**Deanna** · 08-23-2002, 07:45 AM

My son is a month younger than your daughter and is not the easiest kid either. I do time outs also. I've tried putting him in a car and that doesn't work unless you want a 3 second time out. I put him in his room and the doorknob inside has a child proof thingy on it so he can't open it. This is mostly because he's been hitting me when things don't go his way. As for the bed thing I'm having the same problem with naps...won't take them anymore (unless he falls asleep in the car if we've been some where) and keeps coming out of his room during "rest time". I've tried the gate too and I have to put my foot down and let him cry until he gets it. Which I know he does "Get" things it's just a matter of it he wants to or not. He was a terror at bedtime for a while too. Had to rub him to sleep but my husband (when we'd had enough of that) just talked to him one night and said he needed to stay in his bed and we'd be right in the livng room and would check on him. We used to go to our room after he was in bed and now he wants me on the couch for rest time. As for books I've heard good things about 1,2,3 Magic..I'll be searching for that at the library when I fianlly get there and our paper has an ariticle once a week on parenting by John Redmond and I think he has a website too you could do a search on. His advice is straight forward and sort of on the "tough" side. Parents are definately in charge in his book. Which i think kids are looking for lots of times. So if this babbling didn't help at all at least you know you're not alone.

**mommy2three** · 08-23-2002, 08:36 AM

must be in the name.

my daughter's name is madison, but she is 4 yrs old. she is the same way. it seems she listens better to daddy though. i really think it is all in the way they start out. she never really had a set bedtime. she just went when we went. now she won't go on her own. BUT, my son is 17 months old and goes to bed between 8-8:30 every night. we just put him in his crib and close the door. he goes right to sleep (most of the time). he also takes a nap every day for 2-3 hrs. my daughter wouldn't take a nap even if i laid with her (i wish

).
you know what though? my mom always says she is sooooo much like i was when i was a kid. says she looks and acts just like me!

hmmmmm........paybacks???

**dz_blonde_girl** · 08-23-2002, 08:53 AM

I wonder if they have any books on parenting at your local library.

**keilley** · 08-23-2002, 09:25 AM

1,2,3 Magic definitely. I found this dog-eared book at my local library. I guess there must be a lot of desperate parents out there. LOL.

**homesteadmamma** · 08-23-2002, 09:39 AM

I agree with the book 1-2-3- magic.

Here are a couple of tips. Throw them out with the bath water if you don't agree.

- potty training. I'm a firm believer in not pushing on potty training. When she is ready, she will be potty trained quickly. Show her the toilet and let her see you using it. It doesn't take long to train a child when they are ready to go or when they see how it is used. Remember, there is a new baby in the house and she is probably feeling a bit miffed about all of that.

- sleeping. Our dd was exactly the same way so we purchased a crib mattress, put it beside our bed and when she got up, she went directly there, fell asleep and everyone was happy. She felt comfortable being by us and we have no regrets to this day of helping her feel secure. She is now 12 and the most secure child we have.

- Spanking doesn't work. Control doesn't work either because then it becomes a game between you and her. Are there times when she can have your undivided attention. If so, make it a game with her to help "mommy". She is old enough to fold facecloths (may not look like you want, but heh thats okay), to help put towels away, or to get diapers for mommy. She can be taught those things by making it fun. "Look, mommy can fold this, how fast can you fold this." Help her see that she is a part of the family and in being a part of the family, she has responsibilities, even at 2. Don't make it a control issue, because you'll be fighting with her until she leaves home if it becomes a control issue.

- In my books there is nothing wrong with bribery as long as it isn't used constantly. Does she like Cheerios, popcorn, candy. It doesn't haven to be given all the time, but it certainly does no harm to give a treat once in awhile.

Let us know how it turns out okay. My heart goes out to you.

**AmyBoz** · 08-23-2002, 11:09 AM

My daughter is 1 and 1/2 and for bedtime, we have always established a routine. Do you have a nighttime routine? For Julia, we take a bath, then sit on our bed and read books, and then it's time for night-night. Daddy takes her in and puts her in her crib, and some nights she goes right to sleep, but others she just lays there and talks. But because she knows that sleepy time is after book time, which is after bedtime, she doesn't call for us to get her because she knows what is expected of her at this time. Just a thought.

**bmiltimore** · 08-23-2002, 11:24 AM

I highly recommend, “I Refuse to Raise a Brat” by Marilu Henner. I don’t have kids but I am a HUGE fan of Marilu Henner and her philosophies and this book is all about the parent being the one in control and about dealing with and changing bad behavior. She talks about all sorts of child-rearing issues and she co-wrote the book with a psychologist.

I found the information helpful for dealing with little kids (nephew) and big kids (DH!)

The biggest point that I feel is the BEST thing to remember, is that when you say something–stick to it. If you tell your child that if he/she does BLANK again he/she will get BLANK, you MUST follow through with it. If you do not, you lose all credibility with the child, and then the child learns that no doesn’t always mean no and that what you say is negotiable.

**homesteadmamma** · 08-23-2002, 03:24 PM

Another really good book is Kids are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso

Here is her website:

http://www.kidsareworthit.com/

Barbara speaks all over the place and has excellant tips in raising kids.

**Hawkshop** · 08-23-2002, 04:43 PM

Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it. I asked my therapist about it today and she did mention the "kids are worth it" book but said that it was geared for older children. She said "Children: The Challenge" was the only book I would need. Thank you again for all your advice. I will try some of it and see what works.

**Jerseygirl** · 08-23-2002, 09:48 PM

Love 123 magic, I have found that routine is the most important thing for us once he knew what to expect, there wasn't fear and once he realized that there was no breaking the rules and that I would not be giving in we got along much better.