Daycare?

**Telephus44** · 02-08-2007, 03:28 PM

Just wondering what everyone's personal experience has been with it. When I was growing up I had my grandmother and my aunt available to babysit for me, so I never went to daycare myself although both my parents worked. DH's parents worked opposite shifts - I guess they tried daycare for a few months when he was 2 or 3 to help him make friends with kids his own age and it didn't work out. So I have both my parents AND my in-laws riding me that I shouldn't put my son is daycare, it is so much better to stay at home, yada yada.

I haven't come to a final decision yet, but I'm probably going to take the job I interviewed for yesterday. In part because while I love my son, I really don't love being a SAHM. I also still miss working terribly - it was something I was good at and was excited to go into work every morning. This job is not only the same thing, but also a lot more money. And I know that this means putting my son into daycare. I don't have any friends or family that would be able to watch him on a regular basis, and because of our careers the "opposite shifts" thing isn't going to happen.

So I was wondering what everyone else's experiences were. What did you look for? Did you go with a daycare center or something family based? Does anyone else out there actually have a kid in daycare for a full 5 days a week 8-9 hours a day? What are your challenges? Most people I talk to only use daycare a few days a week.

The other thing I'm concerned with is nursing. I'd love to nurse my son until at least 12 months with no formula, but I'm not producing near the amount of milk now that I used to, and I suspect if I go back to work that won't help. I'd probably end up "supplementing" - nursing at nights and on weekends, but using formula during the day.

**bumplett** · 02-08-2007, 05:23 PM

my oldest is 11 now, but he was in an in-home daycare when he was younger as I worked full time, he also went to a commercial day care center for a few months before I quit working f/t & started p/t - I hated it - I felt guilty & the amount of money was nice, but not worth it to me in the long run - that's just my opinion & how I felt - when my youngest was born, I took little p/t jobs like working in the church nursery 2 to 3 days/week, just for fun & to interact with other adults -

good luck with whatever you choose, and remember, you can ALWAYS change your mind - either direction -

**McD** · 02-08-2007, 05:38 PM

Sara,

I was in the exact same boat you are. I love my son to pieces but I am not wired to be a stay at home mom. I love being out around people and I crave human interaction.

The first sitter we had was a sahm who kept him in her house. That was the worst mistake of my life. She was evil and crappy to my dh and I, but good to our son. We pulled him in 2 months.

The day we pulled him we saw an add for an inhome daycare. We interviewed and did a background check on the lady and put him in right away. That was the best decision we ever made. Breanne loves my son like he is her own and she has never ever done anything that we have ever questioned. Wesley loves her, he loves being around the other kids. I've noticed that he is picking up on stuff earlier than other babies because he wants to be like the big kids at day care. He's not quite one and he feeds himself with a spoon!

That's my own personal experience. Only you and your dh can decide what's best for your son. Your parents/in-laws mean well, but their opinion really has no real weight on this matter. I'd start looking for possibilities. Start interviewing, looking at centers, sitters, in-homes, etc. and take Owen to see how the people interact with him. The only way you can tell if they will be good for is to see how they interact wth him. And get references!

I hope that helped.

**dwallyfam** · 02-08-2007, 06:24 PM

I have seen it all. My sister watched DD for the first 8 months after I went to work. It was great. When I had to find a place to put her I looked around. I went with a local center. They were really good about me dropping in whenever, they provided all the food past formula and beginning baby food, and I got to use cloth diapers with her.

You need to look around and trust your gut

**Cricket1** · 02-10-2007, 12:15 AM

Sara--Good luck with whatever you decide. I used to do daycare in my home and I would like to think that the parents were happy with me (I never had any complaints)! I think that there are some awesome centers out there and some great inhome, too.

I know what you mean by staying at home. I've been home for almost six years and still don't think I'm cut out for it!!! I have to admit (almost shamefully) that I don't LOVE being a sahm.

Good luck!

**JEM** · 02-10-2007, 01:11 AM

I had a wonderful daycare for my girls when they were little. DD1 was about 4 and dd2 was 2. Ours was an in home daycare and the lady was a grandma. My girls couldn't have had a better expereince she even potty trained dd2 and helped get her off her binky. We had a binky everywhere for that child. Each car, one at daycare and I swear one in every room in our house!.
She threw them b-day parties, celebrated holidays and made their halloween costumes. My girls have a photo album that she made for them when we had to move.
She was just amazing and was like a third grandma.
There is nothing wrong with going to work if you will be happier and a better mom. I think it will work if you want it to and no one else is in charge of your life or your family except you and dh. Just take the time and start checking out those daycares now. Maybe even stick around for an hour or two and see what the attitude is like
Good luck and like someone else said trust your gut!

**kaykwilts** · 02-10-2007, 09:39 AM

Whatever you decided to do research, research, research. Get references too. You can't be too picky when deciding who is going to care for your precious child.

**PplAmanda** · 02-16-2007, 04:29 PM

Sara,
Take this for what it is worth b/c I am not a mommy yet. My fiance has a son who just turned 10. When he was a baby he went to an in home babysitter. It worked out great until that sitter moved. When dss was about 2 he started going to a very large day care center that he continues in until this day. This center is awesome and we couldn't be happier. When I have a child, s/he will go there as well. They keep VERY good records. When you pick your baby up they can tell you what and when the baby ate, how many times they changed the diaper, how long and when s/he slept, what they played with etc.. They do an awesome job.
My best advice is to do alot of research. Ask the center to talk with other parents with children there. Also check with your local Dept of Human Services. They keep records of any incidences that require investigation, both with large centers and in home sitters.
Hope that helps!
Amanda

**AmyBoz** · 02-16-2007, 05:48 PM

Sara, well, first of all, CONGRATS on the job! Secondly, my experience with daycare has been mostly great.

Julia started off in a home daycare, and then when she was 3, we moved her to a center with a nursery school. Then, Patrick went to the home daycare, but the woman started to lose it a little, and things happened, and we wound up pulling him and putting him a different center (You had to be 2.5 years old to go to the one Julia was at.) When Patrick was old enough, we put him in the nursery school/daycare and put Matthew in the daycare where Patrick had been.
What I like about the center is the accountability. Parents are in and out all the time, and so the teachers are always on and engaged with the kids. At the home daycare, you really don't know what goes on during the day. At the daycare, we get sheets that tell everything he's done that day, what he ate, how often he went to the bathroom, etc. All you want to jnow and then some.

And, I know people get upset to hear this, but my children have always had excellent social skills and know how to get along with others, and Julia had a much easier transition into Kindergarten tthan friends of hers who never went to daycare. It socializes and helps them academically as well. I think it's important for kids to be around people who aren't their family...it expands their horizons and their view of the world.

Don't be afraid to ask for references, and to call them. And, yes, daycare is expensive, but I have always said that the one area where I will not skimp is in my child's care. I agree with whoever said that you should be offered, not just a tour, but a few hours with your baby. See how HE feels about the place as well. My kids loved their daycares from the first trial visit. We knew it was a good fit.

I'm kinda rambling here because I keep getting interrupted by my little cherubs, but please know you can always pm me with any daycare questions.

**JustJoy** · 02-16-2007, 06:46 PM

Speaking from experience...as I was a preschool teacher for La Petite Academy for quite a few years I would recommend a center over home daycare. But like everyone else is saying...research, research, research! Make sure that you are able to drop in anytime you want and another plus would be if they have NAEYCE accreditation. Make sure you feel comfortable with the staff.

**i.m.cheap** · 02-16-2007, 06:56 PM

I don't want to discourage you, but choose very carefully. My mother always worked full-time. She returned to work when my brother and I were each six weeks old. One of my personal (childhood) memories of the home daycare we went to were of my baby brother (I was five years older) standing in a playpen (where he was forced to spend many hours every day) crying and screaming to get out. He was standing, so I think he was nearly a year old. The babysitter was trying to watch TV, so she walks over to the playpen, and stuffs a bib IN THE BABY'S MOUTH. Tears were still streaming down his reddened face, but his cries were now muffled by the wad of terry cloth in his mouth. My mother always thought this lady was just a wonderful sitter.

I never said anything to my mother about the incident (she likely would not have believed me) until some 30 years later, when she just could not understand my absolute refusal to put Molly in daycare.

**AmyBoz** · 02-16-2007, 07:52 PM

Deb's story kinda emphasizes my point about a center having more accountability than a home daycare.

**geckoace** · 02-16-2007, 08:37 PM

I agree spend sometime on it. I think it is a personal choice everything is not for everybody. my grandmother watched me and i have stayed at home for the past 3.5 years ,in the fall DS will go to a daycare based preschool 2 full days of the week. he has always been involved in outside activities and drop off activities for socialization because i wanted to get him ready for "real" school. one of the down sides to in-home daycare can be vacations and illnesses of the daycare provider some dont have substitutes and centers usually do. i would say make a list of possiblities and visit as many as you can you will get a feel for what you want if you see all the alternatives.

congrats on your job. and please dont let anyone make you feel guilty we all have to make the choices that benefit our family as a whole and you know what's best.

**Buckeye5** · 02-17-2007, 12:08 PM

Congratulations on your new job!!! Try not to feel guilty because you don't really enjoy being a SAHM, that is such an individual choice, and you have the right to choose. I have never had my kids in daycare, but it doesn't mean that I don't empathize with your situation. Do you know any older women or someone who could come to your house and take care of him, at least while he is a baby? It may be easier than bundling him up and taking him out etc.?Then, as he gets a bit older than put him in daycare where he could begin to socialize etc.

**Jerseygirl** · 02-23-2007, 01:52 PM

I have had all my foster kids in the same daycare. I found one very close to my work that takes 8 weeks to full day Kinder. It is a full service center, provides meals, trips etc. I love that so many of the staff have been there for years and as soon as my soon to be is 8-10 weeks she will be going there too. For me questions I asked were, Snow days? vacations? many schools close for holiday weeks etc. Mine does not. CPR/ FA training of staff, how many teachers are actually certified teachers? There is at least one in each room running the ciriculum. For me also a big question was what is their emergency plan since 9-11. Because of where we live, that was a big one for me. I have a great relationship with the women who run the center and after 5 years and 16 kids I have no problem going into the office and speaking to them about anything I see, hear or think. Forge that type of relationship with your provider and it will make everyone more comfortable. Keep in mind, you are employing these people to take care of your precious little one, they need to live up to your expectations or go elsewhere.