Attack of the uptight mothers!!

**Cricket1** · 03-19-2007, 11:43 PM

Okay, this is going to be a vent and possibly a long vent. It is not my intention of angering people so please be kind! I live in an area that is FULL of mothers that need to get...well, let's just say that they need to mellow out!!!

If one more person asks what activities my boys are in (they are 5 and 3), I might harm them. We are doing NOTHING. Novel concept--try it sometime. They go to kindergarten and preschool and they come home. While home they are watching t.v., playing, reading, etc. We have playdates a lot and my kids never seem bored. Do they need to veg out--I think so.

I have a friend that is CONSTANTLY calling me to ask what my son is doing a project on, wearing, going to, who he's having play dates with, etc. ENOUGH. This isn't a contest--it's life. I'm trying to raise happy, healthy, easy going kids. I don't want them burnt out by the time they hit middle school. Another friend is always buying her 6 and 5 year olds video games, etc. and a bunch of toys (IMHO) that are meant for 10 year olds. Whenever video games are brought up, I've told her that I feel that kids need to have something to look forward too--in other words, if mine are playing video games now, what will they do for fun when they're 12??? Crack?? (no, I haven't said that, but I do give the "something to look forward to" line).

I am ready to go hide away on an island--this area is full of crazy mothers!! I think it's great that they are so interested in their children. But sometimes (and this is just me here and my opinion) I think we go overboard on what kids want and how much attention their wants receive. Don't throw anything at me--I'm NOT saying children should be seen and not heard. I'm saying that kids are kids and we are the adults--we can say no. AND, we don't have to do everything for them--they can figure out on their own what they are wearing to school or what gift they want to make the teacher.

There are upcoming PTA activities: Mother/son dance, father/daughter dance. I made the comment one day (standing in line at school--probably not the most popular place to do it), "I don't even go to dances with my HUSBAND, let alone my son!!" I got nothing but blank stares. If my son felt very strongly about spending time with me in that way, I'd go. If not, I can think of a million other things we could do one on one.

Am I crazy???? Please, if you disagree, let me know. Perhaps I'm being very one sided. I just don't get what the big deal is. It's kindergarten, not Harvard.

**FrugalMomof3** · 03-20-2007, 12:43 AM

No, I dont think your crazy, I've had parents ask me the same questions but I just ignore it, now-a-days first off I dont trust very many people, 2ndly if my daughter really really wanted to do an activity I would make every effort to help her, 3rdly you nor I are depriving our children. If they want to play with friends, they can. If they want to watch TV, they can. Painting, sure go ahead, coloring, yep!

I did not ever go to a son/mother dance, nor has my DH gone to a daughter/dad dance either and it's not because we dont love our children it's because we've never wanted to, nor has my DD or DS's expressed an interest in such.

I agree that children at such a young age who start activities too early get bored and want to move onto something else once they hit middle school or even high school, you as a parent dont have to feel obligated to do certain activities with your children because everyone else is and same for our children, I mean isnt that what we are trying to teach them, that peer pressure isn't always good? Let's kids be kids and let us parents, do our parenting the way we want to.

**jkelstaten** · 03-20-2007, 06:54 AM

That's absurd. At those ages the only things your kids need are what you are already doing. Time with you and "some" interaction outside the home. I see no need for structured activities at that age unless the child is wanting it.

**YankeeMom** · 03-20-2007, 09:04 AM

I totally agree.

And that's all I have to say about that...or I'll go off on a tangent lol.

**danni** · 03-20-2007, 10:40 AM

I agree too. Kids are way to overscheduled these days. My kids have school, sunday school(and youth group for the older ones), and they are allowed to choose 1 sport for the year. Other than that they get to be kids. I hated following the strict schedule of work so why would I schedule my kids like that.

**MamaBear209** · 03-20-2007, 10:51 AM

I don't think you're crazy. I have a 3 yr old and he doesn't care what he wears and what toys he has. He likes playing with other kids more than playing with high tech gizmos that are out now. I don't think he's missing out on fun, either. So we're out more often to go to the park where there are other kids or if its cloudy, we go to the indoor playland at the mall where he can still play with other kids. There are times we'd go to TRU or other toy stores, he's satisfied just checking out the toys and when we're ready to go, he puts them back on the shelf. If we're home we read books, do puzzles or watch his favorite movies. He has simple joys and I prefer it that way

**Dixie** · 03-20-2007, 11:14 AM

I totally agree!

**justpeachy92** · 03-20-2007, 11:31 AM

I agree with you. In our neighborhood the kids don't do alot of activities, but you don't ever see them outside playing neither. We have lived in this house for 9 months now, and one of my neighbors came over last week. LOL first time he has even spoke to us. He found our family to be odd because I am a sahm and when my kids aren't at school we are outside playing. We have 3 school buses that pick up and drop off at the entrance to our subdivision, numerous kids off all ages, yet they are never seen outside playing. It is quite funny cause you walk down the street and all the backyards have trampolines, swingsets and other outside stuff, but never a kid out there playing. We want our kids to be kids as long as possible, when they get to where they seem to have over scheduled lives it will be their choice and not ours.

**kaykwilts** · 03-20-2007, 11:40 AM

I think you need to do what is right for your kids and heck what other people think. They are your kids, not thiers.

**Emerald_Mommy** · 03-20-2007, 12:02 PM

You are not crazy and oh that there would be more mothers like you!

**miss_thrifty** · 03-20-2007, 01:23 PM

I agree with everyone, do what your heart thinks not what others think. You sound like a great mom. Dont worry about them.

**sixfreds** · 03-20-2007, 01:33 PM

I agree. That being said now that my kids are almost 14 and the triplets are 8 they all pick 1 activity they want to do. This is the first year the triplets have an activity. One school sport per season for DD #1 and one of the triplets does boy scouts, one does indoor soccer and one does dance class.

I know a lot of peopel who sign their kids up for everything!!!
And my question always is when is their down time, all kids 9and adults) need some down time.
And something to look forward to something is a good thing,

Just my opinion,
Eileen

**Missy** · 03-20-2007, 01:37 PM

i financially couldn't afford to put my kids in all that stuff. Not to mention mentally afford to do that either. Lots of rushing to get to this or that (and no it isn't that i am unorganised. getting kids to all get to the car for this or that is like herding cats.) I don't think after awhile of the stress that it would be fun for the kids anymore. Just my two cents.

Luckily i haven't had this as an issue yet.

**foxxyroxie** · 03-20-2007, 02:11 PM

IMHO.... I think all this stuff is more of what the parents want not what the kids want. The dances are more of a fashion show than anything... whose parent could buy the most expensive dress/shoes/suit, etc. I think it's the parents trying to find out what another parent is doing/giving/buying their kid and trying to keep up with the Joneses. It's all about parents competing against parents.

**sarathom** · 03-20-2007, 08:22 PM

I totally agree with you. I see many kids that are way way too overscheduled and stressed out. My cousin's daughter was put on antidepressants at 12 due to the idea of being perfect and doing everything.

My kids are 3 and 7. My daughter gets one or two activities. My son is just busy being a 3 year old...no planned activities, no preschool, no soccer etc...just being 3.

We get to have supper as a family every night and our house is pretty stress free and calm...no chaos and rushing.

I told my daughter that she doesn't need to do every extra curricular activity before she is 18. I told her that life is a journey and she can learn and try things her entire life....from now and way beyond 100 years old! She liked that!