do you give your children all they ask for??

**heaven** · 09-02-2002, 04:20 PM

wARNING I RANT HERE FOR A WHILE BEFORE THE QUESTION.

this weekend we went to the national park here in our state, i only had limited money, so i had planned on taking the children to the waterslide. Well it turned out to be a very very cold day on that side of the divide and i ran out of cash too. (I did take them into the park and we saw the wild bear at the bear zoo) plus the played at the campground, and i bought them lunch for a picnic, then i started to feel guilty that if i had taken more from home i could have paid for the water slide, Still it was too cold for it. They also bought things (On my money) before we got to the camp ground,my children know that i have limited money so it isn't a big secret here. i don't and i am trying no to feel guilty but i know that my exhusband would have shown them the time of thier lives and they would have gone on all the attractions. So anyway after that rant, I was wondering do you give your children just what they want do you think not giving them everything when they want it makes them a better person, if you can't because of money, Would you change it if you could. I know i would like just enough money to be comfortable sorry for the ranting and can anyone find the question here.

**justGina** · 09-02-2002, 04:35 PM

Heck, no. I hardly give my kids "some" of what they want.

They need to know you can't always have everything you want, and that sometimes, life sucks!

**simplemom** · 09-02-2002, 04:54 PM

I also can't give my children all they want. We always do family activities that will cost us the least. When we do go to the movies(which is rare) we wait a few months until the movie is playing at Tops Cinema. There, it costs only 2.50$ a person, tax included and we don't get the popcorn. By the way, today I took two of my 4 boys to see Scoobydoo. We had a coupon for a free large popcorn, which we shared. I bought one regular size soda for the three of us. So, it cost me 10.00$ in all for the movie. They wanted jelly beans, candy, etc...but I said no. They didn't complain, because they were happy to get popcorn, since we usually don't get some.

But I do know how you feel, Heaven...I get that guilty sad feeling sometimes. I try not to give in to my guilt. I talk to myself to remind myself that my children are very lucky because we take lots of time for the emotional happiness of our children. I repeat myself that material stuff is not what they really need. They need our time and love.

Don't despair, Heaven! You are a great mom!

**Jerseygirl** · 09-02-2002, 04:59 PM

Dss has no concept of wants vs needs, only partly because of his disability. He is very materially spoiled at home. When he is here we do activities, crafts, play family style in the yard. Because his mother bribes him, he begs all day for "presents". Money is not the issue here, honestly, since things don't keep him interested for very long and he doesn't play appropriatly with most toys,I don't want a lot of junk laying around. He has a box of videos, a box of craft supplies, a box of trains and tracks, a box of outdoor balls and toys, about 10 books and his bike. Even though our shore house is 1 mile from the boardwalk full of rides and arcades, we take him 2-3 xs per summer. When we are there he plays mostly in the pool, or I keep one box of toys there for him-sidewalk chalk, coloring stuff and a train set. Usually at Birthday time we take him out for an "all-out day" Last year we went to "A day out with Thomas" -that stinkin' tank engine. On this day we do go all out, admission, t-shirts, souvenirs, etc. Sometimes it is six flags, but this is his b-day gift from us and really only happens one time per year.

**heaven** · 09-02-2002, 05:42 PM

Thanks simple that was suppose to be the orginal question do you think children grow up better with material things or with time with their parents doing things that cost little but the family is together.

**captclearance** · 09-02-2002, 06:00 PM

I have told my children that they have everything they NEED. They are lucky to have some of what they want. I don't think it is healthy for a child to get everything. If they want something, make them work for it ! I pay my children for some chores, only after they complete the chores they are given as regular chores. They do not get an allowance !! If there is something we want to do, we put our heads together and think of ways we can make the most of it with the given budget. I took the kids to Disneyland this summer. They decided we should back a picnic lunch, it was great for them because they thought it up..... They will be more eager to give certain things up if they are allowed to help with the ideas.

**PrairieRose** · 09-02-2002, 06:58 PM

Mine are grown and I can tell you definitely NO! Don't EVER give them all that they want. We watch parents buy their kids new cars for the first car (1 yr. car is thrashed), set them up in a townhouse-all new furnishings (6 mo. townhouse and all new furn. is thrashed) and so on and so forth... . Our kids get what they get and they better be darned glad to have it, which they are. They take great care of their garage sale and hand me down furniture when they get their own apt. . It's amazing when you watch parents that really do give them EVERYTHING and then wonder why they want even more and tear everything they have up?!!! Good grief, get real.

**Jerseygirl** · 09-02-2002, 07:56 PM

I am so glad to hear I am not the only one who feels this way, I regularly am told "but you can afford..., and "but he really wants..." I stopped feeling bad about it when he spent Christmas morning tearing through gift after gift then looked for more.

**PennyPincher** · 09-04-2002, 02:55 PM

Even if I was a billionair I wouldnt give my children everything they wanted. I dont want my kids to be ungreatful for the things that my husband ( the reason I say just him is since we are a one income family) works so hard to provide for our children.

Kids now a days are to spoiled and to ungreatful and that is sad.

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 09-06-2002, 07:54 PM

I grew up dirt poor (hey, the dirt was RICHER than we were

!) and we got very little in the way of material things. I am a much better person because of it. My boys have ENOUGH but not too much. They have tons of Legos and books and yes, they have Game Boys (DS#1 won his, so I bought one for DS#2 before I lost my mind

). We do NOT buy new Game Boy games; there is a shop in town that sells used ones for $5.00-10.00 and they earn their own $ for them. I buy nearly all of their clothes at garage sales and we use the library extensively. We had better use the library--I work there!

I REFUSE to give my boys everything. We actually moved out of a very desirable area because of the rampant materialism that occurs in that town. My boys are NOT getting cars the day they turn 16--heck, they will be lucky if I let them DRIVE before they leave home!

Over all, my sons are happy, normal, well-adjusted kids. I think they will grow up happy even if they don't get all the latest toys and clothes!