Son & DIL in Financial Doo-Doo!

**JustJoy** · 05-31-2007, 08:35 AM

Do I speak to him about it, or just let it be? He and DIL will be coming home on leave June 8th.

I got a call from my ex yesterday, informing me that our son is digging himself a big financial hole. My son is in the Navy and stationed in VA. Every time I speak to him he says things are going just fine....apparently not.

My ex says he has been getting letters of overdue bills sent to his home. DS lived with my ex before joining the Navy and they still send a few things to his address. My ex called our son a few days ago and asked what's going on? DS said they are having money problems. I honestly think they should be doing pretty well. DS and DIL live off-base in an apt, but the Navy gives him $1100 a month to cover rent and utilities. And of course my DS gets a regular paycheck from the Navy. I know they have two car payments, car insurance & groceries to pay for, but this honestly should not take all his pay. My DIL doesn't work as she is going to cosmetology school, but that has already been paid for by her parents. I know they don't cook much at home and usually eat out. They both also have extremely expensive taste for designer clothes, etc. I was also upset to hear (from my ex) that DS recently withdrew $1000 from his 401K. What he did with that money I have no clue, but it sure as heck didn't go to his outstanding bills. DS is 25 years old and needs to take responsibility, but how do I drill this into his head without being a meddling mom or getting him upset and telling me to mind my own business?

Any and all advice appreciated

**justpeachy92** · 05-31-2007, 08:55 AM

My sisters dh is in the Army. I know that what they get for housing allowance doens't pay all of the housing expenses, they still need to take out of regular pay to cover utilities. It sounds like he may be over extended with debt, because lenders were more then willing to give it because being military he has guaranteed income. I wouldn't come down on him like a nagging mom. I would just say your dad told me about some letters he has gotten for you at his house, and we are concerned that you are getting in over your head. Let him know you are there if he wants to talk or wants some help from you making a budget. If your budget allows maybe get him the TMMO book. Really I am not surprised that his income isn't covering all his expenses, military is way underpaid considering what is expected of the men and women that join. My bil is a couple years older then your son, and his pay is like $1500 a month. Pay a couple car loans, car insurance, credit card payments, the utilities that aren't covered with the housing allowance and there isn't much left for food and other things.

**JustJoy** · 05-31-2007, 09:02 AM

Thank you so much for your input. DS has never disclosed to me how much his "paycheck" is. But if it's only $1500 a month. I can definitely understand why money is tight.

**ktsmama** · 05-31-2007, 09:48 AM

No matter how old you are, your pay depends on your rank and time in the military. This website can give you a lot of information.

http://www.dfas.mil/militarypay.html

Another thing that scares me is that he can get in serious trouble with the military if those bill collectors start contacting his chain of command.

Good luck.

**JustJoy** · 05-31-2007, 10:26 AM

On my way to check it out Robbin. Thanks!

**McD** · 05-31-2007, 10:56 AM

Another thing to worry about is if your son's job requires him to have a security clearance, it can get revoked due to financial problems, meaning he would be forced to switch to another job skill, which in turn can affect the amount of his reenlistment bonuses. I would advise him, gently and in a 'we've all been there tone' that something has to change. The military offers free financial counseling, etc. for soldiers/sailors, ask him if we would look into that. And just as an f.y.i., the military really doesn't pay super well for lower enlisted. Check out this article on msn money, it's called does military service still pay? http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com...eStillPay.aspx

**jamie79** · 05-31-2007, 03:04 PM

I will say this if you get too behind on your bills in the military and its reported you can get into trouble with your chain of command

**Dancing Lotus** · 05-31-2007, 03:13 PM

I dont know his rank or how much time he has in but he is probably only makeing less then 2,000 a month. If his rent is 1,100 and that doesnt include utitlities then he probably is haveing a hard time.

IMO- he is an adult, if he needs help her will ask. Otherwise its best not to get involved.

**thrifty gal** · 05-31-2007, 05:55 PM

I agree with AnnK. I know it would be hard, but there's a reason that he's not telling you. He may be really embarrassed about it. Sometimes, the best lessons learned are the ones we learn on our own. Whatever you decide to do I know it will be from love.

**became4347** · 05-31-2007, 08:17 PM

I agree with the last two posters. Don't mention it. Let him bring it up. If he doesn't, then keep quiet and let him handle it.

**McD** · 05-31-2007, 10:31 PM

^

I don't agree with that.

Do you as a wife/mother/sister/aunt/friend let someone continue on a road to self-destruction so that the person with the problem can handle it? We were raised to take care of each other as family--not to bail each other out or to solve the problems for each other, but to give each other advice and a shoulder to lean on. Just because our kids are grown doesn't mean we stop looking out for them. JMHO.

**foxxyroxie** · 06-01-2007, 12:34 AM

I ordinarily wouldn't 'pass the buck' but since dad is getting the notices in the mail, he should be the one talking to him. He can tell him that he has talked it over with you and that if he and dil need help with budget that both of you are there to help him/them out. Have him tell him about the consequences of his being in debt could affect his military career/status.

I'd keep quiet. Let your son, his wife and dad work it out. If son wants help, he can ask.