Need Advice

**northernmom2boys** · 08-09-2007, 12:46 PM

I need some advice badly
What do you do or say when you have to deal with people who seem to say everything that is on their minds regardless of how rude or painful to someone else it is?
My sil just seems to say the first thing that goes into her head and out of her mouth.Most of the times the comments are made towards me or my children.She is pg after 11 years of having her first so I know she is undre stress but she has always been like this.Last weekend she said oh I hope I dont have boys,we have two boys.I would never say oh my god I dont ever want to have a girl in front of anybody with girls.
I try to defend myself sometimes but I dont want to be rude.Is it rude to defend myself.Should I just bite my tongue?Help we are going to be seeing them this weekend at camp and i am dreading it already
THank you all for listening to me rant......now I need some good advice ladies??????
Michelle

**northernmom2boys** · 08-09-2007, 01:11 PM

helppppp!!!!!!

**frugalfarmwife** · 08-09-2007, 02:14 PM

I know it's hard but I'd just hold my tongue or she'll turn you into the bad guy (or turn on you!). I know family can be VERY trying, mine sure are, so we limit time spent with them and then hubby gives me X amount of time afterwards to vent

Count to 10, change the subject, pretend you didn't hear her. It's just for one weekend, heck count the hours if you need to

kj

**latierra84** · 08-09-2007, 02:57 PM

hmmm... id just avoid her. maybe not the most polite thing to do but.. she sounds alot like my grandmother (on my dad's side).

**northernmom2boys** · 08-09-2007, 03:21 PM

thank you both
I know the best thing is just to ignore her and bite my tongue lol

**nuisance26** · 08-09-2007, 04:11 PM

~Are you sure that isn't MY sil you're talking about? Half the time I bite my tongue and half the time I send back snappy zingers. I just take an additude of pity towards her. She incredibly immature and has managed to alienate just about everyone she's ever met. Completely ignoring an issue is never the way to go, IMO. ((((HUGS)))) from someone whose been there, ALOT.~

**getnrichslowly** · 08-09-2007, 05:07 PM

She sounds just like my sil.
I finally had enough about three weeks ago and told her she had hurt my feelings. I was tired of leaving the room at my own house just to get away from her saying mean things. ( she was over for dinner)
She has turned it all around and makes me look like I am the mean one. What?
My husband was there and knows everything she said and says that he's sorry but that she's crazy.
What hurts the most is that his mom just makes excuses for her. and then says, I know I make excuses for her but she's just had it so hard. um, no, she hasn't. but whatever.

I wish I had just bit my tongue (again!) but at the same time, she hasn't come over since then and it has been nice.

So, sorry you have a crappy sil. just try to bless her and know you are happier than she ever will be.

**frugalfarmwife** · 08-09-2007, 06:07 PM

Now see that's what I WOULD have said but I've been really trying to behave

And actually last Christmas I DID finally let fly with a few at select family members that got on my last nerve, haven't heard from them since (which is nice) BUT it put me on the poo list in the family

kj

**baxjul** · 08-09-2007, 07:09 PM

I think you are talking about my SIL! Before we moved away, I finally told her not to talk down to me in my own house, or not bother coming back. Turns out, she is afraid of me, so now she is really nice. Still don't like her though!

**Michelle68** · 08-09-2007, 07:14 PM

What a difficult person! It seems like every family has one, unfortunately. I know we do. I think I would just try to avoid her as much as possible in the future. People like this are miserable and get their kicks from making those around them miserable, too.

--Michelle

**Dancing Lotus** · 08-09-2007, 07:25 PM

I have not one but two sil's like that. I guess the men in my dh's family like rude women. All of them but my dh of course. Im the nice one. For years I have let both of them offend me and hurt me without saying a word. Finaly I got the nerve to tell one of them that she hurts my feelings often. To my surprise she was truely sorry and said she had no idea. It didnt change anything but atleast she knows now and I dont have any trouble telling her when I dont agree with her. The other one I just dont speak too.

In your case I would say its just best to bite your tongue and avoid her as best as you can.

**northernmom2boys** · 08-10-2007, 07:57 AM

thank you all for your advice
I wish I could take you all with me when I see her lol
It ssort of funny because she doesnt talk to her mom because she does not respect her and she is the same as her mom
Wish me luck we are leaving for camp tonight ahhhhhhh

**foxxyroxie** · 08-10-2007, 08:29 AM

[QUOTE=northernmom2boys;750528]thank you all for your advice
I wish I could take you all with me when I see her lol
It ssort of funny because she doesnt talk to her mom because she does not respect her and she is the same as her mom [QUOTE]

I guess you said it all right there.... the fruit didn't fall far from the tree. SIL learned by example!!

**Katybird** · 08-10-2007, 10:02 AM

I think I would just do the big eye roll and then just shake my head with pity for her and turn around and walk out of the room. That would leave her with having to follow you and apologize or leave her with her mouth hanging open. I really think that people like that know that they are being hurtful and do it just to be bullies. I think people like that just deserve pity (and a cold shoulder

) .

**Darlene** · 08-10-2007, 01:33 PM

She sounds possibly jealous & lacking self esteem.
I'd just put it back on her. "What makes you say something like that?" Doesn't have to be confrontational. it's just that she isn't expecting to have to justify what she's saying and will be hemming & hawing. It may be fun to watch her worm her way out of dumb comments.
Could be too that you are a little sensitive to what she says, need to consider the source, distance yourself & ignore the rantings of a fool.