Family Sucks -- Need Advice !!!!!

**foxxyroxie** · 08-20-2007, 09:05 PM

I need some advice or should I just butt out? Here's the details.

Got a call on Sat. from BF's dad. It seems BF's youngest sister left with her 6 y.o. on Fri. morning, left the 5 y.o. at home sleeping, went to husband's work to get money from his paycheck to pay bills and disappeared. Their roommate left, came back from his appointment and poor 5 y.o. was at home ALONE!!
We called everyone.... relatives, friends both in her city and here, the 3 area hospitals, hospital nearest to her house. We called the state police, the sheriff, our city police...nothing, no word and nothing they could do till Sun. morning when she had been gone 48 hours.
Their stepsister finally heard from her Sat. nite. She told her she was out of state, her and son were ok, that she just couldn't deal with things at home anymore with husband and life.
BF heard from her today. Tracked the number she called from. She's 1100 miles away from home. She went to meet 'friends' from the internet. My BF was less than sympathetic with her. He brought up to her what do we tell 5 y.o. when he asks where mommy and brother is? How rejected is he going to be that mom chose the 6 y.o. over him? Why did she risk her and her son's safety to meet strangers? Those people could be serial killers or jack-the-ripper for all we know!!!
I guess she took my advice seriously. Just a few weeks ago she called complaining about her husband and I told her to pack up her things and her kids and follow us down to Alabama when we (BF and I along with their dad and stepmom) move in November. At least then she would have been with people she knew and would be safe with. I guess that should teach me for giving advice... they might take me literally!!!
Here's the dillema... should we tell her husband? She asked us not to, but then again, I'd feel awful if something bad happened. Their (her and BF's) dad already knows where she is, including address, but I know he will never tell husband (he hates husband). Should we respect her wishes and keep quiet? Should we butt out and mind our own business?
Any input?

**Missy** · 08-20-2007, 09:10 PM

Wow that's a hard one! I feel awful fo rthe little one left behind and also for the one she has. He must be so confused!

wish i had some advise!

**YankeeMom** · 08-20-2007, 09:12 PM

She left one child & took the other?

I cannot say another word because I'm biting through my tongue.

**jamie79** · 08-20-2007, 09:32 PM

The fact that she chose one child over the other tells me she doesnt deserve loyalty of any kind.

**onencgirl** · 08-20-2007, 09:41 PM

What a sad story... I don't know what to say.

**Michelle68** · 08-20-2007, 09:42 PM

A big part of me says to tell her husband that she called because he does have the right to know that his 6 y.o. is okay. I think that would be every parent's nightmare, not even knowing what has happened to your child or where they are. Also for safety reasons, I believe others should know what she has done. If the husband is abusive and she is leaving because she is afraid, that is another matter. If that were the case there would be no way in h*** that I would even leave any of my children behind, so I am thinking that it was simply your BF's sister flaking out and being totally selfish and irresponsible. (Besides possibly criminally negligent in leaving her 5 y.o. unattended.) So, my answer would be Yes, I would tell her husband that she has contacted you. Sorry you're having to go through this.

--Michelle

**Mom23boys** · 08-20-2007, 10:14 PM

Originally Posted by YankeeMom

She left one child & took the other?

I cannot say another word because I'm biting through my tongue.

How do you choose which child to leave behind? I don't understand how a parent (mother or father) could do that.

**nodmicks** · 08-20-2007, 10:19 PM

That is truely awful! I agree fully with Michelle68.

**annymoll** · 08-20-2007, 10:21 PM

To me it would not be an issue of leaving one child behind. It would be an issue that she left any child behind totally unattended. WTH?????It would be an issue that she took a child to an unknown area, thousands of miles away. I would report her,she does not come off as stable. I would certainly tell the husband.(How is it that she got 1100 miles away, was gone for a few days, and he didn't know?)I would ponder the fact that families dislike of husband over rides the safety of two children.Not quite right.(Unless he is abusive- then DFS needs to step in.)

**Daisygirl** · 08-21-2007, 06:49 AM

I could never ever choose one child over the other. A cat is a better mother. I would tell the husband because he deserves to know his other child is ok.

She is one of many who do NOT deserve the blessing of children. She makes me sick.

**mommy4ever** · 08-21-2007, 08:43 AM

I think it goes beyond her being selfish. No parent would chose one child over another. The girl needs some help. There's something unsettling and very unbalanced over that act. I'm not sure what her reasoning/justification over that was.

It doesn't matter why she was leaving, she at least should have arranged care. She didn't. That isn't thinking right.

The father deserves to know where the child is. In fact, I think he should go get the child, and let the courts decide if mom is fit and go fromthere. Doesn't matter fit or not, you can't just leave the state with a child.

That was a very unstable move to do. It not only put her at risk but the 6 yo, and now the 5yo too(though in a different way.

**DAAC3DEC** · 08-21-2007, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by Daisygirl

I could never ever choose one child over the other. A cat is a better mother. I would tell the husband because he deserves to know his other child is ok.

She is one of many who do NOT deserve the blessing of children. She makes me sick.

How does a mother choose one child over another, that she gave birth to?? Her husband deserves to know all, she shouldn't have the child she chose, she could leave him anywhere, according to her history, she has no problem cutting losses and running far away!!!!

**foxxyroxie** · 08-21-2007, 12:23 PM

I guess I should add....it's unfortunate but because the child is not biologically his (although he did adopt him), her husband won't fight for him or go after him. She told BF that husband had said to her that he doesn't love her or the 6 y.o. anymore, but I don't know if that's true or if it was said in the heat of an argument/fight. I think her rationale was that since husband's family 'hates' her, she would have one heck of a fight if she had taken the 5 y.o.

**frugalfarmwife** · 08-21-2007, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by foxxyroxie

I guess I should add....it's unfortunate but because the child is not biologically his (although he did adopt him), her husband won't fight for him or go after him. She told BF that husband had said to her that he doesn't love her or the 6 y.o. anymore, but I don't know if that's true or if it was said in the heat of an argument/fight. I think her rationale was that since husband's family 'hates' her, she would have one heck of a fight if she had taken the 5 y.o.

I wondered if he was the bio dad of the oldest, that does NOT forgive what she did but does explain a bit.

BTW, I've been sitting on my hands on this one because honestly I didn't have any positive or nice suggestions!

Now, I WOULD tell him where she is though and let it go from there, oh, but would also inform the authorities as to where she is, sorry, she's MORE than broken the law with leaving the 5 y/o all alone!

kj

**cheappearls** · 08-22-2007, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by frugalfarmwife

Now, I WOULD tell him where she is though and let it go from there, oh, but would also inform the authorities as to where she is, sorry, she's MORE than broken the law with leaving the 5 y/o all alone!

kj

I agree. She should be thrown in jail.