families

**sixfreds** · 09-13-2002, 09:20 PM

I need some advice...
Here is my problem, my in laws (especially my mother in law) always promises things na she doesn't follow through. Well this is fine I am an adult adn I can handle it BUT they also do it to the kids, like I will come and see you adn we will do this..not in a maybe kind of way they make the plan BUT cancell...

My my sister in law moved back to the area about a month ago and we did see her a couple time well my oldest daughter talked to her on Monday and they made plans for this weekend to get together on Saturday my daughter to sleep over that night and come home on Sunday, all she could talk about all week was this well guess what my daughter call and my sister in law got invited to do "something better" so she cancelled and guess who is left here all upset.....
This drives me nuts!! I can handle it if it was me but to hurt my children over and over... is NOT OKAY!!

Now I am not the kind of person who would say anything but this has got to stop... My husband has taled to his mother and she has gotten better and will say I will try instead of making a promise but...

Thanks for listening I feel better already..
Eileen

**ymay** · 09-13-2002, 09:48 PM

{{{HUGS}}} I am glad you feel better, Eileen! Sometimes, just getting it off your chest helps, doesn't it?

I have a sister like this. She promises to mail things to my dks and rarely follows through. Simple things like a card or promises to email us information etc.

My 5 yr. ds gets so excited at the thought of getting mail, and was so sad when she didn't follow through. He asked me one time if his aunt was tricking him.

I told my dks the truth...that there aunt sometimes gets very busy, and she forgets, or does not give enough thought to how they may feel when she doesn't follow through.

I also told my sister how my dks feel when she makes promises and doesn't follow through. I did it in a very respectful way. Since our conversation, she is so much better about things like this. She either makes sure to follow through with things, or does not mention anything to my dks unless she is sure she can follow through with things.

Sometimes honesty is the best policy. Good Luck with your family situation.

yvonne

**kcjulesus** · 09-13-2002, 10:44 PM

I'm sure glad to hear it's not only me and my children going through this!! My MIL promises my son she'll come get him for a few days (during the summer) and she never shows and then two days before he is too leave she has the nerve to call from my brother in laws in another town and say she'd come get him the next day! Well he was to leave the next day so he only got to stay one day! So..she promises him again she'll come get him for several days and about 2 weeks later she stopped by our house on her way to stay with her friend in another town and my son says well grandma I thought you were going to take me home with you! I was so proud of him for saying something because I sure did want to but didn't want to cause a fuss. My husband will not say anything about it to her so it just eats at me!

And another thing she does is, she will watch my brother in laws 2 kids for an entire week so they could go on an extravagant vacation but she won't keep mine for 2 days so we could work on the house we were remodeling. And their youngest child is a BRAT!! But my daughter is too much work for them. Ok, she's 1 1/2 so she is into everything but you don't have to follow her around everywhere...just close doors and put up baby gates! It's not that hard!!! So I've decided I will never ask them to watch my children again.

This situation is ver hard for me since my mother is deceased and my father doesn't see my children because his new wife wouldn't have it! So my husbands parents are my daughters only grandparents. My son has a different father that he visits regularly so he has other grandparents!

**captclearance** · 09-13-2002, 10:48 PM

Talking to a Sister is much different than a Mother-in-law. I can tell my Sister anything, I can say hey chick your armpits stink and she would tell me the same and it would not cause any distance between us.... However my MIL is a wonderful woman and has NEVER in 15 years, mistreated me, given unsolisitated advise or disrespected me, but if she had, I could not be quit as candid with her as I am with my Sister........